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1971-74 (Issues 1-22)
1975-78 (23-46)
1979-82 (47-70)
1983-86 (71-94)
1987-90 (95-115)
1991-94 (116-138)
1995-98 (139-161)
1999-present (162- )



1999-Present

 
#162 January/February 1999
Stan Mack's...TORAH TOONS

ARTICLE: Final Exam: Kingsway Bile College, Bachelor of Televangelism. - Have you ever been to Germany? By Peter Smith
INTERVIEW: Stan Mack - Oy vey! A sketchy history of the Jews for Goys. By Becky Garrison
CARTOON: "Gingerbread Woman" by Mueller, "Can we die now?" by Mueller, Jesus Birthday by Miller
INTERVIEW: Anton Szandor LaVey - A descent into hell reveals a rather hum-drum Satanist. By Becky Garrison
INTERVIEW: Miroslav Volf - To forgive is more than divine, it is mandated. By Becky Garrison
CARTOON: Mixed Blessings by Paul Merklein, Self Sacrificial Lamb by Mueller, "Channel Selector" by Toos
ARTICLE: Miracles in Chillicothe, Part 1 - Whenever four Baptists are gathered together...there's always a Fifth. By Robert Flynn
ARTICLE: Would You Like Fires With That? - Be very afraid if you're ever asked if you want to "super-size" your Communion. By Tim Ayers
ARTICLE: The Door Takes a Spin Around Jerusalem - If Clinton had had this guy, Monica would still be his intern. By Tim Ayers
ARTICLE: Excerpt from the The Suits and Marketers Bible, Proverbs - Do "Suitable Helpers" wear Abercrombie & Fitch? By Wendy Chatley Green
ARTICLE: Liturgy...Or Not? - Truth is stranger than fiction redux. By Randall F. West
ARTICLE: Biblical Pigs and the Undoing of Jesus Christ - Making pork bellies out of a sow's ear. By Mike Havancsek
ARTICLE: How to Know Your Pastor's on Viagra - Wherein the secret origins of the hum "Rise Up, O Men of God" are revealed. By James W. Miller
ARTICLE: Step Right Up for Vatican III - And you thought Vatican II was a revelation! By John O'Meara
ARTICLE: Dead Raising - More questions from the good doctor. By Dr. B. Wilson
ARTICLE: Noah's Wife and Active Listening — Can Dr. Laura save this marriage? By Brad Phillips
ARTICLE: Reverend Retentive — Gigi ponders the merits of studying the Koran vs. Learning how to make falafel. By Matthew Polly
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR — E-Mails and snail-mails abused equally. By Doug Duncan
CORRECTIONS/CLARIFICATIONS — Um we're really, really sorry this time.
ARTICLE: Not So Good News - We'd have to be crazy to make this stuff up! By Brian Kelcher
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION - Real-life gleanings from across the fruited plain from some plain fruits.
THE LAST WORD - Reconstruction Christians, Dominion Theology and other silliness. By Ole Anthony and Skippy R.
LOSER: Gary North - Is it Christian to freak out of Y2K? by Skippy R.
EXEGETE: Israelite Obesity in the Period of Solomon's Monarchy - When specially abled people of weight ruled. By Helmer, Campbell, Henderson, and Banner


#163 March/April 1999
Warhol's Soup for the Soul

ARTICLE: Januarye Daggert Dillinberger — The secret spiritual life of Andy Warhol. Really. By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Luke Johnson — Noogies to the Jesus Seminar! By Becky Garrison
INTERTIEW: Michael Horton — This interview was predestined to be a success. By Jamie Lee Rake
ARTICLE: Prayer of St. Gore of Tennessee — Tipper-canoe and Steve Tyler too! By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Miracles in Chillicothe, Part 2 — Mixed bathing is OK in Chillicothe; just not mixed swimming. By Robert Flynn
LOSER OF THE YEAR: Mormons by the niney-load—and more! By Skippy R.
ARTICLE: Democrats in the Hands of an Angry God — No hard feelings, you godless infidels. By Kathy Harris-Zmudka
ARTICLE: Reverend Retentive — Why Y2K bugs us. By Matthew Polly
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Speak, and having spoken, our readers (and former readers move on. By Doug Duncan
ARTICLE: Are You a Closet Catholic? -- If so we beg your indulgence. By Merrick Dunn
ARTICLE: Not So Good News — Presented in a not-so-bad package. Compiled by Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: The Lincoln Seminar — Historic noogies to the Jesus Seminar! By Doug Duncan
ARTICLE: Truth is stranger than Fiction — Compiled by Brian Kelcher
LAST WORD: Why cats will be in heaven (and you probably won't) by Ole Anthony
THE EXEGETE: Joe Bob "The Exegete" Briggs — A personal message for Deion Sanders and the God Squad
ARTICLE: Hey Kids! Fun Christian Products by Mail — Appall former friends! Haunt new ones! By Tim Ayers
ARTICLE: Overheard During a Christian Music Concert — Amy grant us wisdom during these difficult times. By Todd Hafer
ARTICLE: Condensed Gospel — (Reprinted from Door #53) Short. Sweet. Funny. By Al Austin
ARTICLE: Spiritual Health Maintenance Organizations — First rule: do no harm to the schmo taking communion. By Paul Somerville
CARTOONS: "...unspoken requests", Mixed Blessings by Merklein "I play the harp...." And "...the defendant is Satan"
CARTOONS: "...Pastor Timmy's sermon in trouble?", "...bring your own water baptismal" by Hawkins and 'Church during the Y2K bug` by Ross


#164 May/June 1999
The Springfield Blessing — The Theology of Homer Simpson

ARTICLE: Excerpts from The New Millennium Dictionary of Theology — Definition of "Unoriginal sin"—plagiarism. By Randall F. West
ARTICLE: The Springfield Blessing — Something that's really worth laughing about. By Robert Darden
INTERVIEW: The Door Interview—Harry Shearer — The voice behind the opaque paint. By Becky Garrison
INTERVEIW: The Door Interview—Nancy Ammerman -- Hashin' it out with the harbingers of the Apocalypse. By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Baby Boomers Bible Quiz — What do you think of when we say "Jeremiah"? by Eric Metaxas
ARTICLE: Chillicothe, Part III — Why Baptists are the way they are—and why they're banned form most biker bars.
ARTICLE: The Birthing Room — Is the guy who invented Lamaze really the Antichrist? By Brad Louis
ARTICLE: The Chi-Files — The truth is out there—and the Hair Club for Men is the answer. By Robert Darden
ARTICLE: The new, revised, updated, contemporary...Seven Deadly Sins — Alas, hogging the remote channel changer ain't one of them. By Jim Schmotzer
ARTICLE: Americans With Religious Disabilities Act Protects Rights, Jobs of Spiritually Challenged Clergy — Justification by Legalese. By Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: Meister Gottlieben Puck: The Teutonic Theosopher — At last! The long-lost origins of the immortal Die Pucktheosophie Dogmatik. By Wayne Kraus
ARTICLE: Top 10 Ways the Amish Party like It's 1699 — Tell it to the hand, 'cause the beard ain't listenin'. By John McLean and Dan Arnold
ARTICLE: What would Jesus do 101 — The absolutely final "What would Jesus Do" article. By Shane Matsumoto
ARTICLE: One Too Many Deep Spiritual Thoughts — Good question: What would happen if World Vision merged with Pearle Vision? By Randall F. West
ARTICLE: Jerry Falwell Exposes Himself — Horrors! There's sin. Right here in Lynchburg city! By John Green
ARTICLE: The Authorized Amway Bible — The Amway, the Truth, and the Light. (Just $29.95) by Bill Bunn
ARTICLE: Dear God — But hey! Don't go away mad! Signed, Dan and Pat. by Steve Hines
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: compiled by Doug Duncan
ARTICLE: Religions we hope we don't see in 2001 — Join the Joe-piscopals! Be the first (and last) on your block! Gleanings from the Internet
ARTICLE: What I Learned in Seminary — One important distinction to make: parousia and arousal and para-sailing.
ARTICLE: The Sweet-Spirited Bible — Out with the Old! By Tim Ayers
EXEGETE: Woe to those who snub this weighty issue. By Steve Blow
LAST WORD: Size Matters — Searching for the Holy Grail. By Ole Anthony and Skippy R.
ARTICLE: Not So Good News. Compiled by Brian Kelcher
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: Compiled by Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: Scout's Honor — Even Unitarians draw the line at this many "Thou shalt knots" by Paul Somerville
LOSER: Ted Turner — TCB with the man behind WTBS and TNT. By Skippy R.
CARTOON: "I'll start my own cult...." By Mueller; "Fred was always taking his church out for a spin"; 'Compartmentalization the box set' by Mueller; Father Muhaley by Irwin; 'Guilt' by Mueller; "I'll have the pork surprise" by Mueller; "...AstroGod with your own kingdom in space...." By Mueller


#165 July/August 1999
XENA: Warrior Theologian of the Year

ARTICLE: Holy Books That Barely Escaped Canonization — The Apocrypha's apocrypha. By Ronald D. Lankford Jr. and Scott Work
ARTICLE: Theologian of the Year: Xena: Warrior Princess — Evangelism's golden age is recalled. By Robert Darden
ARTICLE: Bill Bytes Computer Game Reviews — Don't miss Spong Pong! By Rob Peebles
INTERVIEW: Lewis Black — How come no Christian comics are this funny? -- by Becky Garrison
INTERVIEW: Mark Potok — How come so many Milton groups have the word "Christian" in their name? By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: John Grisham, Sanctified — Master, what must a lawyer do to be saved? By Erik Johnson
CARTOON: Faxable Toon Page — You've got our permission to fax this page to former friends and current enemies everywhere!
ARTICLE: Preyin' Paul's Politically Correct Toy Catalog — And you thought the Furbies were hard to find! By H. Turnip Smith
ARTICLE: 20 Church Slogans We'll Never See — Well, not in this lifetime, anyway. By Randall F. West
ARTICLE: Channeling The Apostles — Courtesy of Grandmaster Stig's potent brewed vinegar. By Ed L. Wier
ARTICLE: "O God Our Help with Y2K" — Ah, nothing beats the great old hymns. By John J. Bulten
ARTICLE: North Dallas Church on the Rock's Y2K Calendar — But will they see their shadows on Groundhog's Day?
TOP 10 LIST: Top 10 Rejected Denominational Slogans -- #11 "Have it Yahweh" by Ed L. Wier
ARTICLE: How to Dismiss Any Argument — It's the simplicity, stupid. By James Akin and Steven D. Greydanus
ARTICLE: The Widow's Offering — Zig zags his way through this old war-horse. By Kevin Brown
ARTICLE: The Boise Summer School of Theology and Culinary Institute — Rocky Mountain Hi Fi and Low Cal. By Randall F. West
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Compiled by Doug Duncan
CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS: Compiled by Brian Kelcher
TOP 10 LIST: Top 10 Signs You Might be Moving Towards a New Age Mentality — It's crystal clear to us! By Ed L. Wier
ARTICLE: How Do We Know God is a Man? — How do we know She isn't? by Dawn Abraham
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Compiled by Brian Kelcher
TRUGH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: Compiled by Brian Kelcher
EXEGETE: Backward Christian Soldiers — Pick a key, any key. By C. McNair Wilson
THE LAST WORD: What's Mine is Yours — Discovering the real citizens of Sodom. By Ole Anthony and Skippy R.
LOSER: Rupert Murdoch — Who is the bigger fool? The fool? Or the fool who sues the fool?
ARTICLE: Do You Have a Rapture Lawyer? — When was the last time you saw a lawyer rapturous? By Robert Flynn
CARTOONS: "Early Success in the church Growth Movement" by Norris, "No Fault Religion" by Mueller, "Man returns from the Office", "What would Jesus do" by Norris, "What I really wanted was a cup of Coffee", "cure my impotence" by Cooney


#166 September/October 1999
Attack of the Evangelical Horror Movies

ARTICLE: Evangelical Horror Movies — These babies make The Blair Witch Project look like the Muppets from Space By Michelle Bobier
INTERVIEW: Victoria Jackson--Victoria's secret: She's a Christian! By Becky Garrison
INTERVIEW: Don Lattin — Church shopping in the new millennium. By John Carney
INTERVIEW: Nick Cage — Extra! Extra! Read all about The Tabloid Bible! By John Carney
ARTICLE: Diaspora, Holocaust and Ethnic Cleansing: Toward a New Vision of Funny — Citations from the monograph of Jean-Marc-Luc-Picard Borg: The Hermeneutics of Flatulence in the Oral Tradition of the Albanian Artisan Class ca. 1940-47.
ARTICLE: The Church of Di-Entology — I would Di 4 U. Bye Matt Sullivan
ARTICLE: Just Prayer — Lord, we just so much just want to commend this writer—just to You. by Ed L. Wier
ARTICLE: Top 10 New Christian Computer Viruses — You'll never turn on your computer again! By Shane Matsumoto
ARTICLE: Christian Fortune Cookies — You will soon meet a tall, handsome Mormon knocking on your door. By Todd Outcalt
ARTICLE: Top Ten Feng Shui Rules for Progressive Churches — Feng Shui, a Chinese philosophy that claims serenity can be obtained by careful placement of household furniture. By Todd Outcalt
ARTICLE: What if the Corinthians Answered Paul's Letters? — (Originally appeared in December 1985/January 1986 #88) Take our advice: go to a qualified ophthalmologist about that problem you're always complaining about. By Bob Hensler
ARTICLE: Annual Denominational Survey, national Association of Holiness Nazarenes — we really didn't mean the confidentiality thing. By Jerry Robbins
ARTICLE: Calendar of Saints — Deleted: any martyred saint whose death, if dramatized on American television, would receive an advisory warning of "TV 14" or higher, owing to offensive and graphic violence.
ARTICLE: Ask Pastor Happy — Not tithing on your gross income is just plain gross. By John Green
ARTICLE: The Palestine Times Best Seller List — we particularly recommend St. Stephen's Everybody must get stoned. By Ronald D. Lankford, Jr.
ARTICLE: Environmentalist Bible — How the furbish lousewort attained a state of grace. By Paul Somerville LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Compiled by Doug Duncan
CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS: Compiled by Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: Ten Politically Correct Commandments for the Year 2000 — How Moses got his nickname: Knuckles. By Robert M. Price
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Compiled by Brian Kelcher
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: Compiled by Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: A Christian's Primer on how to Survive Halloween — Rule #11: Don't eat communion wafers laced with strychnine. By Matthew Porte
THE LAST WORD: by Ole Anthony and Skippy R.
LOSER OF THE MONTH: Pat Robertson — Shout it from the housetops! By Skippy R.
CARTOONS: "Signs and Wonders" by Judd; "...suffered from periodic Jesus Movement flashbacks.." by Sisson; Pat Roberston's Dog by Mueller; "..Charles Stanley preaching cruise" by Judd; Promise Keepers by Judd; "They will know we are Christians by our accessories"
CARTOON: Culture Jet Lag — "The Prince and the Princess—a commemorative collector plate
CARTOON: Cultural Jet Lag — "Nouveau Divination"


#167 November/December 1999
Meeza the Anti-Christ?

