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Please note which issues are available as bound photocopies.

1971-74 (Issues 1-22)
1975-78 (23-46)
1979-82 (47-70)
1983-86 (71-94)
1987-90 (95-115)
1991-94 (116-138)
1995-98 (139-161)
1999-present (162- )


#139 January/February 1995 (bound photocopy)
24 Years of Wit and Wisdom

ARTICLE: Door Magazine, This is Your Life! Part One My, my—how things have changed by Doug Peterson
CARTOON: "I'm terribly sorry Pastor Liechty is not available. He's out on 'visitation' again" (picture of boat named "visitation") by Robertson
INTERVIEW: Frederick Buechner The "eccentricity" of ageing faith
INTERVIEW: Dr. Richard Selzer A reluctant atheist…still
ARTICLE: Top Ten Vacation Bible School Themes Rejected by Gospel Light Welcome to the harem? Top Ten Bible-Times Fundraisers Gummi locusts might have potential… Top Ten Ideas to Improve Worship Service
"Naked worship" didn't make the list by Roberta Tucker Brosius
ARTICLE: Nutrition Facts A theological warning label by Timothy Merrill
ARTICLE: KFSH-FM Radio Program Guide What religious radio could be by Rick Raab-Faber
ARTICLE: Wasting Time: My Life as a Prayer Warrior Can you flunk praying? By Arsenio Orteza
ARTICLE: Ten Alternative Goddesses for Theological Reflection The goddess of beer and pretzels? by Timothy Merrill
ARTICLE: The Prism and the SunLife ain't easy, and AIDS doesn't help by Laura Larkins Bartnick
ARTICLE: The New Age Workplace A vision for restructuring American business Ra replaces Peter Drucker by Mark P. Shea
CARTOON: Preacher says people will remain anonymous if they raise their hand in the air… "Yes, I see that hook…."
ARTICLE: Stories We've Heard Enough Of Hope for the old, old stories by John Carney
ARTICLE: Give us Barabbas When the TV evangelists from hell meet the waiter from hell by Tim Rasmussen
DOOR DARE: Of apologies and apologetics by Dan Pegoda
BACK DOOR: Clearings It's a jungle out there

#140 March/April 1995

INTERVIEW: Frederica Mathews-Green Abortion: Protecting the "tiny person"
ARTICLE: Baby Doe by Steve Taylor, from the album MELTDOWN
INTERVIEW: Katherine Ragsdale Abortion: Protecting the rights of the mother
CARTOON: Hash Wednesday by Mueller
INTERVIEW: Roy Bowen Ward Abortion: Protecting the Bible
ARTICLE: Excerpt from Roy Bowen Ward's article, "Use of the Bible in the Abortion Debate."
ARTICLE: More Door Contributions to Art and Literature Our contributors contribute
ARTICLE: The Battle Rages: Pro-life, Pro-choice, and Pro-green-weenie Can't persuade someone by beating them up by Doug Peterson
ARTICLE: Abortion Hazardous material? By Richard Selzer
ARTICLE: God's Hand The Temptation of a gentle explosion by Rex Downie, Jr.
ARTICLE: Ideologically Separated at Birth? Who says? By Becky Garrison
DOOR DARE: #49 Answering machine messages with a spiritual angle to it
LOSER OF THE MONTH: Direct-mail merchandising stoops to new heights
BACK DOOR: The expertise of the inept

#141 May/June 1995
All You Need to Know About Robert Fulghum

CARTOON: Connie's gallery … and life were complete with the addition of the "Chia Crucifix." By Dan Foote
ARTICLE: My Apostolic Church Name Chooser by Rebekah Scott Schreffler
INTERVIEW: Robert Fulghum Seeing ourselves in the mirror
ARTICLE: The Politically Correct Lineage They call her Jo by Tic Long
ARTICLE: A Voice Crying on the Internet Kayla Moonflower, where are you? by Wendy Chatley Green
ARTICLE: Biblical Topics and Guests on The Orpah Show Don't let Geraldo see this by Peter Smith
ARTICLE: A Proposal for Uniting Liberals and Conservatives Samurai unity by Scot A. Marvin
ARTICLE: You Might be a Fundamentalist if … You thought thongs wee only worn on your feet? By David A. Thompson
ARTICLE: A Prayer for the Opening Game of the Church Softball League Spiking for Jesus by Scot A. Marvin
ARTICLE: My Departing Damn by Scot A. Marvin
ARTICLE: Boogie 'til You Puke Rave Mass: The Last Supper meets Star Wars by Doug LeBlanc
ARTICLE: The Return of the Bible Guy: Pen Pal and Theologian Who else could Boppo the Clown ask? by Dennis E. Hensley
ARTICLE: Door Magazine, This is Your Life! Revisiting past graduates of the Door interview—part 2 by Doug Peterson
ARTICLE: The Christian Coalition Congressional Prayer Primer CBN Ministries everlasting by Becky Garrison
DOOR DARE #50 Witness this! By Dan Pegoda
LOSER OF THE MONTH: New Age Bible Versions The Good Book or is It?
BACK DOOR: The Gift of Aging

#142 July/August 1995
The Door asks, "Can't We All Just Get Along?"

CARTOON: We'll just sing the first and last stanzas…" (choir of angels)
INTERVIEW: Alan Keyes There is hope for the Republican Party
INTERVIEW: David Duke A human oxymoron
ARTICLE: Serendipity Parallel Study Bible A study on the Samaritan woman Sin or a non-judging paradigm? By James Miller
INTERVIEW: Randall Kenan Race is racist
ARTICLE: More Adventures of the Bible Guy: Biblical Detective and Fun Person "Christ" rhymes with "heist"? by Dennis E. Hensley
ARTICLE: White Men Can't Jump … But Do They Feel Guilty About It? Guilt-swallowing or wallowing? By Doug Peterson
ARTICLE: Things You Don't learn in Evangelical Seminaries Dirty jokes are funny by Rocco Maiolo
ARTICLE: Glass Houses and Stones and Things The unpardonable sin: divorce or no comunion? By Judith Hugg
ARTICLE: Ambassadors for the End Times: The International Christian Embassy Jerusalem Maranatha—and human rights be damned! By Kathleen Kern
ARTICLE: In Search of Stones: The ReviewAn intriguing pilgrimage of faith by Bill McNabb
CARTOON: (Man about to jump off cliff) "After I do this I'll murder my family. Stupid Sociopath by Mueller
CARTOON: Tabernacle of the Divine Healer (men putting up handicapped sign) "Oh, ye of little faith."
DOOR DARE # 51 Interruptions Ring around the pulpits, pocket full of culprits by Dan Pegoda
LOSER OF THE MONTH: Trust Jesus and win the Super Bowl.
BACK DOOR: A Mouthful of Dust

#143 September/October 1995
Still Nailing it to the Church

CARTOON: If Evangelicals Controlled Fairy Tales; Picture of Humpty-Dumpty on ground "I kept saying, 'Tomorrow, tomorrow I'll tell him about Christ'"
INTERVIEW: M. Scott Peck Christianity's best-kept secret
ARTICLE: Evangelism and Other Rites of Passage A one-flight stand by James W. Miller
ARTICLE: Is Nothing Sacred? Introducing The New Testament Several new translations… by Tony Shrana
ARTICLE: Infallible Inspirations Make your home your meating place by Cathy Sproul and Christine Schaffer
ARTICLE: Plain ol' Joe…or the greatest contemporary Christian music song of all time No heaven, hell, purgatory—zilch by Arsenio Orteza
CARTOON: (visitation in a nudist home) "…Er…ah…aside from that, do you and your wife have any other hobbies?"
ARTICLE: Another Visit with the Bible Guy: Biblical Genius and Speed Typist Looking for loopholes by Dennis E. Hensley
ARTICLE: Yardstick for Lunatics: One Point of View Meeting madness on its own ground by Robert M. Price
ARTICLE: Infallible Inspirations Sin is for the Birds by Cathy Sproul and Christine Schaffer
ARTICLE: A Guide to Saturday Morning Fun by Brad Whittington
ARTICLE: Door Magazine, This is Your Life! Revisiting Past Graduates of The Door Interview Part 3 by Doug Peterson
ARTICLE: Top Ten Indications that You've been Watching too much "Christian" Television Subtlety not lacking by Brad Duren
ARTICLE: Deconsecration Pending Say What? By J. Douglas Page
ARTICLE: A Message from Feed the Children International Kizzie has her say by Melinda Brindley
ARTICLE: The Politically Correct Parable of the Sower You just can't get good crops these days by Tim Ayers
DOOR DARE #52 Slogans
LOSER OF THE MONTH: The poetic, pathetic prayer prodder (prayer rock)
BACK DOOR : Self-Evaluation or Self-Absorption? Surveying the inner terrain