ARTICLE: "Are You the Antichrist" The results of our fab new quiz are in! by Bob Darden
ARTICLE: 'Benny Hinn Sues the Door- But we turn it into a special opportunity for Door subscribers!
INTERVIEW: Wavy Gravy — Dissolving the line between stage and audience and reality by Bob Gersztyn
INTERVIEW: Dr. Paul Boyer — Premillennially dispensing with the The Late Great Planet Earth by Glenn Berg-Moberg
CARTOONS: Happy Holidays from the Door "I'm sorry Mary, your medical coverage doesn't cover pre-existing conditions..." , "Hello, Police?! This is the Star of Bethlehem... I think I'm being followed by these three guys! It's really freakin' me out! by Jim, "Well, blow me down! For a young Benny Hinn, it was defining moment of his life."
ARTICLE: WwjDOS 2000, The Christian Operating System — You converted the couple down the street. You converted 20 sinners at your last tent revival. Isn't it time you converted your computer? By Ada M. Brown
ARTICLE: We Vishnu — A Hari Krishna — Guatama we bring to you and I Ching by John J Bulten.
ARTICLE: Dumb Shelter — Protect your family from dangerously high levels of Y2K stupidity by Skippy R.
ARTICLE: Making your Rapture Y2K Compliant: Are you Ready? — More importantly are you submissive? By Nicholas Cravotta
ARTICLE: The Ultimate Hanukkah Album: A Door Review — "Rainy days and High Holy Days Always Bring Me Down" by Mark Levitt
ARTICLE: The Ten Commandments, Re-Written for Gen-Xers — Don't cheat on your wife or husband unless they don't understand or can't validate or meet your needs. By Ed L. Wier
ARTICLE: Deep Spiritual Thoughts: The Series — Will The Church on the Way ever arrive? By Randall E. West
ARTICLE: Rapture Preparedness — In case of rapture, please feed our cats. By John Green
CARTOON: Merry Christmas from the Door! "Don't tell him I make land mines in the off season by Mueller, "Wow, déjà vu." By Toos, "It's a useless piece of crap, Andy. I thought you kids went in for that sort of thing." By Mueller , Victoria responds.
ARTICLE: The Most Common First Sentences Spoken in the After-Life — Just in case you want to practice ahead of time... by Butch D'mbrosio
ARTICLE: O'Hara Named Hunger Head — Fiddle de dee, indeed! By Paul Summerville
ARTICLE: Witness Wipes — Meeting people at their point of need by John Green
ARTICLE: Top 10 Names for Benny Hinn's Hairdo — All hail the Scalp Ferret! By George Beaverson
ARTICLE: The Dental Miracle March — Let all the gap-tooth maids and the goalies come by Randall F. West.
ARTICLE: The Top Seven Things to do With Benny Hinn's Church After He's Moved - #6 Raze it and build a hospital — you know, a place where people really get healed. By Matthew Porter
ARTICLE: The Perfect Christian Job — What joy would be mine, if only I had a Christian job! By Georgia Beaverson
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Compiled and annotated by Doug Duncan
CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS: Noticed and noted by Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: Gleanings from the Internet: Matzos and Mistletoe "O Come All Ye Faithful"
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Compiled and anointed by Brian Kelcher
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: Compiled by Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: Gleanings from the Internet: Buddist Carols — "Here Comes Lama Tsoh, Here Comes Lama Tsoh, Right Down Lama Tsoh Lane."
THE LAST WORD: by Ole Anthony and Skippy R.
LOSER: Nostradoormouse — In the year 2525 by Skippy R.


#168 January/February 2000
We Got Kinky: Interview With a Texas Jewboy

ARTICLE: January's Walk on the Wild Side — Here's Looking at You, Kid. By Mark Rasmussen
INTERVIEW: Kinky Freeman — They ain't makin' Jews like Jesus no more. By Doug Duncan
INTERVIEW; John Hockenberry — Freewheelin' with John. By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: A Saint By Any Other Name is Still a Jew — If it looks like a duck ... by Thomas Shane
ARTICLE: Pastor Happy Answers Your Post Y2K Questions — Our absolutely LAST Y2K article. By John Green
ARTICLE: Top 10 Reasons There are No French Baptist Revivals — Worst wine and pastry they have ever tasted. By Ed L. Wier
ARTICLE: Biblical Personal Ads — If they only knew then, what we know now. By David Susman
ARTICLE: Vows of Cohabitation — So help me, me! By Daniel Murphy
ARTICLE: Name Change Denied by Feed the Children — Well, after all, they didn't specify WHICH children. By Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: Footprints — I hope you step on a jellyfish! By David Learn
ARTICLE: The Starfish — When life's a beach. By David Learn and David McCandless
ARTICLE: The Touch of the Master's Hand — It was worth a try. By David Learn
ARTICLE: The Chi Files: The Truth Be Known — The return of Sullia and Mull-dar. By Alvin Speegle, Jr.
ARTICLE: Teleworshiping: Rome Oversees Catholic E-Church — Watch as He conquers hi def and rises from the dead! By Nicholas Cravotta
ARTICLE: Mix 'n' Match — Design Your Own Cult Kit — Achieve godhead, get your own planet, marry a nice girl or two from BYU and have a jazillion kids (not necessarily in that order). By Randall F. West
ARTICLE: The anointing of Pig's Ear — A Man, a Plan, a Band — Panama! By Pete Court
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Compiled and annotated by Doug Duncan
CARTOONS: Faxable Toon Page "When worlds collide." By Rex Rubenzor "To the great relief of Al the parents in Israel, the Prophet Elisha is finally fitted with a new camel's hairpiece." By Allen "Church History for Post Modern Collegians" by J.B. Lightfoot "The Wolvertoon" by Monte Wolverton" "Purgarory's Angels" by Jeff Swenson
ARTICLE: Not So Good News — Compiled and anointed by Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: Compiled by Brian Kelcher
THE LAST WORD: The Anointing — Now you see it, now you don't. by Ole Anthony
ARTICLE: A Prayer to Our Lady of Whitewater — Our Lady, full of ... by Danny Murphy
ARTICLE: Chicken Soup for the Damned Soul — Calm down, it's only hell. By Ben Scott
LOSER: Assault on Mount Sinai! — The Pope poops out. By Skippy R.
CARTOON: " Your hair must be this tall to ride this ride" by Monte Wolverton


#169 March/April 2000
We Want You! Cults on Campus

INTERVIEW: Chris Lee — New wrinkles on an old and dangerous cult by Becky Garrison
INTERVIEW: Madeleine L'Engle — A Wrinkle in Time saves nine by Becky Garrison
INTERVIEW: Mike Yaconelli — Just plain wrinkled by Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Clouds of Joy — If it looks like a duck... by Ed Wier
ARTICLE: Thirteen Reasons to be Worried About Your Church — their communion service features the question, "Would you like fries with that?" by Craig Mosher
ARTICLE: The Single Guy's Guide to Entertaining Angels — What else is a former "sensitive-90's kind-of-guy" to do? By Peter Court
ARTICLE: Newly Formed Churches — Bill Gates' Memorial Greek Orthodox by John Green
ARTICLE: Revitamax — Do you suffer from the heartbreak of P.B. (Premature Benediction)? By John Green
ARTICLE: What If The Lord's Prayer Had Been Written by Various Christian Denominations? — Our Non-Gender Specific Primary Diety, Who art in heaven... by Shane Matsumoto
ARTICLE: The Spirituality of Foraging — Finding the faithful foraging remnant. By Dr. Hunter Gaither
ARTICLE: Landon's Inferno — Who'll be the first to bail your favorite Pax-TV star out of hell? By Michael Landon as dictated in an interfaith seance
ARTICLE: Nine Most Popular Redneck Bible Stories — Featuring the Parable of the Willing Sheep
ARTICLE: Flopsy Bunny and the Easter Miracle — Why most Christian movies are very, very bad by Christopher Garrett
ARTICLE: Shows for the Paxnet's Upcoming Spring Season — Don't miss the thrilling return
of Elton John as Satan's handmaid!
CARTOON: Beyond Belief — Someone's Silent now, Kumbayah. No More Verses Now, Kumbayah by R. Judd
CARTOON: Beyond Belief — Second Verse ...Doubters only ... If You're Saved and You Know it Think Again...by R Judd
ARTICLE: The Omega Code Deciphered And A Review of Five Learned from Watching The Omega Code — Why the prophets of the Apocalypse look suspiciously like Siegfried and Roy by Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: White Watch — The Complete Christian Identity Guide to Safe Television Viewing by Becky Garrison
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Compiled and defiled by Doug Duncan
CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS By Brian Kelcher
ARTICLE: Gnostic Guy's New Revised Standard Version Billboards - Jerry who — God by D. Ed Williams
THE LAST WORD: Pokemon and the Golem by Ole Anthony and Skippy R.
CARTOONS: Faxable Toon Page "They don't want you to heal the ones on crutches. They're afraid it might lead to dancing." By R. Judd, " Honey, Someone left a burning ankh on our lawn. It's those damn Egyptians again! " By Jeff Swenson" Margaret, are we saved from eternal damnation by the saving power of Jesus' blood, or not?" By Glenn " Buffy joins the Christian Coalition, Ha! Got me another Democrat! " By Jeff Swenson " St. Paul's first draft. Dear Romans, How are you? I don't really have much to say, Just behave yourselves and have faith in God. Love from Paul. P.S. Say hello to Priscilla and Aquilla..." by Glenn
ARTICLE: Denominations Deal with Viagra Side-effects — "Rise Up, Rise Up, O Men of God" by Paul Somerville
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: Compiled by Brian Kelcher
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Compiled by Brian Kelcher
LOSER: - Bono, the Pope, and The Door — and a whole lot more by Skippy R.


#170 May/June 2000
The Gospel According to Dilbert

INTERVIEW: An Interview with Dilbert Creator: Scott Adams by Becky Garrison
INTERVIEW: "Thoughtful Evangelical" — A Phillip Yancey Interview by Doug Duncan
ARTICLE: " The Pensacola Blessing: Finding a Porpoise in Life " by John Green
ARTICLE: Christian Urban Legends: "It's True, I Swear To God!"
ARTICLE: "The Bible Crossword Puzzle" by L.M. Hagar
FEATURE: " Bumper Stickers for Those On An Alternate Journey" by Pete Court
FEATURE: "Early Warning Signs Your Religion Has Sold Out!" by Butch D'Ambroso
ARTICLE: "The Lord's Tennis Ball" by Chris Williams
ARTICLE: "The Dichotomy of Christianity — Not!" by Sam Barry
ARTICLE: "Death is a Journey — An Excerpt from Chicken Soup for the Damned Soul" by Ben Scott
ARTICLE: "The Memo From Heaven to Hell on the Unexcommunication of Galileo " Translated from the Latin by Nicholas Cravotta
ARTICLE: Other Denominations Follow Baptists in Calling For "Gracious Submission" by Paul Sommerville
ARTICLE: "Jewish Country & Western Songs by Ed Wier and Doug Duncan
ARTICLE: " Early Warning Signs You're Probably Going to End Up in Hell" by Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: "Christian Ministry or Televangelism? " A Seminarian Guide to the Toughest Career Path Decision by Paul Somerville
CARTOON: "And today, I'd like to preach a two minute sermon on selling God short."by Johnny Hawkins
CARTOON: "It was paradise, before you showed up." By Glenn Meyer
ARTICLE: " Epistles from Chillicothe" by R.J. Flynn
FEATURE: " More Biblical Personal Ads" by David Susman
CARTOON: "Roadkills in Heaven" by Cooney
ARTICLE: " AtheisticPrimer" - Isaac Newton beat his wife, so gravity doesn't exist by Doug Fattig
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: compiled and composted by Doug Duncan
CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS by Brian Kelcher
CARTOON: " They don't want you to heal the ones on crutches. They're afraid it might lead to dancing." By R. Judd
CARTOON: "Pastor Rugley tries a different approach to preaching Lamentations." By Johnny Hawkins
CARTOON: ...and now I want you to meet the all powerful second person of the Trinity, through which the whole universe was created, who shall sit at the right hand of God..." by Glenn
CARTOON: "The parable of the lost things...
CARTOON: "Mid Term Scores" by Cannon
THE LAST WORD: "Careful What You Pray For" by Ole Anthony with Skippy R.
ARTICLE: "Now There's Tamagoddy" A Virtual God by Pete Court
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: compiled and comingled by Brian Kelcher
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: compiled and dogpiled by Brian Kelcher
LOSER: "The Gospel According to Dilbert" by Robert Darden
THE DOOR STORE ANNEX
FEATURE: Deconstructionist Bible Study by Roberts/Siergey


#171 July/August 2000
That 60's Issue

INTERVIEW: Hot Tuna by Bob Gersztyn
INTERVIEW: Examining Stan Freberg by Jamie Lee Rake
INTERVIEW: The Door Interview with Os Guinness by Arsenio Orteza
ARTICLE: Bob Larson Ministries Emergency Updates 2000 by John Green
ARTICLE: Piety For Fun & Votes by Ben Johnson
ARTICLE: Gene-Spliced Religions by Pete Court
FEATURE: Top Moves and Holds of the Wreligious Wrestling Federation By Ed Wier
ARTICLE: At Least It's a Dry Heat by Ben Scott
ARTICLE: Sectarian Arms Race Feared In Wake of Question: Do Southern Baptist Have The Bomb? By Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: Joyce Meyer Rocks My World by Kathy Shaidle
FEATURE: Proposed Sequence of Hal Lindsey Apocalyptic Bestsellers by Ed Wier
FEATURE: Taliban TV Guide by Kathy Harris-Zmudka
FEATURE: What Would Jesus' Teddy Bear Do? By Judith Hugg
FEATURE: Religion for Dummies by Cos McCowboy
ARTICLE: Miracles in Chillicothe by R.J. Flynn
FEATURE: Prayin' La Vida Buddha by Becky Garrison
FEATURE: Who Wants To Be A Disciple by Todd Outcalt
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: compiled and composed by Doug Duncan
THE LAST WORD: God's Ghostwriter by Ole Anthony with Skippy R.
CARTOONS: Faxable Toon Page "Holyish Bible: Liberal Translation" by Matt "Y'Know Harry, For a Christian You're Kind of a Smart Aleck" by Sisson "Jesus Walked on thee water a little to far from the boat" by Jeff Swenson "Jehovah's half-wit ness" By Matt "I've been looking for a church like yours- I'm heavily into sin and have absolutely no desire to change" By Sisson
TRUTH IS STRANGER: compiled by Brian Kelcher
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: compiled by Brian Kelcher
LOSER: People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals by Robert Darden
CARTOONS: "Act like you make a difference" by Mueller "Today's special Veggie Tales characters" By Matt


#172 September/October,2000
Artificial Intelligence, An ALle GOREy

INTERVIEW: Ship-of-Fools.Com, Simon Jenkins - Holy heterodoxy Batman by Becky Garrison
INTERVIEW: Landover Baptist.Org, Chris Harper - Born-Again Nazis to Administer Church Labor Camps! By John Carney
FEATURE: How the Book of Ecclesiastes Might Have Been Different If the Preacher Had Been More Sectarian - For everything there is a season - except dancing by Paul Somerville
INTERVIEW: Operation Rescue National, Rev. Flip Benham - "We're barnyard animals, after all it's warm, we have to copulate."
FEATURE: Deep Spiritual Thoughts - Still wondering at what point TV ministry turns into a business by Randall West
FEATURE: Specialty Bibles You Won't Find at Family Bookstores - Featuring the Crusty Set in My Ways and Don't You Dare Try to Change Me Bible by Randall West
ARTICLE: You Can Kick the Money Changers Outta the Temple but... - When Catholics Die: Eternal Life or Eternal Damnation? You Decide by Kathy Shaidle
FEATURE: Proficiency Test for Religious Lightweights - Do you really think Jeremiah was a bullfrog? By Barbara Astor
ARTICLE: Supreme Court to Decide if Football Games Should be Allowed Inside Churches - They not only broke the wall between church and state, they also busted a window! By Tim Casady
ARTICLE: Prayer Will Survive; Let's Give Thanks - And by the way, we're going to be praying to Ahura Mazda by Steve Blow
FEATURE: The Piscean Creed - What happens when Venus graces your vocational sector? By Pete Court
FEATURE: Top Shortest Christian Books of the Year - Including Sexual Positions by the Baptist Missionary Society by Ed Wier
ARTICLE: Miracles from Chillicothe - Guard your purse, there are Methodists in the house by Robert Flynn
FEATURE: Fatboy Slip and Fratboy Stuff - A remake tone terribly, terribly wrong by Skippy R.
CARTOON: Pastor Hank Heals 'Em" - Author of the Best Selling "Tell it Where to Go"
FEATURE: Ten Things To Really Like About Christian TV - Two words: Eye Shadow! By Kyle Minor
FEATURE: You Might Be a Crouch If...- There's a hole in the ozone layer above your dressing room by Monica Welcher
FEATURE: Real Stupid Church Signs - Brought to you by the original cotton-pickin' Pentecostals
CARTOONS: "You hold it this way", "The combover from hell", "Popemon"
FEATURE: Letter From a Friend of Bill: I Absolve Me - A letter to Bill Clinton about where to put his hands by Skippy R.
FEATURE: Ten Explanations of the "700" in The 700 Club - Highest S.A.T. score of entire staff by John McLean
CARTOONS: "Benny Hinn wanders into the flight path", "House of Judeo-Christian values - beware of God"
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR - Dinks and winks by Doug Duncan
CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS: Booboos from the you-know-whos by Brian Kelcher
FEATURE: Al Gore's Ten Commandments - Remember Election Day and vote Democratic by Becky Garrison
THE LAST WORD: The Age of Created Men by Ole Anthony and Skippy R.
FEATURE: If Psalm 23 Had Been Written by Ernest Hemmingway - It would be short. And Sweet. By Dennis E. Hensley
CARTOONS: "So which one of you is converting?" "The cheap jewelry, the Amy Grant CD's, the forced smile...yep, she downloaded 'The Jesus Loves Me virus'"
TRUTH IS STRANGER: Tid bits and nit-wits
NOT-SO-GOOD-NEWS: Bon mots from Bono and Mott the Hoople by Brian Kelcher
LOSER: The Allegory of AL Gore - If you didn't complain we were unfairly sectarian THEN, you can't squawk NOW by Robert Darden


#173 November/December, 2000
Brother Bob Tilton - The Grinch Who Stole Christman

INTERVIEW: An Interview with The Grinch Who Stole Christmas - Robert Tilton. By Doug Duncan
INTERVIEW: Ann Rowe Seaman, author of Jimmy Swaggart's Biography - Hillary is to Bill as Frances is to Jimmy. By Doug Duncan
ARTICLE: "The Forgive or Forget Not Show" - The televangelist and the game show. By Alvin Spaegle, Jr.
ARTICLE: "Yes! You Too Can Feng Shui - Fang Shui...a rather expensive and sometimes painful variation of Feng Shui that deems your spiritual well being is determined by the alignment of your teeth.
FEATURE: Helpful Christian Check-out Line Pamphlets - "Help, I've got a crush on my pastor!" By Ed Wier
CARTOONS: "I'm sorry Mary, your medical insurance doesn't cover pre-existing conditions... by Giff"Trust me, I'm here" "I don't believe in anything I can't see." By Johnny Hawkins
FEATURE: Religious Air - featuring "Something Kosher in the Air" by Matthew Porter
ARTICLE: Miracles from Chillicothe - The Baptist church in Chillecothe needs a secretary. Bad. By Robert Flynn
ARTICLE: "The Chairman's Corner" From This Year's "Hell's Annual Report to Stake Holders" From Lord Lucifer, CEO and Chairman of Hell, Inc. (A Division of the Phillip-Morris Company). By Nicholas Cravotta
FEATURE: Sent Mail - Message Composition - the wisdom of cyber
FEATURE: Fratres Millitiae Christi - The brothers of the sword begins its 25th season of outreach activities in the Northeastern Baltic region. By Michael C. Paul
CARTOONS: Herschel and John by Patterson
ARTICLE: Walker Railey Bailey Looks for His Lost Seeds of Faith - How Walker Railey Bailey got his kitty bidness back. By Brad Bailey (reprint)
CARTOONS: "Santa Clops" by Mueller , "The Reverend Montoya owed his success as a televangelist to the blending of divine revelation and plausible deniability ."
ARTICLE: What Would Jesus Drink? - We ain't jivin you - it'd be java! By Christopher Young
FEATURE: The Bones of St. James the Lesser - You want sacred Christian relics? We GOT your sacred Christian relics right here! By Greg Horton
FEATURE: Former Hinn Devotee Files Harassment Lawsuit Against Televangelist - I ain't been to Bible school, and my name ain't Charles Stanley, but, honey, this cowgirl knows when things have crossed the line."
FEATURE: 10 Reasons Harry Potter Books Should be Banned or Burned or Both - #7 They promote a lack of respect towards evil teachers. By Vanetta Chapman
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Noted and bloated by Doug Duncan
CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS: Errors and other terrors by Brian Kelcher
CARTOONS: "Let's see, as a publisher of several editions of the Bible, you owe Him royalties." By Volko "Does Santa explode or anything?" by Mueller
THE LAST WORD: Why We Need Robert Tilton by Ole Anthony with Skippy R.
CARTOONS: "Tony had some reservations concerning the new guy"
TRUTH IS STRANGER: Truth you can looth by Brian Kelcher
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: News you can lose by Brian Kelcher
LOSER: Things Go Better With Kwanzaa by Skippy R.


#174 January/February, 2001
Heaven & Mirth

INTERVIEW: An Interview with Mike Thaler - "Bible Stories to Tickle Your Soul" by Marla Pierson
INTERVIEW: An Interview with Walter Wangerin, Jr - "A meditation on the nature of storytelling and faith. By Glenn Berg-Moberg
FEATURE: Were You There When The Lord Was Crucified? - A Souvenir for the ages. By Blaine McCormick
FEATURE: Televangelist Job Screening Form - "Applicants with ethics, scruples, conscience, or any other debilitating conditions need not apply.
INTERVIEW: An Interview with Nancy Sehested - "A Meditation of faith and storytelling. By Katie Cook.
FEATURE: a Brief Southern Baptist Doctrine of Women - Submitted for your approval ... By George Haltzla
FEATURE; Announcing the New Christos Collection from the Franklin Mint - Sure to provide many years of enjoyment as you spend hours dusting around them. By Doug Fattig
ARTICLE: "Miracles from Chillicothe" - Brother Whatley feared that if he talked to the young people about sex, they would smirk when he read the story of Abraham sporting with his wife. By Robert Flynn
CARTOONS: "My name is Ralph. I'm a first time prayer.""You will both be punished for your disobedience! Eve, you will suffer great pain in childbirth. Adam, you will suffer even worse. One week each month Eve will have PMS."
ARTICLE: Excerpts from Satan's Diary - "Could stealing a walnut hurt God"? by Nicholas Cravotta
FEATURE: Really Fun Cult Games, Crafts and Activities - Why should the loonies have all the fun? By Randall West
FEATURE: Ten Ways to Get Rid of Jehovah's Witnesses - Put a sign around your dog which says "Beware of Human." By Timothy Kevin Perry
CARTOONS: "I've either exorcised the bed demons, or called up the Demonic Host, we won't know until tonight.""Churches in Crisis - Next 2700 Miles"
ARTICLE: Southern Baptists Vote to Amend Bible - Um, actually we mean to restore the Bible. By Kevin Kern
CARTOON: "I play the Bible on tape to little Joshua as he's going to sleep. I can't think of anything more lovely than the word of God being the last thing you hear before you drift off! Can you imagine the dreams he must have?"
ARTICLE: Crackpots and Earthen Vessels - How we screwed up - in chronological order. By Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: Patron Saints for Modern Times - Are three patron saints of candlemakers (Ambrose of Milan, Bernard of Clairvaux, Honorius of Amiens) too many? By Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: In Defense of the Amish - If the bearded guys are driving you buggy, read this. By Butch D'Ambrosia
ARTICLE: Proactivism : A New Paradigm for Religion - If eating one more piece of cake will kill you, don't bother. You're not doing me any favors! By Mark Levitt
ARTICLE: Dr. Peter Rockman Junior's Believer's Bombastic Bulletin - In defense of the Newly Inspired Version
FEATURE: Jews in the Village - Schlepping at the YMCA By Ed Wier
FEATURE: Generation -X Children's Letters to God - YO! God-dude! By Ed Wier
CARTOONS: "Moses sent spies into Canaan." "We're fishers of money - you'll need us."
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Diatribes from scribes. By Brian Kelcher
CORRECTIONS & CLARIFICATIONS: Mea culpa for our culpabilities. By Brian Kelcher
CARTOONS: Which Circle by Jeff Friend & Chris Huber
THE LAST WORD - We are the heretics - by Ole Anthony and Skippy R.
FEATURE: The Psalm - Father pinch their heads off; Loving Lord pinch their heads off. By Pete Court
CARTOON: "Well, I was a Southern Baptist until they came out with that resolution about pets obeying their owners...
TRUTH IS STRANGER AND NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Clippings and grease drippings from around the world compiles by Harry Guetzlaff
LOSER: The sorcery of words by Robert Darden


#175 March/April , 2001
The Start of Something Big

INTERVIEW: Mickey Hart - Searching for the rhythm of life at Terrapin Station by Bob Gersztyn
INTERVIEW: Sherman Alexie - Cinematic reflections on Guilt Squared
CARTOONS: Which Circle, Part II - Wacky dots are bad. By Jeff Friend and Chris Huber
INTERVIEW: Diedre Good - Reclaiming the power of meekness by Becky Garrison
CARTOON: Beef stock, Chicken Stock, Good Lutheran Stock. By Jim
FEATURE: Humilityfest 2001 - Cancelled due to a basic spiritual anomaly by Pete Court
ARTICLE: The Start of Something Big: Reflections on Steve Allen - To believe greatly , it is necessary to have doubted greatly. By Becky Garrison
FEATURE: Bob Larson Ministries Udpate! - Monica is succumbus! By John Green
ARTICLE: Left Behind, Series #37 - Turn your umbrellas inside out cause it's raining money! Woo hoo! By Ted Kluck
ARTICLE: Crackpots and Earthen Vessels: March/April - What were YOU doing on the night of April 6, 1968? By Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: IV-Q-2 Qumran Cave Fragments: New from Hog Nammadi - What happens when a fragment appears to be a 'drash. By Joel S. Heller
FEATURE: Televangelist's Quick Reference Guide to Problem Passages - You can have lots of money, you can make lots of money, you can spend lots of money on nice things for yourself. You just have to avoid loving it while you're doing it. By Doug Fattig
FEATURE: You Might be a Dispensationalist...if you've ever started a sentence with the statement "Well, Lindsey says." By Ethan Harris
FEATURE: Nine Reasons Why You Will Want to be a Bubba Ha'I - Sing along with us: "When you wish upon a star ..." by Randy West
ARTICLE: Pax TV's Big Brethren - Why should the godless secular networks have all of the bad reality-based programming? By Greg Horton
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Snappy comebacks and groveling mea culpas by Brian Kelcher
CORRECTIONS & CLARIFICATIONS: Groveling mea culpas only by Harry Guetslaff
CARTOONS: "Like everyone else, Maxwell wanted to know when the end of the world would be and one day he got his chance." "Wait a minute. If you don't have God's address, how do you get the collection plate money to him?"
FEATURE: Bush Beliefs - The Austin Apostle's Creed: a 'drash by Dubya. By Becky Garrison
THE LAST WORD: The Doctor is in by Ole Anthony and Skippy R.
FEATURE: New Folk Song of the Religious Right: "If I had the power, I'd censor all the music" by Ed L Wier
ARTICLE: Satan Captured by Texas Police - Where the devil went AFTER he went down to Georgia by Cos McCowboy
TRUTH IS STRANGER: Stranger than what? By Brian Kelcher
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: We couldn't make this stuff up even is we wanted to by Harry Guetzlaff and Door Staff
LOSER: The Gold Rush Phenomenon - He shoulda reached for the shopvac by Skippy R.


#176 July/August, 2001
We Ambush George

INTERVIEW: Clinton's Coonscience, Dr. Tony Campolo by Ole Anthony and Skippy R
INTERVIEW: Bush's Balance, Jim Wallis by Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: " The Revelation of Dubya" - Scarier than the one to the Seven Chruches of Asia by Becky Garrison
FEATURE: "Reasons for Joining the Unitarian Church" - Reason #1: There are no Unitarian martyrs by Ed L. Wier
FEATURE: "Clergy Visit Emergency Kit" - When it is important to impress the man in the black dress - by Ed. L. Wier
CARTOONS: "Roads were crossed. So what! By Mueller and "New Age Mothering" by Matt ARTICLE: "Saul and the Witch of Endor" - Witches may be able to read cards, but you're better off pleasing the dealer by Mike Thaler
FEATURE: "Top Reasons for Visiting the United Methodist Church" - Not many young, attractive women or men to disrupt spiritual concentration by Ed L. Wier
FEATURE: "If Psalm 23 Had Been Written" - We made camp at Sitka and shared seal blubber with our enemies, the Inuit by Dennis Hensley
ARTICLE: "Miracles from Chillicothe" - Haskel Gatewood pitched his tent, ready to save folks from sin, sickness, disease, doubt and Democrats by Bob Flynn
ARTICLE: " Crackpots and Earthen Vessels" - Remember: August is National Take a Martyr to Lunch month by Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: "Review of the Deluxe DVD Edition of the Bible" - Contains 45 minutes of outtakes not seen in the original by Bob Greenman
FEATURE: "Deep Spiritual Thoughts" - It may be a new century, but we're still pondering the old one. By Randall West
ARTICLE: "Holy Coke" - Bubbles of refreshing, bursting with blessing by Pete Court
FEATURE: "Urgent Recall Notice from the Southern Baptist Convention" - You are in extreme danger by Tamara J. Jaffee-Notier
CARTOONS: "Will pontificate for food" by RexRubenzer and "Mother of Televangelists" by BTW
ARTICLE: "The Kiss of the Spidery-Eyelash Woman" - Wherin Tammy Fay finds herself undergoing a sort of Nixonian rehabilitation: she's a star all over again! By Kathy Shaidle
CARTOONS: "We are overbooked, but I could put you on standby!" and "Pearly gates? No way, this is Heaven. Everything's made of chocolate". By Vojtko
FEATURE: "Focus on the Dysfunctional Family" - Remember none of this is your fault by Matthew Porter
ARTICLE: "Jesus Implicated in Elaborate Game-Fixing Operation" - He has influenced the outcome of most of the important college and professional games played in the United States. By Kevin Kern nd Kathren Brown
ARTICLE: "Who Wants to Marry a Poor Pastor?" - Featuring fifty unsuspecting Sunday School teachers wearing thongs by Todd Outcalt
ARTICLE: "Fund-raising Letter from Moody Bible Institute" - Let us "blow" an exciting missions opportunity your way! By David Ehmann
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Readin', writhin' and arithmetic. By Brian Kelcher and Skippy R.
CARTOONS: "Which Circle? #3 - Where's the shameless degradation of a lost and evil soul? By Jeff Friend and Chris Huber
LAST WORD: - Forget the Taliban, what about our own idols? By Ole Anthony and Skippy R.
FEATURE: "Gold Cross HMMO" - Thank you for using a provider within your network by Al Speegle
TRUTH IS STRANGER: ...and the truth shall set your brain to spinning out of control." By Brian Kelcher
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: - Not so bad news, either by The Door Staff
LOSER OF THE BI-MONTH - Dubya pleasure, Dubya fun by Robert Darden