#144 November/December 1995
Just in time for the holidays! Beautiful Door Angel Christmas Ornament

CARTOON: (very large man in front of doctor's desk) "Reverend, your prayers for daily bread and a few other things seem to have been answered."
ARTICLE: Excerpts from…The Unauthorized Minister's Instruction Book Wh;at every church leader should know by R. Michael and Rebecca Sanders
INTERVIEW: Alan Jones A message for a generation frightened by the octaves of passion
ARTICLE: Deputation Letters 101 What missionaries really think by Jim Schmotzer
INTERVIEW: Patrick Leonard Meet the only guy on the planet who has "done" both Madonna and Michael W. Smith
ARTICLE: My Friend, the Angel This issue of The Door arrived in your hands in your house before 1996. Coincidence? Or angelic intervention? List of the angelic hierarchy by Darrel Spenst
ARTICLE: The Great Calvinist/Arminian Baseball Farrago This ain't no field of dreams by Darrel Spenst and Ron Carleton
ARTICLE: Dr. Marbell's Century He towered over his contemporaries like Toulouse-Lautrec by Mark Rasmussen
ARTICLE: Angel in Cardigan A group of children meet a stranger in khaki pants, but no gossamer wings by Terry Scott Taylor
CARTOON: (picture of very short coach of basketball team hugging tall man) "You'll never know how much it warms my heart to see you come forward! By Dick Hafer
CARTOON: "I'm afraid he's joined one of those white ceramicist groups."
CARTOON: (vending machine with CRUSH on it with one guy flattened) by Mueller
CARTOON: (guy with hand puppet) "Say the first word that comes into your head." "Hand."
CARTOON: Failing to check his fly, Pastor Wiffle realizes too late that the new acrylic pulpits do have their disadvantages. by Robertson
CARTOON: (in heaven) "Welcome boys! We're fresh out of white raiment, but we just got a fresh shipment of Promise Keeper T-shirst." By Lapine and Hibbs
CARTOON: (people with hair on end shaking hands with pastor) "In a word…invigorating." By Jonny Hawkins
ARTICLE: The Bible Guy Answers your Deep Theological Questions Or you money back by Dennis E. Hensley
CARTOON: (grafitti on bathroom wall) For a good time call 654-7890 my husband is at Promise Keepers again!
CARTOON: (man face down in front of pastor's desk) "Would you mind sharing this again Sunday during testimony time?" by Jonny Hawkins
ARTICLE: 1990 Seminary Catalog It's a man's, man's, man's world, sweetie! By Cheryl A. Smith
DOOR DARE # Pulpital demythification and captionization by Dan Pegoda
LOSER OF THE MONTH: Rack up those heavenly miles by Tom Gulotta
BACK DOOR: Ungodly Godliness Mentors are supposed to be perfect

#145 January/February 1996
Garrison Keillor "off the air"

CARTOON: Heaven Registration "Where's your Promise Keepers wristband?" by LaPine
INTERVIEW: Garrison Keillor Unplugged with Lake Wobegon's premiere fireside theologian by Bill McNabb
INTERVIEW: Dave Hunt Dave's hunt for the Ho of Babylon continues Dave's Hunt for the Scarlet Prostitute by Doug LeBlanc
ARTICLE: The Zig Ziglar Path to Wisdom In the land of the blind, the on-armed man… by Joe Bob Briggs
ARTICLE: The Top Ten Reasons to Attend Regent University by Becky Garrison
CARTOON: Brother Antonio always felt called to the minestrone by elbee
ARTICLE: The Tithe Answer Man How to get the best blessing for your buck! By Peter Smith
CARTOON: Four Reasons to Think that the Second Coming is Near…and rumors of wars…the fall of Berlin wall, Iron Curtain, peace in Holy Land…Beavis and Butthead by Bob Darden
CARTOON: (two people eating onion-garlic rotten egg dip) It's payback day at the Sadistic Dentist's Office
CARTOON: Visitation Out of Control…(person shaking sleeping couple) "Jeffery, Wendy…it's Pastor Thompson. Time to get up. Church starts in about 90 minutes." By Dan Pegoda
ARTICLE: The Door Guide to Clerical Careers Part One: The Aptitude Test Part Two: Denomination Selection by Brad Whittington
ARTICLE: Top Ten Signs You're a Die-hard Episcopalian by Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Subscribe to the Door: you won't win and free beer but you can read about interesting people and drink O.J. while you watch the Simpsons and see other shows on television.
ARTICLE: Top Gun Detective, O.W. Tailor, Solves His Next Case Grace at the end of a .38 caliber snub-nosed Bronnke and a half-empty pack of Lucky Strikes by Mark Rasmussen

#146 March/April 1996
Loser of the Decade; Who Does She think She Is...Mother Teresa?

ARTICLE: The Losers of the Year - The first in more-or less annual tradition.
ARTICLE: Loser of the Decade - Wherein The Door nominates itself for the Salman Rushdie Commercial Suicide Award.
ARTICLE: An Important Announcement by Mike Yaconelli and Ole Anthony
ARTICLE: Holy Huddlers - Hey! Just what side are You on anyway, Big Guy? by Joe Bob Briggs
INTERVIEW: Ralph Reed - Politically incorrect and hecky-darn proud of it! by Robert Darden
ARTICLE: Notes Toward A Logocentic Mode of Discourse Addressed To a Patriarcahl Deity by Roger Giner-Sorolia
ARTICLE: Let me Ask You: An Open Letter to All Pastors by Scot A. Marvin
INTERVIEW: Friar Richard John Neuhaus - Word of conciliation from Christianity's version of William F. Buckley by Arsenio Orteza
ARTICLE: Confessions of a Bible Hater - With a couple of thousand years to work on it, you'd think they could have come up with a punchier title than Deuteronomy by Stan Cox
ARTICLE: Church Trek 2: The Next Degeneration - That Counselor Troi is one heavenly babe! by Thomas Watch ARTICLE: A Brief History of Christian Comedy - And other oxymorons by Peter Marcantel
ARTICLE: Sounding Spiritual 101—A Primer for Novice Christians What they say—what they mean by Sandra Allen
CARTOON: Hot and Now (sign) "Could I have 5000 fish sandwiches to go!" Faithless Judas Never Understood Miracles
CARTOON: "When you're done fixing the furnace, could you gather up these demons from hell who escaped?"
CARTOON: "I come in peace." (alien that looks like toilet) "Trust me. You're gonna love this." (man with plunger) by Mueller
CARTOON: (Barney behind pulpit) "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family" Sunday morning's special guest miraculously averts a church split.
ARTICLE: Fun With Words - What they mean—what they say by Darrel Spenst
ARTICLE: A Collection of Church Bulletin Boo-boos - Snared from the 'Net and from church bulletin boards every where.
ARTICLE: Renovation Committee - Where the work of the Church really gets done by Eileen Johnson
ARTICLE: The Non-shaming Version of the Bible - And hey! Don't we all have enough shame in our lives as it is? by Eileen Peterson
THE BACK DOOR: Disenchantment.- What happens when the Church comes under the enchantment of culture? by Mike Yaconelli

#147 May/June 1996
(Picture of Pope John Paul II holding The Door issue with Mother Teresa on it)

INTERVIEW: The Rev. Al Sharpton - New York's controversial activist minister deftly handles tough questions about racism and hair-care by Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Oral Review: The Flu, TBN, FCC, and other Three-letter Words - It's Cosmetic Kismet! Paul and January get out of hand! by Brad Bailey
INTERVIEW: Rabbi Jack Neusner - A Rabbi talks with Jesus—then with us. by Arsenio Orteza
ARTICLE: May/June Door Bible Study - A sensitive, introspective look at the beloved "homo verses," Romans 1:26-28. by Joe Bob "The Exegete" Briggs
ARTICLE: Sex, Amy Grant, and the Quest for the Righteous Fox - We were the few, the proud, the hormonally challenged. by Mark Olson
ARTICLE: What the Homeless Really, Really Need—and Why They'll Never get it - they're homeless—we're clueless. by Joe Bob Briggs
ARTICLE: Dante's Evangelical Protestant Inferno - Not to be confused with the Trammps' "Disco Inferno." by David Huth
ARTICLE: Ben Hinny-Hinn - A song parody that's supercalifragilistic! by Randall West
CARTOON: Dante's (evangelical Protestant) Inferno….what Hell would be like if Dante had written today….! By D. Huth
ARTICLE: Bad Taste is Couple's Original Sin - Door Haiku A Dallas newspaper grouches/About Paul and January Crouch's/Sartorial faux paux. by Steve Blow
ARTICLE: What Happens, you know, to Christian Athletes when They Can't, Like, Do Sports No More? Uhh...they become televangelsists? by Rocco Maiolo
ARTICLE: Books The Door Would Burn - And we'd use our old copies of Basic Youth Conflicts as the kindling! by James W. Miller
ARTICLE: "Jesus Christ May or May Not Have Risen Today" - The first installment in an exciting new series excerpting hymns from the upcoming Unitarian Hymnal/Hernal. by David Schroeder
ARTICLE: Loser of the Month - What's the frequency, Kenneth (Copeland)?
ARTICLE: More Gleanings from the 'net - 1. Psychiatric Hotline 2. Why the Almighty Never Received Tenure
ARTICLE: Corrections/Clarifications – Some unfinished business from issue #146.
ARTICLE: Truth is Stranger than Fiction – And the scary thing is, it's getting stranger every year!
ARTICLE: The Back Door – Reflections on Closing the Door – By Mike Yaconelli
ARTICLE: Horoscope – If you were born today—get your bad self back to bed! By Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: Praying 101-Final Exam – Dang! And you thought the nightly pop quizzes were hard! By Judith Hugg
CARTOON: "False Pregnancy" and "Illiteracy Can Be Good" By Mueller

#148 July/August 1996
Special Report – Bob Dole's Shocking Secret!

ARTICLE: Bob Dole is the Antichrist – An exclusive report from the far-flung resources of the Door Intelligence Research Team (DIRT). AP, UPI, IEB, and the Fabulous Sports Babe that conclusively identifies the Top Gog.. by Skippy R.
ARTICLE: July/August Door Bible Study – A thoughtful examination of the Mark 7:14-23 pericope: Donny Woldmon's got it all wrong. by Joe Bob "The Exegete" Briggs
INTERVIEW: The Door Interview Robert Briner – That "roaring lambs" guy talks about the Church's deadly detours. by Arsenio Orteza
ARTICLE: The Second Visit from Jesus – This new fund-raising letter from Oral Roberts is a doozy! By Scot A. Marvin
ARTICLE: Why Family Values is not a Good Idea – Come to find out, it never was a very good idea. by Will Willimon
ARTICLE: Rah Rah Rah…Amen – Prayer in schools? Who Cares? – By Joe Bob Briggs
ARTICLE: Why Rednecks Could Relate to Jesus – Jeff Foxworthy wold have loved to have had this first! By Mark Moore
CARTOON: "Its for you…..It's from Robert Tilton.
INTERVIEW: Yogi Berra, Theologian – The little known spiritual side of the immortal Yankee catcher. by Peter Smith
ARTICLE: Ten Things People Won't Say When They See The Christian Bumper Sticker or More Subtle Fish Symbol on Your Car – So now you know. by Mike Higgs
LOSER OF THE MONTH: Loser of the Month – Silly Babbitt, Trix are for kids!
CARTOON: "See? There's no Christian Coalition under there." By Mueller
ARTICLE: Pastoral Subliminal Letters – Now you see 'em, now you don't. by Scot A. Marvin
CARTOON: Moses parting the Red Ink, and "Just put your hand on the TV Screen"
ARTICLE: The Church Communion Comment Card – How are we doing? By Scot A. Marvin
ARTICLE: The Conservative Christian Hierarchical Scale of Sin – As seen on the 700 Club. by Scot A. Marvin
ARTICLE: The Liberal Christian Hierarchical Scale of Sin – As seen on The Hour of Power. by Scot A. Marvin and Doug Duncan
ARTICLE: Letters to the Editor – More back-chat from our readers
CARTOON: Dole/Christian Coalition
ARTICLE: Corrections/Clarifications – Some unfinished business from issue #147
ARTICLE: Not-So-Good-News Column – We only wish we were making this stuff up! By Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: Truth is Stranger Than Fiction – And the scary thing is, it's getting stranger every year!
ARTICLE: Snappy Comebacks – Breath-taking bon mots from the Bible. by Cultural Jetlag
CARTOON: Jesus of Nazareth Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions –By Roberts and Siergey

#149 September/October 1996
Beavis and Butthead, Theologians of the Decade

ARTICLE: Theologians of the '90s" Beavis and Butthead – The, uh, voices of like, uh, a generation, you know, like speak out. Heh-heh-heh. by Skippy R.
ARTICLE: September/October Bible Study – Solomon on his 1,000 wives: "Been there, done that." By Joe Bob 'The Exegete' Briggs
INTERVIEW: The Door Interview Mike Regele – We're all surgeons in ICU—helplessly watching the death throes of the Church. by Bill McNabb & Rick Beckett
ARTICLE: The Revelation of Robertson – Found on gold plates in the strata below where Joseph Smith and Brigham Young were last seen madly digging. by Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Profile of a Goddess – Gloria Steinen's Revenge By Judy Buckner & Brianna
ARTICLE: Charles Swindoll's Address to the Graduating Class of Dallas Theological Seminary – His message gets better every year. by Scot A. Marvin
ARTICLE: Corrections/Clarifications – Never forgive, never forget, never apologize—observations on issue #148.
ARTICLE: The Door TV: An exciting announcement, a rare opportunity, a veiled threat.
ARTICLE: The Devil's Glossary – Everything you wanted to know about the Christian faith but were afraid to ask. by P.K. Yancin
ARTICLE: More Gleanings from the Internet – Excerpts from "56 B.C. and All That" By Richard Lederer
ARTICLE: The Door Five-Minute Interview: Christian Nudist Camp – Our intrepid, hormonally challenged reporter bares his soul. by Brian Kelcher
LOSER OF THE MONTH: Loser of the Month – The further psychic adventures of Socks the Cat (Jean Houston)
ARTICLE: Not-So-Good-News – A very Door-ish take on what's really happening out there.
ARTICLE: Letters to the Editor – More sassy back-talk from our reasonably loyal readers
ARTICLE: Infallible Inspirations – Taking Exodus 21:20-21 and Deuteronomy 14:26 literally will set you free. Sort of. by Cathy Sproul
ARTICLE: Truth is Stranger Than Fiction – You only wish we were making this stuff up.
ARTICLE: The Top Ten Christian Excuses for Celebrating Halloween - #11 is life-like Benny Hinn and January Crouch Masks! (Brrrrr…) By Georgia, Michael and Bob Beaverson
ARTICLE: Door Personal Ads – "Christian SWF looking for modern theologian with booty like Barth" By Brian Kelcher
CARTOON: The Real-Life Twelve-Step Program; Mentally Challenged Scientist By Mueller; Devil: "I'm raking leaves too, Charlie……"
CARTOON: Jepthah's Bad Decision "Sure you won't come with us?"; Trouble on Noah's Ark "What do you mean you're gay?" By Grant and Hafer
CARTOON: King: "It took me a while, but I finally found a publisher for my Bible"