#177 September/October, 2001
Daffy Dictoators

INTERVIEW: Fred Phelps - Billy Graham is the Antichrist? By Bob Gerzstyn
INTERVIEW: Kate Clinton - George W is the Antichrist? By Becky Garrison
CARTOONS: "Moses and his mother-in-law" by Rex Rubenzer and "Bummer" by Miller
INTERVIEW: Dave McPherson - C.I. Scofield is the Antichrist? By Doug Duncan
INTERVIEW: Ed Dobson/Cal Thomas - The media is the Antichrist by Doug Duncan
ARTICLE: Miracles from Chillicothe- The Hold Spirit does not always come with good taste by Robert Flynn
ARTICLE: Crackpots and Earthen Vessels - Try to remember, that time in September ... by Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: Religion and Sport on The Fox Faith Network - Recorded live in Feng Shea Stadium by Pete Court
ARTICLE: Memo from God - The Lord feels that hybrid religions like "Jews for Jesus" are too confusing by Mark Levitt
CARTOONS: "Woowee,! That was great! I've never seen anything like it before! Can you just do one more, and then I'll really believe whoever you said you were. By Glenn
"Ralphie's gift of tongues wasn't well-received by the other dogs... by J. Green
ARTICLE: If the Crippled Beggar Woman Who Sits Against the Wall of the Vatican Museum 12 Hours a Day Kept a Journal... - Maybe it's a test. By Butch D'Ambrosio
CARTOONS: Which Circle by Jeff Friend and Chris Huber
ARTICLE: Three Stooges Bible Study - Let my people go, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. By Todd Outcalt
INTERVIEW: Monsignor Sotto Voce - The pope is the Antichrist by Thomas Shane
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: For once, type-written letters finally outnumber those scrawled in Crayola!
CORRECTIONS & CLARIFICATIONS: Alleged misstatements grudgingly acknowledged
THE LAST WORD: The science of rabble-rousing by Ole Anthony and Skippy R.
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: Aint it the truth ...
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Not so bad news, either
LOSER OF THE BI-MONTH: Have it your way, McVeigh by Robert Darden


#178 November/December, 2001
The New Idolatry : Temptation Barbie

INTERVIEW: Dick Detzner What is blasphemy? By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
CARTOONS: Which Circle? By Jeff Friend & Chuck Huber
INTERVIEW: Rodney Clapp A truce in the culture wars by Arsenio Orteza
INTERVIEW: Dr. Christine Pohl America's hospitality sweetheart by John Carney
CARTOONS: "So that's it? I'm dead?... by Dan Pagoda and "Can you tell me if these are worth anything?" by Johnny Hawkins
FEATURE: Rent-a-Congregation Ad: Fill a pew, save a job by Al Speegle, Jr.
ARTICLE: Heaven Bound - The End Times Adventure Continues: Apocalypse for kiddies by Tim Redden
CARTOONS: "Rev. Brenneman's first and only healing service began with quite a challenge" and "This year I want a better ventriloquist" by Mueller
ARTICLE: Jesus Boy and the Bones of Christ: Fiction for Fundies by Darrel Spenst
CARTOONS: "It's worse than you think - it's the angel of debt" by Jennifer Berman and "Use the stem cells god gave you before somebody else does." By Mueller
ARTICLE: Intermediate Athiest Arguments: Introducing the doctrine of plausible fallibility by Doug Fattig
FEATURE: Rapture Theories You May Not Have Heard: Featuring the Neo-Gnositc Partial Rapture by Randy West
ARTICLE: Crackpots and Earthen Vessels: Say a novena for November/December by Paul Sommerville
FEATURE: My Favorite Things: The return of "Ben-Hinny -Hinn" by Ed L. Wier
ARTICLE: Flatteries Not Included: You'd better not be nailing those things to My door, buddy. By Anthony Sacramone
FEATURE: Parable of the Highly Effective Neighbor: Go in peace. In fact, go far, far away in peace by Blaine McCormick
FEATURE: Amazing Grace: Wayne Dyer meets "Gilligan's Island." By Randy West
ARTICLE: Christian College Girl Dumps Boyfriend in Order to "Date Jesus" Religion is a crutch by Ted Kluck
ARTICLE: Pope Under Glass: Dialogue schmialogue by Kathy Shaidle
FEATURE: Annotated Left Behind press Release: One press release. Fifty-three exclamation marks, and that doesn't count the words in all-caps, bold-face or underlined.
CARTOONS: "I think I'm suffering from burnout" by Zahn and "40 day deodorant pads".
FEATURE: Biblically Correct Math Problems for Home School Educators: How many chocolate bars must each student sell so they won't have to return to a school operated by the minions of Satan?
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Yada, Yada, Yada, Y'all.
KORECKSHUNS AND CLARIFICATIONS:: You figure which one is which.
LAST WORD: The Comfort of the Wheel by John Bloom, AKA Joe Bob Brigs
TRUTH IS STRANGER: Same as it ever was
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Which is only marginally better than Not so Bad News by the Staff
LOSER OF THE YEAR: CROUCHing tiger, hedden dragon. Frankly, we're ap-PAUL-ed. By Skippy R.
MARGINALIA: You need to worry about your salvation if... by Barbara Astor


#179 January/February, 2002
Southpark's Salvation: The Revelation of Kenny

ARTICLE: The Search for the History Kenny — We've "liberated" a page from Spong's new opus! By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: A Letter from Osama — Bin Laden spills it all for you — "The Perils and Virtues of Living by the Sword by Alexander Lombard
ARTICLE : "It's a Wonderful Taliban Life" — What if George found Zuzu's petals in Mazar-e-Sharif? By Skippy R.
CARTOON: Which Circle? The latest from the "Four Spiritual Laws" brigade. By Jeff Friend and Chris Huber
ARTICLE: Why Athiests Don't Exist — Why should they care" by Doug Fattig
FEATURE: Gospel Roaches — They're everywhere! They're everywhere! By John Green
INTERVIEW: Mark Levin — Keeping an eye on the Army of God — On the Front Lines with Soldiers in the Army of God. By Becky Garrison
FEATURE: Form Letter from an Internet Church — Next up: dot.communion by Ed L Wier
FEATURE: Least Popular Christian Self Help Books — How to Sue for Sexual Harassment if You are Touched by an Angel by Becky Garrison
FEATURE: Religious Home Shopping Catalogues — A sure-fire cure for Post-Yule Depression by Ed L. Wier
ARTICLE: Miracles from Chillicothe — The Holy Land will never be the same... by Bob Flynn
ARTICLE: Crackpots and Earthen Vessels — Another reason to be embarrassed about February by Paul Somerville
FEATURE: You Know It's Time to Volunteer to Teach Sunday School When...your child puts her entire allowance in the class offering, then refers to it as "seed money." By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
ARTICLE: Plain Brown Computer — And lo, they stored the files on their hard drives, some unknowingly and in violation of local statutes. By Dan Murphy
FEATURE: Here They Stand: How the Major Strands of Christianity Stack up .. or not, as the case may be. By Ben Johnson
ARTICLE: The Democratic National Convention Proudly Presents: The Rev. Jesse "Action" Jackson vs. the Rev. Al "The Showstopper" Sharpton, Oh my! By Becky Garrison
FEATURE: Selections from Mike Murdock's One Minute Manager's Bible — Take a deep breath and repeat after us. By James Bowley
FEATURE: The Ballad of the PTL — Men who laugh and cry and yes; The strange men of the PTL by Ed L. Wier
FEATURE: The Prayer of Jezebel. 1. God wants to proper YOU by giving YOU other people's property (1 Kings 21:7) by Todd Outcalt
CARTOONS: " To Make Friends in Jesus" and "Chicken Soup for the very churched well lucadoed soul by Dan Pegoda
ARTICLE: The Ultimate Survivor — Who will be the last moderate to survive at Southern Seminary? By Todd Outcalt
FEATURE: Little Noted Moments in Religious History- And they'll be even LESS noted after this issue! By John Carney
CARTOONS: " Biblical Budget Cuts" by Jennifer Berman and "Nice Jugs" by Judd
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: Very much so. Complied by The Door staff
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Some civil, some war. Compiled by The Door staff
CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS: Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap. Compiled by The Door Staff
THE LAST WORD: When you feel as out of place as an Amish electrician or a Calvinist insurance salesman. By Ed L. Wier
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Is there any other kind? Compiled by The door staff
LOSER OF THE BI-MONTH: The Army of God - you can't have it both ways. Bi-Abdullah Bar-Darden


#180 March/April, 2002
Our Thirtieth Anniversary Issue, more or less - but who's counting?

INTERVIEW: Jean Bethke Elshtain - Oxymoron alert! Jean's a "political ethicist." By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
INTERVIEW: Tom Lehrer - Everybody's doing "The Vatican Rag" by Jamie Lee Rake
CARTOONS: Which Circle? - Another boo boo for Bobo. By Jeff Friend and Chris Huber
ARTICLE: The Future Movie Guide - Are you ready for "Buffy the Goliath Slayer? By Pete Court
INTERVIEW: Ron Sider - How should we then respond? By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Retractions - our sincerest apologies to The Second Council of Chalcedon. By Anthony Sacramone
FEATURE: Jerry Falwell's Buy-a-Bomb Fundraiser - For $1 million, get your own Tomahawk cruise missle, complete with a (short) message for Osama. By Al Speegle, Jr.
ARTICLE: Crackpots and Earthen Vessels - Another reason to beware the Ides of March. By Paul Somerville
CARTOONS: "We're going to have to enlarge the territory of this section." By Johnny Hawkins and "Screensavior" by Mueller.
ARTICLE: Miracles from Chillicothe - A canticle for Weldon Wilkie by Bob Flynn
CARTOONS: "There may be some people here today who don't know Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior..."and "Not a Mac in sight ... all antiquated PC's with 28K modems and look, the mouse skips. Man, these guys didn't miss a trick!"
ARTICLE: Shalom: The Games of Peace - A blast from our past, Door #9 (October/November 1972). By Ron Carlson
ARTICLE: Prayer of Shabez - Have you ever wondered WHOSE territory Jabez was expanding into? By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
FEATURE: Other Religions' Similarities to, Differences With Islam Examined - A scholarly look at auto da fe Lite. By Paul Somerville
FEATURE: Talifammin' to the Patriotic Oldies - "God bless the Taliban, Even Iran hates us." By Kathy Harris - Zmudka
FEATURE: I know You Are - The only religious Q & A where you are always right by Anthony Sacramone
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Anthrax-tested and cleared
CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS: Didn't we do this last issue?
THE LAST WORD: Goodness and mercy me! The power of the 23rd Psalm. ByOle Anthony and Skippy R.
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: But oy vey - what can you do?
LOSER OF THE BI- MONTH THE 'REV' PAT ROBERTSON - Diamond mines are a girl's best friend.
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: Pay No attention to that man behind the curtain.


#181 May/June, 2002
The Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune - Should We Judge Ken Lay?

INTERVIEW: Ken Lay - Another Look . By Robert Darden
CARTOONS: Which Circle. By Jeff Friend & Chris Huber
INTERVIEW: Michael Colton - Finding a Place for the Modern Humorist, Post 9/11. By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Crackpots and Earthen Vessels. By Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: Miracles from Chillicothe: Thurston, Elaine and Brother JerryVisit the Holy Land, Part II. By Bob Flynn
FEATURE: Practical Jokes God Might Play: Perform an actual miracle on 34th Street. Jim Wyson
FEATURE: Spiritual Troubleshooting . By Ed Wier
ARTICLE: Televangelist Marilyn Hickey Arrested in Anthrax Scare : the frightening story of Widow's Miracle Flour revealed. By John Green
ARTICLE: God's Helpline: Press 2 if you wish the person to be smited. By Mark Levitt
ARTICLE: Spiritual Truth in Dr. Suess: Is Sam-I-am really Satan? By Pete Court
FEATURE: Deal With It: Jesus had mother issues like you wouldn't believe. By Judith Hugg
ARTICLE: Pilloried by the Five Pillars of Islam: Posting the Five Pillars of Islam outrages many. By Russell Blake
ARTICLE: Church and State Reconcile! An intersection to Avoid. By Russell Blake
CARTOONS: "I trust you all remembered to bring your ministry badges" and "Theocracy Today".
ARTICLE: The Mistress January Show: Set your VCR's for another winner from the Christian Shopping Network. By Al Speegle, Jr.
ARTICLE: Genesis Revisited: In the beginning, a Bang created the heavens and the earth. By Pete Court
FEATURE: Signs You May Be Watching Too Much TBN: You own a Thomas Kinkade shower curtain and coffee mug. By David Ehmann
CARTOONS: "No, Evolutionary Theory was only created in 1997. God simply made it appear as if it's been the dominant scientific model for the past century and a half." And " Ergonomic Hell"
ARTICLE: A Fond Farewell to Pat Robertson: Forget St. Francis! Get the Pat Robertson Dashboard Doggie! By John Green
CARTOONS: "Falwell is right! Attendance at an independent, fundamental, bible-believing Baptist Chruch is nesceesry for Salvation!" and "Zounds! You do have enough earned frequent-flyer points to get in!"
ARTICLE: From the Book of Hape Male Zsardee'm: "Thou said nothing about toads." By Melinda Brindley
CARTOONS: The Door Magazine Faxable Toon Page!
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: You pen 'em and we'll rend 'em.
THE LAST WORD: Is "Christian businessman" an oxymoron? By Ole Anthony and Skippy R.
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: We got a million of 'em.
LOSER OF THE BI-MONTH: Naughty priests. By Joe Bob Briggs
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: Only more so.


#182 July/August, 2002
Scientology Unplugged

INTERVIEW: Tory Bezazian - Scientology: Are we CLEAR on this? By Bob Gersztyn
INTERVIEW: Betty Bowers - Is she a better Christian than you are? By Becky Garrison
INTERVIEW: Claudia Sherwood - the Women in Black attack! By Becky Garrison
CARTOONS: "Which Circle" - Solomon would've written a song to Lorna. By Chris Huber and Jeff Friend
ARTICLE: Least Known Teachings of Scientology - "Teachings," of course, being a relative term. By Becky Garrison
CARTOONS: "Sensitivity Training" by Vojtko and "No,no,no...that's so 90's! This one means 'What Would Jabez Do?" by Jonny Hawkins.
FEATURE: Scientology Dictionary of Selected Terms - Dang, and all this time we thought "Theta" referred to a sorority girl. By Becky Garrison
CARTOONS: "Jake - how long have you been our youth pastor?" and "I'd be happy to serve as a church usher, but I don't beelieve in working on Sundays." By Vojtko
FEATURE: Children's Letters to God - Jumpin' Jehovah! Tough talk for tykes. By Michael Barnett
FEATURE: Selections from the New Prosperity Hymnal - Twisted takes on two timeless tunes. By Randall Pulver
FEATURE: The God Card - If the diety fits, you must acquit. By Ted Kluck
ARTICLE: Cracked Pots and Earthen Vessels - Further proof why these are called "The Dog Days." By Paul Somerville
CARTOONS: "I knew it" and "We Want You... and your litle dog too! By Rex RuBenzer
FEATURE: Eulogies, Inc - your beloved deserves the very best in mindless platitudes. By Chris Caldwell
FEATURE: First Christian Church Bulletin - If you're not tithin', you'll soon be writhin.' By Deborah Myers
ARTICLE: Jesus Seminar Revises Color Scheme - What's the color of truisms attributed to Jesus but actually spoken by Ben Franklin? By Lori Loson
CARTOONS: "Oops, prayed to the wrong God." By Mueller and "And what am I supposed to say when my family asks why you're still a minor prophet?" by Habakkuk at Home
CARTOONS: Faxable Toon Page
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: All duly screened and scanned.
CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS: Some duly weaned and spammed.
THE LAST WORD: Death is sooo final. By Ole Anthony with Skippy R.
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Most duly careened and panned
LOSER: L. Ron's legacy
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: Never dully deemed - all done with elan.