#150 November/December 1996
Madonna with Child (Dennis Rodman) – Special 25th Anniversary Issue

ARTICLE: Madonna With Child – Why men never grow up—a comparison of ancient and modern icons. (With a sidebar featuring a transcription of one of "Dr." Gene Scott's legendary rants.) by Skippy R.
CARTOON: A Wolf In Madonna's Clothing; Frosty the Hit Man by Mueller
ARTICLE: November/December Bible Study – What "the Song of Solomon" really means (Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.) by Joe Bob "The Exegete" Briggs
ILLUSTRATION: The Song of Solomon Illustrated – By popular demand—an old favorite revisited.
INTERVIEW: The Door Interview Dan Wakefield – A Door exclusive for the Miracle Season: Solid Feel-good theology from a Unitarian! By Bill McNabb
INTERVIEW: The Door Interview Ravi Batra – Another Door exclusive: Solid good-feel theology from a Tantric! by Brian Kelcher
CARTOON: "I don't believe in you, but I love the whole ritual thing." And "I know I'm not supposed to be stirring, but all that eggnog I drank is making me puke."
ARTICLE: Focus On The Temple – Some hocus pocus at Focus. by Cheryl A. Smith
ARTICLE: Another Announcement Asking For "Door TV" Video Clips – We asked you nice last time. This time we ain't gonna ask so nice.
ARTICLE: How To Be Pastoral – Mind-reading the minister made easy. by James W. Miller and Wendy Edwards
ARTICLE: Understanding Church Leaders – Our crack Decoding team Deciphers the latest from the theologically elite. by James W. Miller
ARTICLE: Gleanings From The Internet – Jesus and Elvis—Further proof positive that Americans will download durn near anything these days.
ARTICLE: The Last Word – A 25th anniversary message from our publisher (amplified).
ARTICLE: Dobson Letter – Dobson rebuffs poor little Becky.
ARTICLE: James Dobson's Guide to Choosing a Church – It's easy if you'll just follow the Big Guy's instructions. by James W. Miller
LOSER OF THE MONTH: James Dobson - Wherein we prove, once again, The Door's capacity for pettiness knows no bounds.
CARTOON: "Didn't I say, 'Make sure you go before we leave?" by Tim Ayers
ARTICLE: Letters To The Editor – Fast back chat from our dozens of loyal readers.
CARTOON: "I want a new prostate" by Mueller
ARTICLE: Corrections/Clarifications – Me-a culpa, you-a culpa, we-all-aculpa. Comprende?
ARTICLE: First Annual International Conference of Spontaneous Prayer and Fasting – It makes us hungry just thinking about it! by Jeff Arthurs and Steve Hines
ARTICLE: Not-So-Good News – Hot tips and cold quips from America's newspapers of choice.
CARTOON: "Come out, foul spirit!" (Disney)
ARTICLE: Truth is Stranger Than Fiction – Stuff we would've made up if we weren't so dad-blamed tired all the time.
ARTICLE: Back Cover – Suitable for framing. Four-color reproductions of our previous four covers—plus a sneaky plug for a special sale on those very same back issues. Get in the Christmas spirit, y'all!

#151 January/February 1997
Louis Farrakhan—Brother From Another Planet

ARTICLE: Minister Louis Farrakhan – Can't we all just get along? By Skippy R.
CARTOON: "Is That Shirt Right? By Mueller
ARTICLE: More Hymns From The Unitarian Hymnal: "I Believe" – We're wildly apathetic. Sing along. If you must. by David Schroeder
ARTICLE: Theology As Elective – As a pre-requisite, you've got to check your brain at the door. by Gerald Morris
ARTICLE: Prayer Of The Dalai Lala – Surely Shirley's gotten a clue by now. by Randall F. West
ARTICLE: Amazing But True Little-known Facts About The Bible – You'll be on the edge of your seat. by Ada Milenkovic Brown
INTERVIEW: Door Interview – Andy Ferguson – The "funniest man in Washington" shows his soft, sensitive side. Well, sort of. by Becky Garrison
CARTOON: "It took me awhile, but I think I finally found a publisher for my Bible
ARTICLE: The Congregational Prayer/Daydream – Who knows what evil lurks in the minds of men? Or women, for that matter. by D.R. Chapman
CARTOON: Homelessland by Roberts and Siergey
ARTICLE: The Last Word – When the moon hits your eye like a really big pizza pie…by Ole Anthony
CARTOON: "…An abnormality would be the fear of a man who desired to glance thru the pages of something as outrageous as The Wittenburg Door"
ARTICLE: Letters to the Editor – Our readers writhe.
CARTOON; "In the Charismatic circles, do the interpreters to the deaf ever speak in an unknown finger?"
CARTOON: "Believe me. Free will is overrated." by Mueller
ARTICLE: Corrections/Clarifications – Department of Redundancy Department Headquarters.
ARTICLE: Religious Pick Up Lines – Guaranteed to work—just remember to practice safe sects. by P.K. Yancin and Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: Top Ten Signs Your Church Is In Trouble – Be careful. Be very careful…by Georgia Beaverson and Crystal Humphress
ARTICLE: Pastoral Form Letters – A progressive revelation. by Becky Garrison
LOSER OF THE MONTH: Jack Kevorkian – Jack says "suicide is painless" and none of his clients has disagreed with him. So far, anyway.
CARTOON: Agribusiness As Usual by Mueller
CARTOON: "Me?…I made fun of C.S. Lewis."
ARTICLE: Goodbye, Dr. Death—Hello, Stan The Man! – Cut-rate crucifixions! Must move all murders by Monday! Sale on sacrifices! Discount on death! By Stan Cox
ARTICLE: Gleanings From The Internet – Hermeneutics in Everyday Life and God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire.
CARTOON: "I kept saying, "Tomorrow, tomorrow I'll tell him about Christ."
CARTOON: "Thanks for what you've given me, Now, how about some more?"
CARTOON: Andrew has his own show on cable.
ARTICLE: The First Door "Share A 'Toon" Page. – Fax 'em to your friends and soon-to-be-enemies.
ARTICLE: Faubus And Farrakhan – A rose by any other name…by Joe Bob Briggs
ARTICLE: Memo From The Pastor – What happens when it ain't just baptismal candidates taking a bath! By P.K. Yancin
ARTICLE: Not-So-Good-News And Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction – Double your pleasure with these twin treasures! By Brian Kelcher
CARTOON: "Scary Stories From The Bible" No. 1 – And you thought Aliens was scary! By Cultural Jetlag

#152 March/April 1997
Puffy—Perseverance Under Fire Award

ARTICLE: The Puffy Awards (Formerly Losers of the Year) – Our annual compendium of the world's elite weenies, green and otherwise. by Skippy R.
INTERVIEW: Steve Allen – Mr. Jayne Meadows has a lot to say about life in general. by Becky Garrison
CARTOON: The dark side of Paul. by Twayers
CARTOON: "You're envious of my success, aren't you? By Mueller
ARTICLE: Not So Good News/Truth Is Stranger - Ahhhhh, but what is truth you say…..
ARTICLE: W.V. Grant, I.R.S. Playmate of the Month Centerfold – In honor of April 15, our lovely and talented pinup Mr. March/April
INTERVIEW: William Martin – Fundamental observations on the state of conservative religion in America. (Or is it conservative observations on the state of fundamentalist religion in America? We forget.) by The Door Editorial Board
CARTOON: Jesus----The Early Years by Stratton
ARTICLE: The God of Newsweek – The percentages aren't with us. by Joe Bob Briggs
ARTICLE: Translating Evangelese – The Rosetta Stone of Evangelicaldom de-coded! By James W. Miller
CARTOON: Faxable 'Toon Page – Xerox 'em and send 'em to friends and soon-to-be enemies compliments of The Door
ARTICLE: A Test of Faith for Evangelicals – A prerequisite for admission into Evangelicaldom 101. by T.W. Ayers and Steve Christensen
ARTICLE: Religious Television I.Q. Test – Cheating is not allowed. By Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: Letters to the Editor – Our readers rant. Our readers rave.
ARTICLE: The Door's Web Page Page – That's right! The Door's officially online (not to be confused with being officially mainline).
ARTICLE: The Last Word – Ole confesses he once committed televangelism. by Ole Anthony
ARTICLE: The Big Back-Door Deal – Three Bucks-a-Door….Any Door! Would we kid you?
ARTICLE: The Door Yellow Pages – Stuff you never knew you needed from people you never knew existed. by Crystal Humphress and Skippy R.
CARTOON: Steve takes his involvement in the "puppet ministry" very seriously.

#153 May/June 1997
An Interview With The Most Controversial Gingrich (Newt in drag on the cover)

INTERVIEW: Candace Gingrich – The world's most controversial Gingrich does indeed talk abut life, faith, and like, you know, stuff. by Becky Garrison
CARTOON: Barbie & Ken at 50. by Mueller
CARTOON: Dyslexic Prophets. by Darden
CARTOON: Larry's First Sunday As An Usher Didn't Work Out.
CARTOON: "Yes, I can speak. But I can't speak for all bivalves"
ARTICLE: Religious Rant, Right? – An incendiary rant from Miller's latest book, The Rants. by Dennis Miller
INTERVIEW: Joe Dallas – "Saving" gays and lesbians from themselves in Orange, California. by Arsenio Orteza
INTERVIEW: Tom Bodett – The reclusive author, philosopher, Homer, Alaska, native, and Motel 6 devotee talks for the first time about his faith.
CARTOON: "Any other experience besides charismatic?"
ARTICLE: Not So Good News – We still claim we're not making these up. by Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction – We swear we're not making these up either.
ARTICLE: Critical Notes From The Journal For The Study Of Berber Gnosticism: Abstracts On HN 1-10 ("Three Little Pigs") – Scholars will go hog wild over this latest bit of cutting edge biblical research. by Kathleen Kern and Christopher Garrett Kern
ARTICLE: Written On The Bathroom Wall – Didn't Simon & Garfunkel write a song about this?
LOSER OF THE MONTH: Bill Gates – The Gospel According to Bill Gates.
ARTICLE: Rationalization By Faith – By their justifications shall ye know them. by Ed L. Weir
ARTICLE: The Last Word – How I spent My Summer Vacation. by Ole Anthony
ARTICLE: Joe Bob Briggs – It's a percentage thing.
ARTICLE: God's Rules – Snaggin' hunks and babes in the name o' the Lord. by Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: The Layperson's Guide to World Religions – We invite you to comparison shop. by Jill Blanche
ARTICLE: 20 Very Short Religious Books by Becky Garrison
CARTOON: Pennies From Hell by Mueller
ARTICLE: Seeker Service – Everybody's welcome? By Skippy R.
CARTOON: "We're playing Post Office" by Mueller
ARTICLE: Top Ten Signs That Mormons Are Taking Over The Neighborhood Top Fifteen Failed Christian Business Ventures – Not included: "W.V. Grant Commemorative Soap-on-a-Rope Gift Set." By Georgia L. Beaverson and Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: Back Talk – Letters
CARTOON: Fax-able Toon Page: "yes, but it's a dry heat" (hell); Deniro Does Moses; "Here…have an egg, you'll feel better" (easter bunny); Pigskin funeral
ARTICLE: The Door's Web Page Notice – Hey, guys! Look at us! We're on the Web! We've been digitalized!
ARTICLE: Gleanings From The Internet – The various and sundry numbers of the Beast.
ARTICLE: Back Issues Deal – You want 'em, we're got 'em.
CARTOON: Scary Stories from the Bible – Lot and his wife. by Cultural Jetlag

#154 July/August 1997
Lemmings'gate: A Cult Revisited

ARTICLE: Lemmings' Gate – Confessions of another small, furry, Norwegian mammal. by Squeaky R.
CARTOON: Trouble on the Star Trek set – by Mueller
INTERVIEW: Do of Heaven's Gate – We're not making this up. by the Trinity Foundation Editorial Board
CARTOON: My Journey Through the Internet – Day Sez: Progress is Slowed by a 'Gates' Gang.
ARTICLE: UFO Cult Sampler – Always worry when your rental agreement makes no mention of returning your security deposit. by Brian Kelcher
LOSER OF THE MONTH: Co-Losers of the Month: Courtney Brown, Art Bell, Chuck Shramek, and Ed Dames – The Four Horseman of the Hale-Boppalooza
CARTOON: "Father said it would be more effective if you didn't light the Advent candles and yell 'Fire in the hole'."
CARTOON: "I feel your pain" by Mueller
CARTOON: "Everything was quiet and the next thing we knew it was like a scene from "X-Files" and Biggus Chickenus over there passed out!"
CARTOON: "I'm going to eat the Universe, and I'm going to start with you!" by Mueller
CARTOON: "Better have a big breakfast" by Mueller
CARTOON: "Is that shirt right?" by Mueller
INTERVIEW: Rev. John Beverly Butcher – How now the Tao of Jesus? by Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Tilton Rolls to Victory in '97 Televangelist Super Bowl! – Rockin' Robert wins by the slimmest of margins over a surprise contender. by Doug Peterson
ARTICLE: Top 10 Signs You AREN'T Going to be Ordained As… - You seminary students out there, pay very close attention to this one. by Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: An American Preacher in King Jesus' Court – With apologies to Mark Twain, Shania Twain, and Shannon Tweed. by Scott Becker
ARTICLE: Biblical Scenes That Will Never Become Precious Moments Collector Sets – Not unless Joe Bob Briggs, Stephen King, and Hannibal Lector become Chief Designers! By Gregory L. Crosthwait
ARTICLE: Not So Good News – We really didn't make these up, promise.
ARTICLE: The Man is Spaced Out – A fable for today written in 1975. by Russell Beber
ARTICLE: End of the World Headlines – Read 'em first here.
ARTICLE: Top 10 Reasons Why Jesus Never Married – Because one omniscient spouse per household is plenty. by Robert Darden
ARTICLE: Joe Bob 'The Exegete' Briggs – Suicide may not be painful—but it is stupid. by Joe Bob Briggs.
CARTOON: "Your uncle was in a cult" by Mueller
CARTOON: Fax-able Toon Page: Faithless Judas never understood Miracles; Restrooms at a new Age Restaurant; A Zen Thanksgiving; The Prodigal Son Returns
ARTICLE: The Last Word – In the tradition of other great duos; Liz & Dick, Do & Ti, Punch & Judy, The Menendez Brothers, January & Dean—Ole and Joe Bob! By Ole Anthony and Joe Bob Briggs
ARTICLE: Letters to the Editor – Our Readers rock, roll, and recriminate
ARTICLE: Gleanings From The Internet – The Numbers of the Beast #2
ARTICLE: Top 12 Reasons Why Every Protestant Should Own an Orthodox Study Bible – You mean, besides the fact that they come in designer colors Byzantine blue and Constantinople purple? By Kathy Harris-Zmudka
CARTOON: Homeless People Make Great Pets!

#155 September/October 1997
The Door. Buy This Magazine Or Billy Gets It.