#183 September/October, 2002
Religious Satire: The Last Temptation?

INTERVIEW: Ralph Wood: The Comedy of Redemption: Humor in the Bible by Marla Pierson
CARTOONS: Which Circle? By Jeff Friend and Chris Huber
INTERVIEW: Father Jim Martin: Another Hero from Ground Zero by Becky Garrison
FEATURE: Thomas Kinkade: Painter of Light or Prince of Darkness? More booms from Chick by John Green
ARTICLE: A New Commandment - It's not that hard, you A$#&^% by Tamara Jaffe-Notier
CARTOONS: "It can store more than two billion commandments" by Bill Lee and "We caught Him Downloading Internet Prayers." By Roger Judd.
FEATURE: J. Christ: A Live - Lose the Crown of Thorns, Baby by Mark Levitt
ARTICLE: The One-Sentence Bible - For Yammering and Non-yammering Alike. By Judith Hugg
FEATURE: Give - Wherein We Emasculate "The Street Where You Live." By Kathy Harris-Zmudka
CARTOONS: Crockavangelist Hunter - You've Seen the Movie - Now See the Comic Strip! By Al Speegle, Jr. and Johnny Rutledge
A LETTER FROM OUR PUBLISHER: - Uh, oh, Kiddies... Watch Your Wallets! By Ole Anthony
INTERVIEW: Sara Dunne - More Lectures About Literature and Food. By John Carney
ARTICLE: Crackpots and Earthen Vessels - Down for the Mayan Long Count. By Paul Somerville
FEATURE: A Pop Quiz for Unrelenting Secularists - Silly Rabbi, Trix are for Kids! By Barbara Astor
CARTOONS: A Portfolio of Darren Regan Cartoons - A Gallery of "Toons from England's Finest.
FEATURE: Questions Various Denominations Never Ask! ... at Least Out Loud. By Bob Flynn
ARTICLE: Fat of the Land Church Review - Let's Not Talk About the Odious Goo Mrs. Grossman Ritualistically Tortures in Her Crock Pot by Morris Huntington II.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR - Adroit Presentations, Curiously Accumulated. By Brian Kelcher and Skippy R.
THE LAST WORD: Humility Begins at Home. By Ole Anthony and Skippy R.
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Presentations of an Adroit Curiosity.
THEOLOGIAN OF THE YEAR: Buffy the Vampire-Slayer - This Blood's for You. By Skippy R.
FEATURE: New Releases from 999 Records - Same as the Old Releases from 999 Records by Craig Butler.


#184 November/December, 2002
Merry Christmas!

INTERVIEW: Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull - sometimes being up a tree is a good way to get a handle on things. By Bob Gersytzn
INTERVIEW: Lin Brehmer - Some people call it the Cosmic Muffin. I just call it rock 'n' roll by Tamara Jaffe-Notier
ARTICLE: Oh Thank Heaven! - Home of the Big Gulp Communion. By Mike Stanton-Rich
INTERVIEW: Peter Max - The zen of 108 portraits of the Dalai Lama. By Bob Gersztyn
CARTOONS: Which Circle - The adventures of Bobo the EveryChristian continue. By Jeff Friend and Chris Huber
ARTICLE: A King James Thanksgiving - Wherein we baketh the hallowed fruit and eateth it topped with emulsified cow's milk. By Bill Little
CARTOONS: "That is strange. I'll send you for an amniocentesis." By Cooney and "Me? I thought up the slogan 'You may already have won a million dollars" by G. Abbott
ARTICLE: Crackpots and Earthen Vessels - November and December in religious history. By Paul Somerville
FEATURE: Favorite Religious Ads - Crazed by creeping creeds. by Robert Flynn
ARTICLE: Correspondence from the Filea of Glass House Healing Stones - Your sister in the greater universe, et al. By Pete Court
ARTICLE: The Porpoise-driven church, Part II - They're mammals, stupid. By Philip Leiter
ARTICLE: Hanukkah: Minding Our Own Beeswax - Please, don't wish us a Happy Hanukkah by Sally Sheklow
ARTICLE: Is your Church Going POMO? - Ask any GenX POMO Deconstructing Truth Questioner. By Karen Haluza
ARTICLE: Torched By an Angel - "You see, officer, it all began when I was riding my hog home from the Believer's Voice of Victory Conference." By Al Speegle, Jr.
CARTOONS: "The gift of eternal life? How am I gonna return that the day after Christmas?" by Cooney and "3 French Hennys" by Mueller.
ARTICLE: The Unseen Passenger - Don't just drive safe - drive saved! By John Green
ARTICLE: An Abject Apology to the Sci-Geeks - "We're as sorry as the next guy. By Skippy R.
FEATURE: From the Desk of John Ashcroft - Announcing NIPS: Not in Pews System by Kathy Harris-Smudka
FEATURE: Intifada Man Answers Your Islamic Inquiries - Friend, you're not ready for martyrdom. By Kathy Harris-Zmudka
THE LAST WORD: What's Holy About War? - When using the Big Guy's name is NOT a good idea. By Joe Bob Briggs
FEATURE: Left Hanging - Things happen in EVERY chapter! By John Green
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: We read, then bleed by Brian Kelcher and Skippy R.
FEATURE: The Even Newer Bible Dictionary - Liturgid: One rote prayer too many. By Pete Court
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Stupid religion tricks. Again. By the Door Staff
LOSER OF THE BI-MONTH: Santa Claus - There ain't no sanity clause! By Robert Darden
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: Dispatches from the other side of good taste.
FEATURE: Afterlife Classifieds - CSWM seeking Savior. Height/weight proportionate by Karen Sneider


#185 January/February, 2003
Honor Thy Father: The Gospel According To The Sopranos

INTERVIEW: Chris Seay - Our very own consigliere's take on the capodecina himself. By Becky Garrison
CARTOONS: Which Circle? Is this the episode where Bobo gets a goomar? By Jeff Friend and Chris Huber
INTERVIEW: Dave Burchett - Would Jesus spend His time on this? By Elizabeth Boyd
INTERVIEW: Brent Plate - Straight talk on culture. By John Carney
CARTOONS: Failed Gideon Enterprises. By Dan Pegoda
ARTICLE: Go Ahead...Praise My Day. By Todd Outcalt
CARTOONS: "Steve realized with a start that he'd switched his ammeter for an e-meter" and "Hold this to your ear and you can hear the howling shriek of a cold and impersonal universe" by Pete Mueller
FEATURE: Seven BreakThrough Secrets for Writing God's Little Best Seller. By R.J. Wieche
FEATURE: Excerpts from Christian Décor the Home Accents and Furnishings Catalogue. By Ed L. Wier
FEATURE: Secret Files of Project Veritas at Bob Jones University. By Daniel Whitfield
ARTICLE: Death of a TV Salesman - A TBN elegy. Or... Mr. Crouch, your ride's here! By Al Speegle, Jr.
FEATURE: A Southern Baptist Primer. By Robert Flynn
ARTICLE: Crackpots and Earthen Vessels. By Paul Somerville
CARTOONS: "Not a Mac in sight..." by R. Judd and "Don King James Bible" by Jonny Hawkins
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR by Brian Kelcher and Skippy R.
THE LAST WORD: Why "Investigations?" by Ole Anthony an Skippy R.
NOT SO GOOD NEWS by the Door Staff
LOSER OF THE BI-MONTH: The 'What Would Jesus Drive' Campaign. By Skippy R.
FEATURE: Feast of Fools: A Letter to Paul Crouch. By Al Speegle, Jr.
FEATURE: Listen Up, World! A televised address by His Almightyness the Lord. By Mark Levitt


#186 March/April, 2003
Caught Between Iraq and a Hard Place - Islamic Stand-Up Azhar Usman

INTERVIEW: Ashar Usman - "A Jew, a Baptist and an Imam walk into a bar...um...mitzvah!" By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
CARTOONS: Which Circle? By Jeff Friend & Chris Huber
INTERVIEW: Calvin Miller - Don't we ALL wish Christianity Today still had a sense of humor? By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
ARTICLE: Parish Pitchmen to Pack Pews With Product Placement - Paying your monthly tithe...priceless. by Kathryn Casey
INTERVIEW: Orson Scott Card - A Word from one of them Ladder-Day Saints. by Bob Gersztyn
FEATURE: The French Fry in Genesis - a one-act play for one-track minds. by Gayle Avant
ARTICLE: Crackpots and Earthen Vessels - Doesn't the Bible say something about "date-setting"? by Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: End-Times Expert Van Impe Adds Sports and Weather to His Faux Newscast - Our motto: "More Rexalla, All the Time." By Mark Linville
ARTICLE: The Group at Soaring Dove Christian Hub, Part I - Meet the gang at your average, everyday singles ministry. by Jeff Friend
FEATURE: Ten Commandments and the Televangelists: Scratch & Win Game! - Match the televangelist with the commandment he HASN'T broken yet! By Brad Whittington
ARTICLE: The Adventures of Hucklebenny Hinn...Stealing apples with the Apple of God's Eye. by Al Speegle, Jr.
ARTICLE: Quitting TBN Cold Turkey: The Journal - Shouldn't there be a TBN patch? By David Ehmann
ARTICLE: Unsafe Sects: The Talk - How to practice safe sects. by Matthew Porter
ARTICLE: Presidential Pay-Off Team Update...What they say. What they mean. By Phil Leiter
CARTOONS: "Oops! We bombed 'em back to the jazz age!" By Mueller and "Though Jerry Lewis's conversion to snake handling appeared to be sincere, friends and family feared it was heading for disaster."
ARTICLE: Scoop! Baskin-Robbins Hermeneutically Explained - Wherein we quote, for the first time, from A Greek-English Lexicon of the Septuagint. By Christopher Young
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Aw, quityerbellyachin'.
ARTICLE: Church Chafing Under New U.N. Clergy Inspections - You want cream with your Kofi? By Douglas W Texter
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Yeah, but consider the alternative...
ARTICLE: Stock in Satan's Supernatural Memory System Goes Public - Satan is now a division of Time-Borg-Warner. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
CARTOONS: "McChurch on the Fly" by Jonny Hawkins
CARTOONS: Faxable Toon Page!
ARTICLE: The Group at Soaring Dove Christian Hub, Part II - Aubry Pickett assumes the (missionary) position. By Jeff Friend
FEATURE: " In the Footsteps of Paul" Holy Land Tour - Get stoned with Stephen! By Sue Arnold
ARTICLE: Christian Beer Guide & Sampler - What do the Swedes drink when the glogg runs dry? By Philip Lieter
THE LAST WORD: Whatever evangelism is, it doesn't have much to do with televangelists. by Ole Anthony and Skippy R.


#187 May/June, 2003
Harry Potter in The Lake of Fire

INTERVIEW: Connie Neal - The Gospel According to Harry Potter: Reasonable words from a Fundamentalist's worst nightmare. By Becky Garrison
CARTOONS: Which Circle - Playing it straight. By Huber and Friend
ARTICLE: Harry Potter in the Lake of Fire - It was inevitable. By John Green
INTERVIEW: The Blind Boys of Alabama - A trip down the Gospel Highway with Clarence Fountain: Giving the Good News a beat. By Bob Gerztyn
FEATURE: Benny Hinn 2003 Partner Letter - Truth, one supposes, is indeed stranger than fiction. By John Green
INTERVIEW: Quentin J. Schultze - A Spiritual Quest On the Information Highway: Joyfully go, boldly email. By Arsenio Orteza
ARTICLE: The Pontiius "Pilates" Fitness Method - Straight from the man with the immaculately clean hands. By Pete Court
ARTICLE: The Group at Soaring Dove Christian Hub, Part 3 - Showing us the money. by Jeff Friend
CARTOONS: "The Swiss Army Bible" by Roger Judd and "Chicken Soup for Beached Whales" by Pete Mueller
ARTICLE: Crackpots and Earthen Vessels - Like sands through the hourglass, the days of our lives. by Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: Grim Reaper Has Change of Heart - Don't fear the Reaper, kiddies. By Mark Linville
ARTICLE: Evidence That Demands More Evidence - A campus outreach crusade by Josh McVowell, BS, Intellectual. By Philip Leiter
ARTICLE: Bush Urges American Public Not to Convert to Islam - Bubba says, "Pretty please." By Mark Linville
FEATURE: Judean Rabbinate, Inc - The Lord's final performance review. By Danny Murphy
CARTOONS: "Let's hope this isn't one of those ungodly new trends" by Pete Mueller and "You mean you didn't even 'Focus Group' them first?" by Vojko
ARTICLE: Oral Roberts University to Offer New Degree Program - Organ donors desperately needed. By Andrew Miller
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Followed by "words" to the editor. By Skippy R.
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: The Door staff - It's twue! It's twue!
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Not so fast, Boudreaux. By Skippy R.
ARTICLE: My Word-Faith Journal - The diary of a serial televangelist in the making. By Al Speegle, Jr
CARTOONS: Faxable Toon Page
THE LAST WORD: Nibbling toward oblivion. By Ole Anthony and Skippy R.


#188 July/August, 2003
The Logos of LEGOs: Building Blocks of the Universe

INTERVIEW: The Logos of Legos: The Rev. Brendan Smith - And you thought atoms were the building blocks of the universe... By John Carney
CARTOONS: Faxable 'Toon Page: New cartoons and not a moment too soon!
INTERVIEW: Scroll Man: Peter Flint - Bringing the Dead Sea Scrolls to Life. By Jeremy Lott
ARTICLE: Reality Church - What happens when youth sponsors are assigned a tribe of 40 middle-schoolers for a 48-hour lock-in? By Ron Benson
ARTICLE: Crackpots and Earthen Vessels - What a difference a day makes! By Paul Somerville
FEATURE: The Seventh Sign Something is Wrong at Trinity Broadcasting Network - Further proof God has a sense of humor. By David Ehmann
INTERVIEW: The Kingdom of Baseball: Christopher Evans and Bill Herzog - Why there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and 108 stitches in a baseball. By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: France Declares War on Terrorism - The horror, the horror... by David P Owen
CARTOONS: "Populate the Earth?" by Kevin Frank and "Seven habits of highly effective people" by R. Judd
ARTICLE: Why Do They Hate Us? We have met the enemy... By George Szabo
FEATURE: Hinn Utilities/TBNN - Products you didn't know you couldn't live without. By Brian Mcmillen
ARTICLE: When God WhispersYour Name, Part 2: How to Write Like Me, Max Lucado - Lots of chapter headings. Lots of white space. Lots of padding (Like The Door!) by Al Speegle, Jr.
ARTICLE: Health Disclosure of TBN - When truth in advertising goes very, very wrong. By Al Speegle, Jr.
FEATURE: Theological Terms from the Esoteric Dictionary of Quasi-Spiritual Mistaken Knowledge -" Pteredactor" - A theological dinosaur known for biting large holes in the text. By Randall F. West
FEATURE: New Age Lullaby - Hush little baby now don't you squall, Momma's gonna buy you a crystal ball. By Gary Sweeten
FEATURE: Wordgame -A crossword puzzle for people at the crossroads... By Al Speegle, Jr.
ARTICLE: The Group at Soaring Dove Christian Hub #4. The Call of the Mild: The Training - Under-promise and over-deliver. By Jeff Friend
CARTOONS: " Stranded in the desert with Robert Schuler" by Roger Judd and "Yeah, I invited Christ into my life, once, for about six weeks... but it just got to where we were constantly fighting." By Dan Pegoda
ARTICLE: Miracles from Chillicothe: Testifying - Ruby Waldrip testified that for years she had prayed for patience and last week the Lord sent her a slow maid. By Bob Flynn
ARTICLE: Fruit of the Vines: Brotherhood of the SBC - The Rev. Jerry V. prays for the Pope's eventual salvation. By C. Wayne Huff
FEATURE: Promise Keepers Hope to Broaden Their Relevance with Launch of New Women's Auxiliary - Under promise-keeper and over-deliver. By Tracy Green
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Chew on THESE little beauties a while. By Skippy R.
FEATURE: The Screwtape E-mail - C.S. Lewis for the X-treme Generation. By Al Speegle, Jr.
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Not So Good News for the Modern Man and Woman. By The Door Staff
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: If it wasn't so, we would have told you.
THE LAST WORD: Gain ain't godliness. By Ole Anthony and Skippy R.