INTERVIEW: Henry Beard – If you don't like this issue's cover, blame this man. by Becky Garrison
INTERVIEW: Charles Colson – In honor of the 25th anniversary of Watergate, one of our intrepid reporters tracks down "Chuckles" Colson but forgets to ask "Who was Deep Throat, really?" By Peter Smith
INTERVIEW: The Rev. Billy Graham – The Just As I Am guy receives the "Just a darn minute there, buster!" treatment. by The Door's waggish Editorial Board.
ARTICLE: The Unpublished First Draft Of The Press Release For Just As I Am – A actual press release from the Rev. Billy Graham with his We-swear-to-God actual thoughts parenthetically inserted! by Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Henry Reisch Pitches The Big Guy – Have your people give my people a call, J-man. Ciao, baby. by Tim Ayers
ARTICLE: The Door's Guide To Good & Evil – Classic Western responses to questions of Theodicy by a couple of theodiots. by Daniel Scuiry and Tom Hoffmann
ARTICLE: Religious Best-Seller Lists For The '90s – More publishing insight from the author of He's Still Moving Bowels. by James W. Hoffman II
CARTOON: Faxable 'Toon Page: "Yes for the hundred and fiftieth time! We're burning in hell!!!!!" by Callahan; "We would have had you over sooner, but there was so much evidence around."; The Lousy Pyramids of Egypt by Mueller; "What kind of immortality plan do you guys offer?"; The Mountain comes to Mohammed.
ARTICLE: You Might Be A Cult Member If… - Does Brother Zargon know you're reading this? By Anonymous
ARTICLE: Can You Sell This? - We weren't going to buy this wretched article, but John and Peter managed to reel us in. – by John Carney & Peter Smith
ARTICLE: Thank God IT Wasn't Dolly! - A fantasy, an allegory, a naked case of gratuitous Purkey-bashing. by Gilbert Roy Rasmussen
ARTICLE: NBA's Rodman Claims Bias In Rejection Of Mother Teresa Succession Bid – Dennis apparently has too much time on his hands this off-season. by Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: Top Ten Reasons For Rejecting Christianity - #11—You don't get too hung up on Easter. by George Beaverson
ARTICLE: Smokey Apocalypse – This angelic message is a real miracle. by Neil Ellis Orts
ARTICLE: Just How Religious Are You? - Check your spiritual Temperature with this written equivalent of a rectal thermometer. by P.K. Yancin
ARTICLE: The Bible Through Church-Colored Glasses – Warning! Fundamentalists, mainline churchgoers, and Unitarians will find this drivel to be patently offensive. Everyone else should be O.K., though. by Anonymous
ARTICLE: Promise Keepers Anonymous – Open to anyone who is PO'd at P.K. First names only, please. by Darrel Spenst
ARTICLE: Top Ten Ways To Increase Church Attendance – Be the first on your block to make a (bound photocopy) for your favorite pastor, priest, rabbi, or channeler! By Alan Wiebe
ARTICLE: Top Ten Commandments According To… - More theological insight from Kathie Lee Gifford, O.J. Simpson, and other spirited giants. by Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: The Exegete – Does an all knowing, all seeing, all-powerful God Really need your help? By Joe Bob Briggs.
LOSER OF THE MONTH: Sour Grapes Department; It's payback time for that rebel without a clue, Franklin Graham.
CARTOON: "Oh, Great. And just when we got the building paid off." By Allen
CARTOON: A homeless scuba diver. by Mueller
ARTICLE: Not So Good News – It's getting harder and harder to satirize these folks.
ARTICLE: Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction – Shocking contributions from our faithful readers.
ARTICLE: Letters To The Editor – Even more shocking contributions from our faithful readers. Some of which are signed.
ARTICLE: The Last Word – The Gospel was lived—not preached—at Edna's House.
ARTICLE: Gleanings From The Internet – More numbers o' the Beast.

#156 November/December 1997
Saint Bill; Is the Right wrong?

ARTICLE: Holy-Graphic Virtual Mate – Yama Goochie goochie goo, sweetheart! By Ed Wier and Skippie R.
INTERVIEW: Gil Alexander-Moegerle – One of the co-founders of Focus on the Family talks candidly about his book, James Dobson's War on America, while secreted deep within our editorial bunker. by The Trinity Foundation Editorial Board
INTERVIEW: Dick Morris – The famous former Clinton advisor Morris talks publicly---for the first time anywhere—about a couple of epiphanies he and his boss have encountered recently (and no, they weren't in seedy hotel rooms, either!) by Becky Garrison
CARTOON: "Yes, I'm sure your poem is lovely, Mrs. Lipschitz, but I simply will not read from the pulpit a poem entitled 'Hot Damn, Its Christmas!"
CARTOON: "Don't mind Running Mouth. He's just mad because we Decided not to massacre you."
CARTOON: Visit Santa at his Web Site at Error! Bookmark not defined..
CARTOON: (Executioner hanging Christmas ornaments of little people hanging from nooses)
CARTOON: "Naughty or nice, I'm still not going to pay your social security." (child spoken to Santa)
ARTICLE: The New Door Book Review For The '90's, Part II – The where list of all bookstores lists turns to Non-fiction. by James W. Hofman II
ARTICLE: Ten Things That Might Suggest You Have A Spirit Guide (Read: Demon) – Buying a smart-alecky "religious" magazine on a regular basis might be a good clue, Sherlock. by Dawn Abraham and Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: The Pessimist's And Optimist's Guides To Church History – One person sees a glass half full; we see one person full of it. by T. Jones
ARTICLE: The Clock Is Ticking – Mr. Moody Science Guy Explains it all for you. by Tim Ayers
ARTICLE: Women Priests? Infallibly Not: Cardinal Ratzinger Elaborates – A special Christmas gift for all you little sweet darlin's out there. by Thomas Shane
ARTICLE: Choruses: Their Origin – Probably from the same place they first found the Ebola virus. by Matt Halsey
ARTICLE: Joe Bob's Place – There's no telling what—or who—you'll find when you spend a night in Joe Bob Briggs' Dallas apartment. by Gil Alexander-Moegerle
ARTICLE: Excerpts from James Dobson's Book Proposal – Discipline, discipline, discipline—it all comes back to discipline, stupid. by David Rupert
ARTICLE: The Bible Code: Revisited – Playing Scrabble with the future; playing Yahtzee with the past. by Todd Outcalt
ARTICLE: Disney VS. Those Southern Baptists – That's okay—Disney employees have been boycotting The First Baptist Church of Dallas for years anyway. by Craig McNair Wilson
ARTICLE: Free Advice On Surviving Ministry In The Latter 20th Century – You're probably going to find this hard to believe, but what they say ain't ALWAYS what they mean! By Roberta Young Jonnett
ARTICLE: Knowing When To Put To Sea – Gil's equally hyphenated better half talks about paradigms to a bunch of folks who don't have a pair o'nickels to rub together. by Carolyn Alexander-Moegerle
ARTICLE: Kid's Letters To God – Kid's say the darnedest things about the Bible.
ARTICLE: Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction – The truth is waaay out there !!!!!
ARTICLE: Not-So-Good News – All the news that prints.
ARTICLE: Letters to the Editor & Corrections and Clarifications
ARTICLE: A Crystal Cathedral Christmas – The Door's intrepid sleuths fished this cheerful Yule document out of bob Schuller's trash. by Scot A. Marvin
LOSER OF THE MONTH: Robert Schuller – Let the Be-Attitude Adjustment hour begin!
ARTICLE: Twelve-Step Program For Arachnids Anonymous – There's nothing sadder than seeing a down-and-out black widow guzzling black and tans at a neighborhood pub. by Dawn Abraham
ARTICLE: What If Famous Christians Had Their Own Comic Strips? – Now we have something else that The New York Times doesn't have! By Tim Ayers
ARTICLE: A Tribute To Deion's Heroic, Selfless Gesture – Generous gridiron gladiator gives God gobs o' glory. by Tim Rogers
ARTICLE: Ole Anthony's Last Word – Why the death of Diana matters in God's economy.
CARTOON: (three wisemen looking at the star; one of the wisemen is Elvis) "wow", "wow", "cool"

#157 January/February 1998
Midnight In The Rose Garden Of Good And Evil with Bill Clinton

DOOR BOOK REVIEW: Single and Gloating – Hey! "Monogamy" and "monotony" have the same root words! By Ed L. Wier
CARTOON: Cowpope, by Mueller
CARTOON: "Job, it says pass this chain letter along or have bad luck." Job: "Oh, just throw it away"
CARTOON: "Lord, could you program my VCR?" by Callahan
INTERVIEW: Julia Sweeney – Ever heard of Saturday Night Live? Ever heard of Pat? Ever heard of God Said Ha! No? Neither have we. by Arsenio Orteza
CARTOON: Signs and Wonders: Ever wonder what caused the first evangelical split? "Tastes Great" vs. "Less Filling"
CARTOON: A Sign of the End Times, "I'm looking for the Sandi Patty study bible"
CARTOON: "Pastor, I sense that God is calling me to a ministry to the homeless. Do you have any of their addresses?"
CARTOON: (In Hell) "Remember…you're not bad people, you've just done bad things."
ARTICLE: APA Journal Reviews – Separating the video wheat from the video chaff is a job for a wild man. by Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: Southern Baptists Announce Shift to "Presidential Infallibility" and Formation of "College of Good Ol' Boys" in Wake of Southern Seminary Librarian Firing – Moral: Do as Baptists say, don't do as Baptists do. by Paul Somerville
INTERVIEW: John Hannah – Selling your soul for relevance. by the Trinity Foundation Editorial Board
ARTICLE: Promise Keepers Announce Groundbreaking New Bible Translation: Good News for Big Guys – Comes in a special beer-and-Cheeto resistant Naugahyde cover!
ARTICLE: Liturgical Line Dance Jubilee – And you were sick of the Macarena! By Ada M. Brown
ARTICLE: American Family Association's Guide to the Bible – A very short guide…by Doug Duncan
ARTICLE: Anatomy of an Evangelist – A televangelist is a Christian created by a finance committee, a satellite, and a building fund. By Craig McNair Wilson
CARTOON: Faxable "Toon Page – Annoy your friends, enrage your enemies with these miniature masterpieces.
ARTICLE: Top Ten Alternate Careers for Robert Tilton – Wherein we indulge in more gratuitous Tilton-bashing involving John Gotti's evil twin brother. by Georgia Beaverson and Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: Worship – A reverent look at an ancient and beloved Sunday morning ritual. by Jean Lersch
ARTICLE: Christians are from Mars Heathens are from Venus – Does that Mean most of the Door staff is from Uranus? By Ed L. Wier
ARTICLE: Gleanings from the Internet: Microsoft God – You mean Bill Gates isn't God?!
ARTICLE: Numbers of the Beast – YOU tell him they don't add up!
ARTICLE: Classifieds – DM (Door Magazine) DS (desperately seeking) subscribers, Smoke-free and drug-free optional. No games. by James Miller
ARTICLE: Not So Good News, Truth is Stranger Than Fiction – We're still not making any of this stuff up.
ARTICLE: Letters to the Editor – Our readers rant and rave; our editors sweat and slave.
ARTICLE: Corrections/Clarifications – "A foolish consistency is the hob-goblin of little minds."—Emerson
ARTICLE: Top Ten Things You Must Never, Ever (Really, We're Not Kidding About This---Promise Us You Won't) Say at a Promise Keeper Rally – Notice: The Publishers are not responsible for the consequences if you do. by Paul Somerville
LOSER OF THE MONTH: Pat Robertson – Don't hate me because I'm an arrogant multi-millionaire… by Skippy R.
ARTICLE: A Groveling Apology To Our Readers
ARTICLE: Seven Years in Provo – Three Mormon movies you may have missed. By Skippy R.
ARTICLE: The Door Talks Trash – He who steal my purse, steals trash…along with a fetching ensemble-look with faux leather mauve boots. by Tim Ayers
ARTICLE: Gag The Dog – Has the Southern Baptist Convention bitten off more than it can chew with this uncompromising resolution? By Skippy R.
ARTICLE: Report of Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr – Wherein we tap into results of another undercover Door investigation. by Robert Darden
ARTICLE: Ole's Last Word – Satire, a flat tire, and cold pancakes. by Ole Anthony
CARTOON: Disney's "Jesus" – The subliminals in this movie are going to be a DOOZY! By Cultural Jet Lag

#158 May/June 1998
We Put Bill Buckley On The Firing Line

ARTICLE: The Reverend (With Apologies to Edgar Allen Poe) – As Puff Daddy once said, "Who's that rappin' rappin' at my parlor door?" by Doug Duncan
ARTICLE: Hocuscope – Who needs the Psychic Friends Network when you've to The Door? By Melinda Brindley
INTERVIEW: William F. Buckley – Wherein, much to his dismay, The Door places both Buckley AND his book 'Nearer, My God' on the firing line! By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: The Epistle of Brad – Always a day late and a drachma short… by Robert Darden
INTERVIEW: A. Whitney Brown – An angry, aging Agnostic gets antagonistic with us. By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Spiritualutions – At last! Resolutions we ALL can live with! By Darrel Spenst
INTERVIEW: Virgina Stem Owens – Is "creative writing" an oxymoron in Christian circles? By the Trinity Foundation Editorial Board
ARTICLE: On the Air with Rev. Baltrippe – The Q & A that reminds us to always mind our P's and Q's. by H. Turnip Smith
ARTICLE: Multi-Level Membership Plan Seen As Solution to Promise Keepers Rift – Am-Way, Yahweh, what's the difference? By Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: How Literal Are You? – But then, most Liberal Theologians question who is buried in Grant's Tomb. By John Carney
ARTICLE: Religious Videos---Top 10 New Releases – For those of you out there who think 'The Wings of a Dove' is the new film from Billy Graham. By Ada Milenkovic Brown
ARTICLE: Let There Be More Light (The Door's Take on Those Stupid Light Bulb Jokes) – Stop us if you've heard any of these…..please! by Kathy Harris-Zmudka
FAXABLE TOON PAGE – File under: Stuff You Do When You Should be Working.
ARTICLE: An Examination of Gender Differences in Understanding the Ten Commandments/Neither Greek Nor Jew – With a special appendix for our treasured hermaphroditic readers. By Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: The Missing Issue…We Did It For You! – Why this issue HAD to be late AND an exciting announcement about the future that means never having to say you're sorry again! By The Editors
ARTICLE: The Top 12 Things Jesus Would NOT Do If He Were Here Today – Not that we're keeping score or anything…by Doug Duncan and Skippy R.
ARTICLE: Loser P.K. Confidential – Who killed Cock Robin, circa 1997. By Skippy R.
ARTICLE: Not So Good News/Truth is Stranger Than Fiction – Truth Decay.
CORRECTIONS/CLARIFICATIONS – Hey you want perfection? Buy 'Sourjourners'!
ARTICLE: Church Bulletin Bloopers – Freud would have a hey-day with some of these whoppers!
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR – Our readers write, writhe and roll!
ARTICLE: The Exegete – Our forgotten tribesman returns from Mother Russia after turning his exegetical Nikon on icons. – by Joe Bob Briggs
THE LAST WORD: The Madness of Ken George – The Door gets a stiff dose of reality from a holy fool. And likes it.
ARTICLE: Mr. Beast's Page – More mathematical missives for the Millennium.
CARTOON: "I'm afraid he's joined one of those white ceramicist groups" by Mueller
CARTOON: "Though content as a simple farmer, Elmer often found the urge to preach irresistible." By Allen
CARTOON: "We're sorry. This law firm does not defend fallen angels"