#189 September/October, 2003
National Lampoon's Scott Rubin Answers to a Higher Authority

INTERVIEW: National Lampoons' Moral Compass: Scott Rubin by Becky Garrison
INTERVIEW: Finding the Connection Between Artist and Theologian: Robert Olen Butler by Greg Garrett
INTERVIEW: Rootin' Out Religion in a Redneck Nation: Michael Graham by John Carney
CARTOONS: Faxable Toon Page - Don't get lax: Use your fax! (To the max!)
ARTICLE: Dr. Mike Murdock's Wisdom Keys - Excess is the key to success. by John Green
FEATURE: A Very Special Offer for Very Special TBN Partners - Are you listed (for a small donation) in The Lamb's Book of Life? By John Green
ARTICLE: Gordon's Best Day - Every time a cash register rings, an angel gets his wings. By Ruth Lee
FEATURE: The Parable of the Good Samaritan - Stick a fork in him - he's done. By Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: The Prayer of Lamech - If Jabez makes money seven-fold, truly Lamech can make money seventy-sevenfold. By James Crossan
CARTOONS: "Of course I know that's not what the bible really says... But he's so well spoken and they have guitars and drums... and he has so much hair... by R. Judd and "Wait a minute..." by Dick Hafner
ARTICLE: Crackpots and Earthen Vessels - It's that time of the month... by Paul Somerville
FEATURE: The Ten Commandments According to Bill Bennett - Ten will get you one that you haven't seen these little beauties. By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Papal Bull - We command thee and thy minions of lawyers, judges, journalists, paparazzi and The Door to relent from thy excessively harsh treatment of The Church's clergy. By C.B. Mosher
FEATURE: Mormons Gone Wild! Another beet-red Spring Break special from Snoop Doggy Dog Productions! By Ed L. Wier
ARTICLE: Call of the Mild #5: The Heart of Aubrey - The horror! The horror! (Part II) by Jeffrey Friend
CARTOONS: "Jerusalem Books & Gifts - Available in August - the NEW Testament! By Dick Hafner and "Let's hold until our client base is together by Pete Mueller
LOSER OF THE Bi-MONTH: Heavenly Moon-shine - It's time this Moon went into eclipse by Skippy R.
CARTOONS: "Mormon Crickets" by A. Pedersen and "Pull my finger!"
FEATURE: All I Really Needed to Know to be a Televangelist I Learned as a Used Car Salesman - Once it's pulled off the lot, it's no longer your concern. By Janet Snider
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Oh, how the nations rage! By Skippy R.
ARTICLE: Honey, I Shrunk the Prophet! Josh McVowel Apologetic Strategies: Lesson #342 - John McVowell explains everything for you. By Phillip Leiter
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: The acquiring of fundage is, like, the rootage of all evil. By Skippy R.
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: It was the last time we looked... by The Door staff
THE LAST WORD: Things I thought everybody knew. By Ole Anthony, with Skippy R.


#190 November/December, 2003
Bibleman vs. The Flying Karamazov Brothers

INTERVIEW: Willie "Bibleman" Ames - Willie aims for "Helly"wood by Becky Garrison
FEATURE: Bibleman vs Jim Bakker - Always bet on the guy in spandex by Becky Garrison
INTERVIEW: Flying Karamazov Brothers - We send our own Grand Inquisitor after the Karamazovs by Tamara Jaffe-Notier.
ARTICLE: Cease and Desist - It's clobberin' time! By Aaron Alford
ARTICLE: Crackpots and Earthen Vessels - Like grains of sand through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives by Paul Somerville
ARTICLE: Bob the Angel - As a species, we're really a buncha maroons by Earl R Wilder
ARTICLE: The PAN Outbreak - Homeland Security is no laughing matter, pal by Al Speegle, Jr.
FEATURE: An Open Letter to Friends of The Door Magazine - Once again, we're askin' you to pony up a little do-re-me.
FEATURE: Welcome to Serpent Creek Community Snake-Handling Church - This is why it is so important to take time each day to test our faith with a snake of our choosing by Aaron Alford
FEATURE: Endtimes Generalized Anxiety Disorder - What happens when you dream of Hal Lindsay in Apocalyptic pajamas by Randal F. West
CARTOONS: " Our Jon has a calling, dear" by Scott Arthur Masear and "I may not be a 'wise man', but at least I never got so lost I had to ask Herod for Directions." By Roger Judd
FEATURE: Gay Caballaros, the S'preme Court and the Rev. Billy Mack's Texas-Sized BBQ - At least our lust is gender-correct by Mark Fisher
FEATURE: The Game of Christian Life - Go directly to hell. Do Not pass "Go." Do not collect $200 by Cathy Sproul
ARTICLE: Machiavelli and Associates - Remember, Junior: fortuna e una donna by Al Speegle, Jr.
ARTICLE: Call of the Mild #6: The Journey - On the road again to Altai City... by Jeff Friend
CARTOONS: "You have bowels of holly." By David Cooney and "Four Wisemen" by Dan Foote
FEATURE: Biblical Figures Clash With Modern Culture - Let my people go - wireless! By Mark Levitt
CARTOONS: "Dirty Diapers" by Dan Foote and "Look at all those stars, Gordon. They remind me of how insignificant you are" by Todd Condron
FEATURE: Isaiah's Rejection Letter - Your interview was so electrifying that our personnel board feels you have great potential as a future church leader by Tamara Jaffe-Notier
FEATURE: Charismatic Challenge - The race to succeed Joel Osteen by Greg Horton
FEATURE: Job Opportunity with Marilyn Hickey Ministries - Define "opportunity" by Al Speegle, Jr.
ARTICLE: Are There Homosexual Saints? Don't ask, don't tell, don't do by Joe Bob Briggs
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Our readers reach, retch and roll.
FEATURE: A Beginner's Guide to Christianese - Just how long IS "for a season" exactly? By Abigail Batton
CARTOONS: "Stained Glass Window XP" by Scott Arthur Masear and "When Ashcroft gets here, let's act gay." By Mueller
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Say it ain't so, Joe by Skippy R.
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION - The proof is in the pictorial puddin'.
THE LAST WORD: Surprised by Joy by Ole Anthony and Skippy R.


#191 January/February 2004
The Heretic

ARTICLE: The Heretic - How Benny Hinn got the word from on high. By Joe Bob Briggs
FEATURE: Paige Patterson: Big Lame Hunter - Paige Patterson takes aim. It's time to get out those Crayolas, kiddies! By Skippy R.
INTERVIEW: Adrian Plass - The Best Christian Writer You've Never Heard of. By Emily Winslow Stark
INTERVIEW: Jerry B. Jenkins - An exclusive interview with the guy who was left behind when Tim LaHaye signed his big secular deal. By Christopher Fisher
CARTOONS: "Pastor Rushmore was doing his best to cope with the sudden increase in church attendance." By Scott Masear and "The way I see it, there are two kinds of people in this world." By Todd Condron
ARTICLE: Rev. Gene Ewing's "Make-a-Million" Religious-Writing Correspondence Course - Be one of my minions! Make millions! By Al Speegle
ARTICLE: Winning at "Private Time" - How not to be one of the "Unpopular Christians". By Abigail Batton
CARTOONS: "I can't shake the feeling that the meaning of life is passing me by!" by Jack Corbett. And "I feel at peace, father, knowing my enemies & tormentors will burn forever in hell." By Jack Corbett
FEATURE: Gary Ezzo's "Leading Churches MY Way" - Dealing with children and dealing with church boards requires essentially the same skill. By Kelley Reep
ARTICLE: Mike Yaconelli - Founder, brother, friend. By Robert Darden
FEATURE: The Self-Conscious Consciousness-of-Self Catalog - Home of the Dalai Lama's Fat Burning Workout. By Randall F. West
ARTICLE: Controversial Book Selection Splits UNC Campus...Again - The Bible, by God. By Kelley Reep
ARTICLE: Crackpots and Earthen Vessels - Another couple of months, another couple of martyrs. By Paul Somerville
FEATURE: More Billboard & Bumper Sticker Revelations - What part of "cut off your hand" didn't you understand? - God. By Chris Towles
ARTICLE: The Call of the Mild #7: The Teammate - Aubrey finally meets Kurt and Mongolia will never be the same. By Jeff Friend.
FEATURE: Bob the Builder - Caulked for me. By Timothy E Schenck
LOSER-OF-THE Bi-MONTH - Uh, that'd be us... The Door Staff
CARTOONS: Faxable 'Toon Page
FEATURE: The Hardshell Baptist Outreach Horoscope - Today you begin the first of many days of a slow, painful death. By Scott Lacoute
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: You scrawl, we crawl. The Door Staff
ARTICLE: Oldest Church Member Found to be Fraud - Well, maybe "fraud" is a bit harsh. By Scott Lacoute
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: So what other kind is there these days? By Skippy R.
CARTOONS: Cultural Jet Lag - The 11th Commandment: Obey the law... by Jim Siergey
THE LAST WORD: Logos without the logo. By Ole Anthony, with Skippy R.


#192 March/April 2004
We Got Him! Pat Robertson, our first "Lifetime Loser"

INTERVIEW: Kimberly Winston - Finding faith beyond faith-healing. By Bob Gersztyn ARTICLE: From John Hagee Ministries... SpongBob Squarepants: Satan's Ploy for Your Child's Soul. By Todd Outcult
ARTICLE: Zendergarten. By Ed. L Weir
INTERVIEW: Marcia Ford - Memories of a misfit. By Becky Garrison
FEATURE: The Talmudic TV Guide. By Kathy Harris-Smudka
CARTOONS: "My ears are burning" by April Pederson and "Hiking trails in hell!" by Jack Corbett
ARTICLE: Crackpots and Earthen Vessels. By Paul Somerville
CARTOONS: "The prayer group share their experiences of brokenness" by Darren Regan and "Hey you, molten lava shower before going in the Lake of Fire" By Greg Sturko
FEATURE: Robertson's Operation Tuna Surprise. By Phil Leiter
ARTICLE: The Weather Prophet Forecast. By Chris Fisher
FEATURE: New Seminary Feasibility Study. By Al Speegle, Jr.
CARTOONS: "And we would like to thank Mr Langway for making sure we made a smooth transition from fearing each other to fearing God." By Pete Mueller and "It wasn't a deliberate deception, I understand... but I doubt all these people will." By Roger Judd
FEATURE: Emoticons for the Modern Church. By Pete Court
FEATURE: Signs You'll Soon See in the Lord's Waiting Room. By Mark Levitt
FEATURE: What on Earth are they Talking About? Why Christians shouldn't go into the poster business. By Pete Court
CARTOONS: "Martin Luther's First Posting" by Roger Judd and "Not a Good Book, A Great Book" by Bob Schochet
ARTICLE: Atheist Sees Virgin Mary in Tortilla, Sues Cafeteria. By David Sklar
FEATURE: Scenarios That Justify Family Christian Stores Opening on Sundays. By Greg Horton
ARTICLE: Confession is Good for the Soul, Or Not - An Easter essay. By Julie E. Painter
ARTICLE: Robertson Announces Dieu Not God of the Bible. By David Sklar
FEATURE: Memo on Prayer in public Schools. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
CARTOONS: "School Prayer" by Pete Mueller and "The little known 5th horseman of the Apocalypse." By Rex Rubenzer
ARTICLE: Call of the Mild #8: Incommunicado - Judith and Kurt? By Jeff Friend
FEATURE: Word of Faith Bumper Stickers We'd Like to See. By Al Speegle, Jr
LOSER OF THE BI-MONTH: Pat Robertson, our first "Lifetime Loser!: by The Door Staff
FEATURE: R. C. Sproul Talking Bedtime Doll. By Ted Kluck
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: By The Door Staff
FEATURE: Pat's Prayer Book - "...as we assault our enemies." By Phil Leiter
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Why do we keep doing this to ourselves? By The Door Staff
THE LAST WORD - One reader's Passion. by Jody Dean


#193 May/June 2004
This Clear and Present Darkness

ARTICLE: This Clear and Present Darkness — An exciting excerpt from the upcoming novel by Frank Peretti and Karl Rove. By Al Speegle, Jr.
INTERVIEW: Keepin' it real in Uptown Chicago: John Trott. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
CARTOONS: Which Circle? Welcome to the barracks of righteousness. By Chris Huber and Jeff Friend
INTERVIEW: Hooking the Big Fish in the Land of Myth: Daniel Wallace. By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Call of the Mild #9: The Loin King — Kurt leaves, Mendee stays and a surprise guest arrives! By Jeff Friend
FEATURE: School of New Icthus Cartoons: If at first you can't exceed... By Jess - MacCallum
FEATURE: Don't curse the Darkness...Call Angel of Light Productions: New! From Strang Productions! By Aaron Alford
CARTOONS: "Do you think the couch was made by the same angry God who made George Bush?" by Pete Mueller and "Can you hear me now?" by April Pedersen
FEATURE: Grandma Smithers' Rod Parsley Diary: Curse you, Columbus Dispatch! By Al Speegle, Jr.
ARTICLE: The Thin Young Ruler — Have it Yahweh! By Wyndham Thiessen
ARTICLE: The Self-Fest — A paean to radiant energy and positive hair. By Ed L. Wier
ARTICLE: The Return of the King Postponed for The Return of the King - Another reason why we love this Guy. By Aaron Alford
CARTOONS: Which Circle? Welcome to the barracks of righteousness, The Sequel. By Chris Huber and Jeff Friend
FEATURE: Deconstructing Nursery Rhymes and folktales of the Church — Featuring The Tale of the Little Red Hinn. By Kelley Reep
FEATURE: Charisma House Publishing Executive's Daily Weblog — Home of the new "Galactically Fat Mega-Spaced Courier" font. By Jamie Crossan
ARTICLE: Yo! Christian Rappers Contextualize Evangelism with 'Rivalries' and...stuff — Props to da Man. Peace. By Howard Bowman
FEATURE: Cleft Behind — What good is a plumber's helper against such evil in these days? By Skippy R.
FEATURE: Paul's Letter to the Californians — For you were bought for a price, and it wasn't on Ebay, bub. By Craig Bowron with Peter Bochlke
CARTOONS: "String theory — I must remember to create the universe." By April Pedersen and "The Porpoise-Deiven Church" by Tim Nyberg
LOSER OF THE BI- MONTH: The Tulsa Airmen and Their Magnificent Flying Machines — From Gospel blimps to Gospel pimps. By Pete Evans and Todd Bates
ARTICLE: Satinism and Stitchcraft — Find yourself a Godly woman who cooks and appreciates a well-made workbench. By Robert A Sloan
CARTOONS: "Enlighten, Outlighten" by Jack Corbett and "Predestination Seminar" by Roger Judd
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Dis and dat and chewin' the fat. By Skippy R.
FEATURE: Pastor Tilton's Seed-Faith Lottery Tickets — The more you play, the more you save. By Al Speegle, Jr.
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Dat and dis — and something's amiss. By Skippy R.
TRUTH IS STRANGERTHAN FICTION: Dit and dat and imagine that!
THE LAST WORD: Ole of Arcadia? By Ole Anthony, with Skippy R.