#159 July/August 1998
The New Doorker - Callahan

ARTICLE: William Morris Agency, Henry Reisch Follow Up Letter - Wherein the J-Man and Henry Reisch do lunch. Again. By Tim Ayers
INTERVIEW: Callahan Interview - Our most famous living paraplegic cartoonist lashes out against gratuitous Christian-bashing. By Brian Kelcher
INTERVIEW: Molly Ivins Interview - She can't say that in The Door. Can she? By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: WWJD—The Pocket Guide - FWDHAC (Frankly, we don't have a clue!). By Todd Outcalt
ARTICLE: Pope Upbeat After Cuba Visit—A Dispatch from the 21st Century - And doesn't Her Holiness look smashing in royal purple? By Thomas Shane
INTERVIEW: Keith Miller Interview - Reality check. By Trinity Foundation Editorial Board
ARTICLE: Deep Spiritual Thoughts - Hatched while under the influence of a nasty head cold and Sudafed. By Randall F. West
ARTICLE: You Too Can be a Published Christian Author! - A heart-worming exchange between a writer and a vanity press. By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Holy Spirit Q-Ball - It's deja voodoo all over again, man. By Ed Wier
CARTOON: Faxable 'Toon Page - Shameless space-filler thy name is faxable toon page.
ARTICLE: Puddler on the Woof - And we ain't talkin' aromatherapy here, either. By Dr. James A. Smith
ARTICLE: Top Ten Ways to Know You Have Joined the Wrong Church - #11—you see Joe Bob's pickup outside the nave.
CARTOON: Religion in Hollywood "Dear God, allow me to start out by saying I'm a huge fan of your work....." by Jennifer Berman
CARTOON: In the Beginning Funnies #7: God contemplates Justice. By Jennifer Berman
CARTOON: Two of the disciples have a power Cooney
ARTICLE: Pax Net Television Schedule - An exclusive sneak peek at the most eagerly awaited new network since TBN! By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: U.S. Calvary Cavalry - Drop and give us 50, pilgrim! By Ed Wier
ARTICLE: Special Advertisement - Brought to you by the Bible Friends Network. (First 10 chapters free!) By Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: LUZR Talk Radio - A plethora of Losers! By Skippy R.
ARTICLE: Not So Good News - Ludicrous, thy name is modern religion. Compiled by Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: Corrections/Clarifications - Error-prone, thy name is Door.
ARTICLE: Truth is Stranger Than Fiction - Tacky, thy name is Christian. Compiled by Brian Kelcher
THE EXEGETE: Our Senior Editor fills in while Joe Bob Briggs recovers from smooching icons. By Joe Bob Darden
THE LAST WORD: Lessons from the Onion Lady. By Ole Anthony
ARTICLE: What If Truth in Advertising Hit the Church Yellow Pages? - More yellow journalism, courtesy of your friendly, neighborhood, muck-raking Door. By Tim Ayers
ARTICLE: Benny Hinn/Benny Hill Comparison - Remember when the Kennedy/Lincoln assassination comparisons were all the rage? This is even dumber! By Mark Jaquette
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Outspoken, thy name is Door reader. Complied by Doug Duncan
ARTICLE: When Sermon Titles Go Terribly, Terribly Wrong - That's why they print them in the bulletin—so you'll know when to go home after Sunday School. By James W. Miller

#160 September/October 1998
Christian Soldier of Fortune - Guns N' Moses

ARTICLE: The Ten Commandments of NRA President Charlton Heston - Ten Commandments hardly seem to be enough for Big Chuck. By Paul Somerville
INTERVIEW: The Door Interview Arianna Huffington - Conservatives DO have a conscience! By Becky Garrison
INTERVIEW: The Door Interview Dr. Susan Garrett - When angels come alive. By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Gleanings from the Internet "Gracious Submission" - World Premiere of a new Southern Baptist hymn!
INTERVIEW: The Door Interview Harlan Ellison - The beast who cried "Oy vey!" at the heart of the atom.
ARTICLE: Corrections/Clarifications - So we messed up. So sue us.
ARTICLE: The Bible, Corrected - It's about darn time! By Robert M. Price
ARTICLE: East Gallop, Nebraska Christian Middle School Math Proficiency Exam - Premise #1: Darwin was the Anti-Christ. By Kathy Harris-Zmudka
ARTICLE: 10 Signs You Are Being Called to be a Prophet/10 Signs You Are Being Called to be a Televangelist - Oddly enough there is no overlap between these two lists! By Skippy R and Ed Wier
ARTICLE: Top 10 Signs Your Kids are Watching Too Much Religious TV - #11: When they can tell you the country of origin of each ICBM during the opening of the nightly Trinity Broadcasting broadcast. By Ed L. Wier
ARTICLE: An Open Letter to James V. Heidinger II, Publisher, Good News Publishing - Wherein we methodically dis the Methodists. By Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: Brother Retentive - Our very own version of "Dear Abby"...or is that "Dear Shabby"? By Matthew Polly
ARTICLE: Top 10 Bad Sermon Openers - #11: "Good evening, welcome to Word of Faith Ministries. I'm Pastor Bob Tilton...". By Ed L. Weir and Doug Duncan
ARTICLE: Pat Flags Orlando's Magic Kingdom - Is Orlando really the most wicked city in America? By Benjamin R. Wilson, MD
ARTICLE: One Day in the Life of Willie Ramsey - Happiness is STILL a warm gun, Reverend. By Adam Finley
ARTICLE: How to become the Pastor's Pet - Kids: don't try any of these suggestions at home. Or in church. This is grown-up satire. By Kathy Harris-Zmudka
CARTOON: Your child on Guns? Three by Mueller
ARTICLE: Some Peace Accords We'd Like to See - Hey! You left out Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan! By Doug Duncan
ARTICLE: United Methodist Women Celebrate "Great Commiseration" in Orlando - Assuming one of Pat Robertson's asteroids doesn't flatten it first. By Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: Top 10 Things an Amish Person Would NEVER Say - #11: Things go better with coke! By Adam Finley
ARTICLE: Loser of the Bi-Month—Charlton Heston - Has the Chuckster finally met his match? By Robert Darden
ARTICLE: Not So Good News - Not to be confused with Not So Bad News. Compiled by Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: Truth is Stranger Than Fiction - It is! It is!
THE EXEGETE: More Biblical mandates for our time on keeping slaves and eating pork chops. By Steve Blow
THE LAST WORD: Why we do what we do! By Ole Anthony
ARTICLE: Six Flags Over Armageddon - When going to Disney World just isn't quite enough. By Paul Somerville and Skippy R.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Our readers write and write and write. By Doug Duncan
CARTOON: Prayer Requests - Got a zit? Who you gonna call? By Cultural Jetlag

#161 November/December 1998
The Artist Formerly Known As THE PRINCE OF EGYPT

ARTICLE: The Artist Formerly Known as the Prince of Egypt - A sneak preview of Disney's upcoming epic, The Zion King! By Robert Darden and Becky Garrison
INTERVIEW: The Door Interview JW Luman - A modern-day cosmic cowboy and the timeless Christ. By the Trinity Foundation Editorial Board
INTERVIEW: The Door Interview R.C. Sproul - Big name, big words, bigger concepts. By Arsenio Ortezia
CARTOON: Three Santa Claus cartoons from Mueller; "How Abraham ended up with circumcision" by Allen; "This week we'll be wrapping up our series on Christian liberty" by Norris; "There –now we can start on the missions fund." By Norris.
INTERVIEW: The Door Interview Bill Leonard - Southern Baptists shoot their wounded. Also: two letters from Paige Patterson for your reading pleasure. By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: The Making of... - The real story behind the making of The Artist Formerly known as The Prince of Egypt. By Skippy R.
ARTICLE: More Deep Spiritual Thoughts - From the guy who put the curse in cursillo. By Randall F. West
ARTICLE: The Prodigal Son or The Case Study of the Non-Self-Actualizing Younger Sibling - "Oedipal rival, give me some fundage, because I feel the need to be self-actualized." By Dan Horner
ARTICLE: Hansen's Four Spiritual Laws for Parents - How to "Mmmbop" at your next Basic Youth Conflicts Seminar. By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Reverend Retentive - Another helping from a jingoistic, narrow-minded chauvinist—and darned proud of it! by Matthew Polly
ARTICLE: Top 10 Reasons Why Christians Shouldn't Have Christmas Trees - #11-because it doesn't have the pagan overtones of the Yule log, mistletoe or Santa Clause. By Mark Schwartz
ARTICLE: Top 10 Ways to Know your Church is Up-to-Date for Y2K - #11-Pastor Cancels subscription to Guideposts and orders Soldier of Fortune instead. By Randall F. West
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Our readers respond responsibly. Or not.
ARTICLE: Alternative WWJD Bracelets - Give one to someone you once loved this Christmas. - By Ed L. Wier
ARTICLE: Not So Good News - Stuff so terrible, we couldn't have possibly made it up.
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION - Always has been; always will be.
THE LAST WORD: A peek into God's daytimer. By Ole Anthony
ARTICLE: Questions for the Devil - Some stumpers for old scratch. By the Door Staff
ARTICLE: Loser—An Invitation Only Prayer Breakfast - Um, pass the rationalizations, Tony. By Skippy R.
ARTICLE: Exegete: Baptist baseball and American fair play. - What we have here is a failure to communicate
BACK COVER: Antoniello da Messina's long-lost "Madonna and Child" - with Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky

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