#194 July/August 2004
You're Fired!

INTERVIEW: You're fired! The Prince of Lies waxes eloquent on love and romance: Satan. By Ed. L. Weir
FEATURE: The Passion - You knew it was coming... by Jim Siergey
INTERVIEW: The financial cost of discipleship: Larry Rice. By John Carney
CARTOONS: A School of New Icthus Cartoons, The Sequel - If at first you don't recede... By Jess MacCallum
INTERVIEW: Everything old is new again: Sharan Newman. By Emily Winslow Stark
FEATURE: Selections from the Apostle Paul Crouch's Letter to the Corinthians (TBN Translation) - The message of TBN is foolish for those who are heresy hunters, but for us it is the road to prosperity. By Jeff Carter
ARTICLE: Fundy School: How to Make the Most of Being Right - Gleanings from the filing cabinet at the Proper Distance Baptist Church. By Phillip Leiter
ARTICLE: Excommunication Craze Sweeps U.S. Catholics - Bishop Raymond Burke opens a can o' worms. By Robert Fulton
INTERVIEW: Girl meets magazine: Lauren Winner. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
ARTICLE: An Intellectual Approach to Dealing with Jehovah's Witnesses - The lesser-known eleventh plague, known in French as la Peste ennuyante. By Ross Raffin
CARTOONS: "Airport - Moonies are here, here, here!!! By Jack Corbett and "Just what we've been looking for... a happy medium" by Todd Condron
ARTICLE: The Call of the Mild #10 Final Call - I was a missionary once... By Jeff Friend
FEATURE: My Little Baal - Moloch and Karnak sold separately. By Aaron Alford
FEATURE: Family Christian Stores Fail-Safe Marketing Plan - We take our ministry mission seriously. By Jameson A Rathers
CARTOONS: "I'll grant you a death wish" By Peter Mueller, "I'm getting sick and tired of not having a thing to wear!" By Bob Zahn, "I just don't think you're cut out for this life." By Jack Corbett, and "Forgive, forgive, forgive. That's all you ever do!" By Bob Schochet.
ARTICLE: Chicken Soup for the Damned - A cup of cold water could bring gratitude, but dirt, demons and décolletage brought donations. By Robert Flynn
ARTICLE: Thos. Nelson Announces New Line of Relevant-Looking Bibles - Specialty Bibles to serve the needs of the Christian community! By Joy Lanzendorfer
INTERVIEW: Happy, happy, joy, joy! Joel Osteen. By Chris Whitehead
FEATURE: The Fundamentalist Bookstore and Gehenna Books Catalog - The end of the beginning... by Bob Barr
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: And lo, the heathens rage! Edited by Skippy R.
ARTICLE: a Greeter Eluded - Watch out for those new high-resolution optical sensors. By Steve Marshwiggle
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: The heathen rage goes low! Annotated by Skippy R.
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: Low heathens are all the rage! Inoculated by Skippy R.
THE LAST WORD: Leap and the net will appear. By Ole Anthony, with Skippy R.
FEATURE: The Apostle - How do you parody a parody? By Jim Siergey


#195 September/October 2004
Jiminy Cricket! It's The Gospel According to Disney

INTERVIEW: The Midrash of Mickey: Mark Pinsky. By Becky Garrison
INTERVIEW: The only author that anyone has ever heard our publisher recommend: Gerhard Forde. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
CARTOONS: Which Circle? By Jeff Friend and Chris Huber
INTERVIEW: Rainy day theologians 12 and 35: Scott Marshall. By Becky Garrison
CARTOON: "I've tried to live my life according to the lyrics of the Bob Dylan Songbook." By Jack Corbett
ARTICLE: Do Cucumbers Count? Come, let us reason together with herbivores. By David Werther
FEATURE: Advice from Dr. James Dobson - Daring to discipline the strong-willed president. By Becky Garrison
FEATURE: A Short Glossary of Terms for the Serious Student of Contemporary Theology - You should know this stuff, Boudreaux. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
CARTOONS: "My strict religious values will not affect the manner in which I loot your pension fund." By Pete Mueller and "Death is booked. I'm disfiguring injury." By Pete Mueller.
FEATURE: What's in a Name? ACNE is the acme of church monikers! By C. McNair Wilson
FEATURE: Top Ten Christian Reality Shows - Don't miss Big Fat Obnoxious Pastoral Candidate. By Dr. Bill Fleming
ARTICLE: The Dumb Spake - Teaching Vulcans the Vulgate. By Steven Marshwiggle
FEATURE: Legal Notice: Civil Action No. A-777777-04 - Please do not call the court. By Judith Hugg
FEATURE: Handbook of Odd Denominations - New Wesleyans - Unitard-wearing disciples of Wesley Crusher. By Randall E. West
CARTOONS: Fish and cross by Jack Corbett and "No, son, god isn't going to double click on us." By Scott Arthur Masear
ARTICLE: Wisdom from a park bench-those wacky Lutherans... By Al Scheider
FEATURE: Evangelical Monopoly - Go directly to Hell. Do not pass Go. By Ted Kluck
ARTICLE: A Partial Lexicon of the Church Growth Movement - Seeker: Anyone who wanders in the door, or anyone we can coax in the door.
FEATURE: Top 10 Judgement Day Excuses - "Sin Boldly" - it seemed like such a good idea at the time. By Ruth Lee
FEATURE: Letter from King David to a Teen-Age Absalom - Thy mother is neither thy maid nor thy chariot chauffer... By Steve Case
ARTICLE: God's CSI - Fewer words in the Bible that end in "th". By Mark Levitt
CARTOONS: "Hell for people who file frivolous lawsuits." By Rex Rubenzer and "Pascal's Wager" by April Pedersen
ARTICLE: Pagans Accidently Co-opt Christian Teaching - By Jove, they've got it! By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
CARTOONS: "Eve is your best creation yet, God! Uhm, I could spare a few more ribs." By C Towles and "Dawn of the merely living" By Peter Mueller
CARTOONS: Jack T. Chick, this was your life! By. C. Towles
ARTICLE: Gay Marriages Threaten... um...Something, Probably - The only way to preserve separation of church and state is if the government does whatever we tell it to. By David Sklar
CARTOON: "Chad and I met at Promise Keepers." By Roger Judd
ARTICLE: The Second-Oldest Profession - And only a tad less seedy than the first! By Terry Burlison
CARTOONS: "This parallel universe theory is interesting, Dave, tell me more." By Scott Arthur Masear and "Please, Lord, let me grow legs" By Scott Arthur Masear
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Eggin' on the editors. Edited by Skippy R.
ARTICLE: The Music Wars - If this choir were run properly, geriatric misery-guts like you wouldn't get a look-in. By Wendy Noble
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Editing the egg-heads. By Skippy R.
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: Heading off the exits. By the Door Staff
THE LAST WORD: The Disciples" Prayer. By Ole Anthony, with Skippy R.


#196 November/December 2004
The Purpose-Driven Wife – She has it all... at Southwest Creekwood Family Faith Mall

ARTICLE: From the Files of Southwest Creedwood Family Faith-Mall - The photo of you in a thong bikin advertising a Troybuilt snow blower caught me off-guard. By Jeff Hopkins
CARTOONS: Which Circle? Requiem for a tract-man. By Chris Huber and Jeff Friend
INTERVIEW: John Spalding - The journey along one pilgrim's digression. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
ARTICLE: DaySpring Hills Church and Country Club - Would you like to start with an appetizer, perhaps? By Al Speegle
ARTICLE: The Thermostat - "Lizard!" "Hot head!" "Cold heart!" By Steven Marshwiggle
INTERVIEW: Winifred Gallagher - Finding God in the science. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier.
ARTICLE: Theologians Propose New Theory of Republican Inerrancy - Whatever the Republican Party intends to teach is to be considered inerrant in application. By Howard Bowman
INTERVIEW: Rick Ross - The personality of a cult. By Pete Evans
FEATURE: Fundamentalist Bookstore and Gehenna books Holiday Catalog - Let's put the "X" back in Christmas! By Bob Barr
FEATURE: Pimp My Bible! Requests for airbrushed flames will not be honored - it's a hell thing. By Greg Horton
FEATURE: Top 12 Sermon Titles of Joel Osteen - "Even When We Lose Our bibles, Our Message Never Cries." By Chris Whitehead
CARTOONS: "Dougie was 'gifted' at collecting the offering." By Darren Regan
FEATURE: The TXT Messaging Bible - N d beginN wz d Word. By Al Speegle
CARTOONS: "Stairway to Heaven" by Adam Rust and "Sorry, it must've slipped past my spell checker." By David Cooney
FEATURE: Timeless Quotes from Famous Jewish Mothers - Noah's Mom: "So it's raining. You're not sugar; you won't melt." By Ruth Lee
ARTICLE: The Gospel According to Popeye - That Popeye himself is the heroic Christ-figure is plain enough even for conservative Southern Baptists in Dallas to grasp. By Robert Fulton
ARTICLE: Messianic Episcopalians Ordain Goy Bishop - There is never, ever a reason to change settled church policy, even for a pun or typographical error. By Howard Bowman
ARTICLE: Holographic Bands Enhance Praise and Worship: Watch as contextualized youth workers, complete with thick glasses and pocket protectors, cheer on enhanced musicians. By Howard Bowman
CARTOONS: "The Ghost of Christmas Matrix" by Pete Mueller and "Chicken poop on my sole. Why? What'd you think I said?" by Paul Pell
FEATURE: See Us at the Pole - A whole school year's worth of witnessing by example in fifteen minutes. By Christopher Fisher
FEATURE: Urgent Request! Benny Learns from Foreign Fund-raising Techniques - To: By Robert Darden
CARTOONS: "What did Santa bring Baby Jesus?" By Bob Vojtko and "I can't sit on his lap. I'm Santa Claustrophobic." By David Cooney
ARTICLE: Stern Makes Jump to Christian Radio - Every time the church bells ring, the seventh caller will be entered in a drawing to win a copy of Rick Warren's new book. By David Brazeal
FEATURE: More Insight from The Bible Code - Evangelist + Evil's Agent. By Al Speegle, Jr.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: You'll yawn in the heather over this stuff. Sorted by Skippy R.
ARTICLE: Wake up, Leatherboy! An Open Letter to Franklin Graham - No one wants to send their shoeboxes for the little kids to a pain in the neck. By Judith Hugg
CARTOONS: "Shriner Funeral" By Rex Rubenzer and "See if you can get him to torment something." By Pete Mueller
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: We searched hither and yon for this stuff. By Skippy R.
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: Stuff came hither to us from yon and far. Anointed by The Door staff
THE LAST WORD: Following the moveable feast. By Ole Anthony, with Skippy R.


#197 January/February 2005
A Tributte to Our Founder: MIKE YACONELLI, God's Holy Fool

ARTICLE: Mike Yaconelli Tribute - Um, and you may have noticed something different abut us this time around, too. By Robert Darden
ARTICLE: A Man and a Door: Remembering Mike Yaconelli. By John Carney
ARTICLE: It's Time to Party - Christians need to practice more than piety. By Mike Yaconelli
INTERVIEW: One Life Revolution - You are the coolest kid - God, I love you. By Peggy Wehmeyer
ARTICLE: Gospel Lies - Our job is not to convince the world how great and beautiful and successful we are. By Mike Yaconelli
INTERVIEW: Martin Marty Interview - Wrestling with God and Luther. By Ralph Asher
ARTICLE: Can we talk? - Father, didn't we fight pornography in Your name? By Mike Yaconelli
CARTOONS: Which Circle? - Wherein Bobo gets ecstatic for Jesus. By Chris Huber and Jeff Friend
ARTICLE: The terror of Inbetweenness - It's like swinging on a trapeze. By Mike Yaconelli
FEATURE: Christian Franchise Opportunities - Have it Yahweh! By Edward Wier
ARTICLE: Visitation Team Raid - Shaggy has a close encounter. By Steven Marshwiggle
FEATURE: Mammongram Alert - You could be at risk! By John Green
FEATURE: Reasons You Might be Refused Communion - Spreading Nutella on the communion bread. By Matthew Schultz
CARTOONS: "Father Janus was always assigned the task of explaining church doctrine and church practice." By Jess MacCallum and "Hey - that philosophy of life is from a Billy Joel song!" By Jack Corbett
FEATURE: God's NEW Bumper Stickers - What happens in Vegas...still gets back to Me. By Kyron Millard
ARTICLE: No Child LEFT BEHIND - Combining literacy and leftovers in a perfect circle. By John Green
FEATURE Parsley Lip-Synched; Parishiioners Crestfallen - Who dat who say "Who dat?" By Mark Linville
CARTOONS: Popular O.T. Tee-Shirts - King David Absolom, Noah, Deborah, Samuel. By Robert Darden
ARTICLE: Christian School Essay Responses - Jesus loves the little children. Why would anyone want to eat them? By Keith E. Gogan
FEATURE: Watchful Eye Associates - Shouldn't you do background checks? By John Green
CARTOONS: - "Of course I'm cheating. What a stupid question!" By Bob Zahn CARTOONS: Pastoral Selection Committee. By Scott Arthur Masear
ARTICLE: The Emergency Alternative Medical Team - Who you gonna call? By Pete Court
FEATURE: Testimonials for Upcoming Releases in the "Chicken Soup" Series - We're still waiting for Chicken Soup for the Struggling Religious Humor and Satire Magazine. By Al Speegle Jr.
CARTOONS: "Build Thine Own Ark." By Bob Vojtko, "The Meek Shall Inherit The Earth" By Bob Schochet, and " School of Evangelism" By Roger Judd
ARTICLE: Resort-ing To Jesus - Announcing the 401(k)hrist. By Philip Leiter
ARTICLE: The Changing of the Guard - Reflections on the passing of the Season of Satire. By Mike Yaconelli
FEATURE: Lawful but Not Expedient - A Post-Modern Approach to I Corinthians 10:23. By Bill Westafer
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Pandering the Proles. Edited By Skippy R.
CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS
FEATURE: The Ten Commandments, 2005 Edition - Anonymous cybersex is iffy. By Kyron Millard
CARTOONS: "Fish Baptism" By Scott Arthur Masear, and "St. Peter is on break with St. Paul - I'm St. Minneapolis." By Jack Corbett
NOT SO GOOD NEWS: Gleanings from the God-forsaken. Edited by Skippy R.
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: Snippets from Beyond Time. By The Door Staff
THE LAST WORD: A handful of nails. By Ole Anthony, with Skippy R.


#198 March/April 2005
GLORY! Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins are LEFT BEHIND!

ARTICLE: Left Behind: Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins - That's another fine predicament you've got me I, Tim. By Aaron Alford
INTERVIEW: Jerry Jenkins Interview: A rare interview with the 42nd most powerful man in show business. By Becky Garrison
CARTOONS: Which Circle? - Bobo obtains Christ-centered clarity. By Chris Huber and Jeff Friend
FEATURE: Enneagram Types for Church Members - It's pronounced "any-uh-gram" by the way. By Ian Eastman and Brian Eck
FEATURE: The 23rd Google - I do not possess the fear of badness. By Blaine McCormick
INTERVIEW: Robert Darden Interview - People Get Ready for a new history of Black gospel music. By Bob Gerstyzn
ARTICLE: Parsley Named "Missionary to the Intellectually Challenged" - Pastor Parsley, he look and talk dumb his own self so nobody feel, you know, bad or stupid or somethin'.. By Mark Linville
CARTOONS: "It's not the prodding or the probing, my biggest fear is that we'll end up as characters in some Tim LaHaye Book." By Roger Judd and "We're sending you back to work for Halliburton forever." By Pete Mueller
ARTICLE: Dollar's Message Impacts 50 Cent at Rap Spirituality Conference - Make me wanna holler...Creflo Dollar! By Chris Rainey
FEATURE: EWTBN - Are you praying for the perfect blend of depth and triteness? By Aaron Alford
INTERVIEW: Wayne LaPierre Interview - He was packin'. By Drew Dyck
FEATURE: Pray the vote: The Presidential Prayer Team- Even as we prepare this appeal, the DARK ONE is working overtime to prepare another SECULAR CANDIDATE for 2008. By Phil Leiter
FEATURE: It's All In The Retails - Proud Sponsors of the Michael W. Smithfield Ham. By John Carney
ARTICLE: Training Teens to Touch the Tainted - Souls can only be won in far away places where you don't know anyone. By Patricia Asaad
FEATURE: Madonna Calls for World Peace - Words from a self-proclaimed "idea planet." By Matthew Pickett
ARTICLE: The Young Man and the Sea - Hemmingway is turning over. In his grave. Jen Garrison Stuber
ARTICLE: Trouble in the Camp - Joshua 'fit the battle of Jericho" on several fronts. By Wendy Noble.
FEATURE: The Witnessing Evaluation Committee - More adventures with Shaggy the Boy Toy. By Steven Marshwiggle.
ARTICLE: Ramping it Up - Introducing, Canon 2: With a Vengeance. By Dan Krause
ARTICLE: Jesus' Progress Report Found in Ruins of Nazareth High School - To quote and cite oneself is simply NOT done - even if he is indeed, using proper Chicago Turabian style...By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
FEATURE: Cracking the Codes: Mystery Messages in the Stories We Love - If we allow gay marriage in this country, then probably the next thing that they'll want to do is to try and start bathing in huge potatoes!. By Chris Whitehead
CARTOONS: "First thing I do when I get to heaven is kick Tim LaHaye's Ass. That Left Behind crap gave my kids nightmares." By Paul Pell and "I'm With Raptured" By Roger Judd
ARTICLE: Scholars Proclaim Search for the Historical Jesus a Resounding Success! - Meet James Cole of Hoboken, N.J. By Mathew Pickett
FEATURE: Truth is Stranger Than Fiction - If it wasn't true, we wouldn't tell you so. By Door Staff
ARTICLE: There's Something About a Man With a Seminary Degree - I like the cut of his jib, Smithers. By Frank Stallons
FEATURE: Answers You'll Never See in Beliefnet.com's Religious Etiquette Column - Miss Manners we ain't. By Kristen Mc Carty
CARTOONS: "Well Mrs. Aberman, where did you happen to run across this little item?" By Fred Allen and "The Muse Speaks to Tim LaHaye. How to profit from the coming end times" By Roger Judd
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: We get slammed, slimed, and slain. Edited By Skippy R.
CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS
ARTICLE: Marriage Fails as Defense of Marriage Amendment Remains Unratified - That's what made it so important to elect Republicans at every level of government in this last election. By Mathew Pickett
CARTOONS: "Cultural Jet Lag" By Jim Siergey
THE LAST WORD: A modest proposal. By Ole Anthony, with Skippy R.


#199 May/June 2005
Jokers Wild! It's the World Series of Evangelical Poker!

ARTICLE: World Series of Evangelical Poker - You gotta know when to fold 'em. By Robert Darden
INTERVIEW: Wittenburg Door Interview: Bob Flynn - Growing Up a Sullen Baptist. By Bob Darden
INTERVIEW: Wittenburg Door Interview: Roger Olson - Reclaiming the word "evangelical" from the evangelicals. By Marla Lester
FEATURE: Atkins Study Bible - Problems with the miracle of the carbs and fishes. By David Werther
ARTICLE: Sword Drills - Present Arms. By Steve Marshwiggle.
FEATURE: Books That Didn't Quite Make the 2004 Best-Seller List - The Gospel According to Sex In The City. By John Green
INTERVIEW: Wittenburg Door Interview - Stephen Long - What the heck is radical orthodoxy, anyway. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
FEATURE: End Times Bible College - Why should you spend four years and $100,000.00 when Jesus will probably return before you graduate? By J. Mark Bertrand
FEATURE: Christian Bookstore Survival Tips - Be careful around the ceramic baby Jesuses. Breaking one is bad karma. By Steve Dukenski
FEATURE: Most Anticipated Religious Books of 2005 - When Normal Things Happen to Normal People. By Ed Wier
FEATURE: A Vision on Toast - It's funny, but Jesus usually leaves the food-related appearances to His mom. By Bob Barr
ARTICLE: Candidate Jesus - What slate can possibly challenge Jeb Bush and Arnold Schwarzenegger in '08? By Randy Reynolds
CARTOONS: "Happy birthday Adam! Oh great, another fig leaf." By Bob Vojtko and "SpongeBob Jones University - Welcome to orientation! Please remember that ties are optional but pants are mandatory." By Jess Mac Callum
FEATURE: Cluttef We Stand - An open letter to churches. By Tammy Hansen Snell.
CARTOONS: "Google" By Jess MacCallum, and "Bleep-A-Doodle-Do!" By Scott Arthur Masler
FEATURE: The Godly Father - Relive the joy of the multi-generational saga of non-violent Christian gangsters. By Howard Bowman.
FEATURE: Open Letter to Preachers - Seeing our darker sides in living color. By Gordon Atkinson
FEATURE: No Need to Convert - My God, where might this lead us? By Gene Daniels
FEATURE: Atkins Approved Communion Wafers - Don't let carb-counting keep people from hearing your sermon. By Kyron Millard
CARTOONS: "Pent...Repent." By Jack Corbett and "That looks like me." By April Pedersen
FEATURE: The Story of Slomo - An eye for an eye. A toe for a toe. A parable. By Robert Flynn
ARTICLE: The Seven Christian Virtues (and How to Practice Them) - Your personal virtue: Have you named it and claimed it today. By Todd Outcalt.
FEATURE: E-mail From Jesus - Way to Go Guys. By Eric W. Robinson.
ARTICLE: Loser of the Bi-Month - Jimmy Swaggart's Abom(i)nation. By Mel Leaman
FEATURE: Showing Ichthysiasm - Honk - repeatedly and loudly - if you love Jesus. By Jane Lebak
FEATURE: The Apostle's Creed, Seeker Version: Bill Gates Unveils the new and improved 2005 Edition. By Norman A. Bert
CARTOONS: "Can you lead us to a land where we won't be continually plagued by this awful black goo, everywhere we step?" By Bob Schochet; "Not only do I have a broken leg, but apparently I'm also faith impaired." By Paul Pell; "Chicken Soup For the Chicken Soul - I think this series has run its course." By April Pedersen; "Learn to live with it. This is it." By Bob Schochet; and "It looks like more days of whining Moses." By Bob Schochet.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: The well-spring from which all wisdom occasionally floweth. Conceived By Skippy R.
CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS
THE LAST WORD: Don't get fooled again. Constructed by Ole Anthony, with Skippy R.


#200 July/August 2005
THE DOOR'S 200TH ISSUE: Repent! The end is near.

FEATURE: Eschatological Secrets of Ecclesiastes as Revealed by Jack Van Impe -"So a little foolishness is weightier than wisdom and honor, Rexella." By Jeff Carter.
ARTICLE: Faith Factor - What's the frequency of snakebite in the spirit realm, Kenneth? By Al Speegle Jr.
CARTOONS: "Still, I miss the seasons." By Pete Mueller and "Karen's Café - Now Chicken soup for the bowl." By George Abbott
ARTICLE: There's a New Wife Coming - Chapter 6, Hal's secret for another happy marriage - "marry often!" By Al Speegle Jr.
INTERVIEW: The Wittenburg Door Interview: G.P. Taylor - Story- telling in a fallen world. By Becky Garrison
FEATURE: Conservative Catholics Press for Cell Phone Confessions - Sestocento Nunc! Sixteenth Century Now! By Howard Bowman
INTERVIEW: The Wittenburg Door Interview: Gilbert Meilaender - What's so strange about peace, love, and bioethics? By Ralph J. Asher
FEATURE: Coming to a Theater Near You - Remaking Hellywood-Christian style! By Scott LaCounte
INTERVIEW: The Wittenburg Door Interview: Carlos Eire - When it snows in Havana...By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Special 200th Anniversary Loser - Our Bicentennial Loser - and it's us! By Robert Darden
ARTICLE: The Marshwiggle Chronicles: Acceptance - Hunter, Shaggy, and Candy's final adventure in church hunting. By Steven Marshwiggle
FEATURE: It's in the Cards - Did you know that the eight symbolizes the people God spared from the flood? By Bob Barr
ARTICLE: Controversy Swirls Around New Wave of Biblical Artifacts - Disputing the antiquity of Pharoh's hubcaps. By Joel Rasmussen
FEATURE: Messianic Evangelists Create "Seminary of Comedy" Humor Camp - "What does the KKK do to Unitarians?" By Howard Bowman
ARTICLE: U.S. Justice Department Seeks Indictment of God on Charges of Illegal E-mails - Spam, spam, spam, spam - heavenly spam! By Matthew Pickett
FEATURE: The Bible Pitch - One book proposal, three letters from Christian publishers...relatively priceless. By Jane Lebak
FEATURE: Joan of Andromeda: Left Ahead! - Deprogram the hyperalphaboric Seven Seal gates, Scotty! By Howard Bowman
FEATURE: Paco's letter to Joel Olsteen - Just be favor-minded, Paco, and it'll all come together! By Aaron Alford
CARTOONS: "Biblical Reference - The Apocalypse - New Testament - Old Testament - The Crusades. By Scott Arthur Maeser and "Baptist Review - Cardinal Sin" By Jess MacCallum
FEATURE: Left-Overs! Tyndale House Reels from Opening Salvo by Earth Freedom Army - End tree genocide now! By John Green
FEATURE: Focus on the Family Uncovers Homosexual Agenda in the Bible - Denounces God - Yeah, what's with that Noah and the rainbow thing anyway? By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
CARTOONS: "Aw, c'mon Tara, just having a few beers with th' guy doesn't make me a 'Satan worshipper'." By Kit Lively and "Well, Herby, how many Our Fathers and Hail, Marys should we give this guy?" By Bob Vojtko
FEATURE: Home Churching - The guilt-free alternative to traditional repressive worship. By Oran H. Lee
ARTICLE: Frogwarts School of Witchcraft and Righteousness Introduces New Curriculum - The proper Christian task is to discover the unalterable will of God, then rest in the certainty that it will happen. By Christine Hahn-Steichen
FEATURE: Fifteen Years Ago in the Wittenburg Door. - Wherein we wistfully peruse our checquered past
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: It's a feeding frenzy out there. Correlated By Skippy R.
CORRECTIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS
FEATURE: Thirty Years Ago in the Wittenburg Door - A visit with the flaming evangelist, Corralled by The Door Staff
FEATURE: "Blessings Gap" - Troubles Department of Homeland Pomposity - A surplus of blessings in Canada puts congressional God-watchers on alert. By Mathew Pickett
THE LAST WORD: I wanna know what love is. By Ole Anthony, with Skippy R.


#201 September/October 2005
Steroid-Stuffed Baptist Preachers!

ARTICLE: Southern Baptists Suspend Pastor for Steroid Use - You just don't get that kind of growth in Southern Baptist churches without some kind of performance enhancing drug. By Chris Rainey.
INTERVIEW: Ginger Geyer - Porcelain with a point. By Katie Buchanan
FEATURE: Thirty Years Ago in The Wittenburg Door.
FEATURE: True Love Waits - Lite - A re-visioning of the popular abstinence program. By John Green
FEATURE: Christianity Yesterday - How to avoid offending your magazine's advertisers. By Matthew Pickett
CARTOONS: "It could be a carnival. It could be a tent revival. Either way watch your wallet." By Paul Pell and "Forgive me, Father, for I have written sitcoms for TV..." by Jack Corbett.
INTEVIEW: Diana Butter Bass - Reworking Christian tradition and changing context. By Becky Garrison.
FEATURE: Letter from Dr. Phil-emon - You may be an apostle, but I am a best-selling author and psychologist! By I.F. Eastman.
FEATURE: The Beatitudes (2005 Version) - Everyone knows God hears better when you yell at Him. By Phil Raybourn
ARTICLE: Official U.S. Government Sin Pyramids - Some sin choices which are only mildly harmful to men will send women straight to hell. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier.
INTERVIEW: Christopher Moore - The Gospel according to Christopher Moore. By Mark Young and Robin DeWeese.
ARTICLE: World Council of Churches Commissions Study: Does God Exist? A belief in God may offend some cultures, including most of Western Europe. By Howard Bowman.
FEATURE: Pirates of the Caribbean Commentary Track - Savvy movie studios are re-releasing hit movies with audio commentary by noted Christians. By Scott LaCounte
FEATURE: Top 10 Rejected Book Titles for The Purpose-Driven Life - The Purpose of This Book: To Promote My Other Books. By Matt Self.
ARTICLE: A Brief Unauthorized History of Sin Detectors - What happened when the church got fed up with Sunday Morning Phonies. By Brent Higgins.
ARTICLE: TBN's Love Gift Return Policy - Why isn't Billy Graham rich like Paul and Jan? By Christopher Jerome May
ARTICLE: Roy Buttons and the Max Lucado Boycott - "Bibleboy Max Lucado was tryin to use a cute nickname to desensitize our kids to an 'alternative lifestyle.'" By John Green.
ARTICLE: "Two-Stone Option" Breaks Papal Conclave Filibuster - Snow geese have not been seen in Rome since 1647. By Howard Bowman
CARTOONS: "Ah, my Palestinian friend, once the Romans are gone, our peoples will live forever in peace and harmony!" By Jack Corbett and "It's Christo, sir. He wants to wrap the ark." By Paul Cretian
ARTICLE: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Abyss - The last thing either remembered was being forcibly evacuated from the Vogon airlock forty-one seconds ago. By Al Speegle
FEATURE: Tom to Brooke: You Need an Audit - Is Tom Cruise looking for you? By Doug Fattig
ARTICLE: Evangelists 2012: A COPS style reality show - Ain't it always the way with these sinners, buying foreign? My Matthew McCrady.
FEATURE: Signs You're in the Wrong Church - During the sermon they pass the ceremonial Peace Bong. By Steve Bennett.
ARTICLE: Moses at the Christian Counselor's Office - Would the Bible still be a riveting read if Jim Dobson ran a satellite office in Cairo? By Ed Shief
FEATURE: Top Ten Best-Selling Christian Books - Abstinence after marriage for committed Christian couples. By Flip Barney
ARTICLE: Let Us Now Praise Famous Sins - For the reminder that commandments carved in massive blocks of granite are not the same thing at all as graven idols, we give you thanks. By Todd Shy
CARTOONS: "Mom...Dad...Auntie Christ is here!" and "The Second Coming passes without notice because it coincides with super bowl Sunday" by Doug Smith.
FEATURE: The 23rd Psalm for the 21st Century - My rod and my staff from Tae Bo class comfort me. By Chris Whitehead.
ARTICLE: The Complete Works of Francis Schaeffer ... in a Two-Page Tract - I don't know personally if Kierkegaard was a Christian, or if he believed in true truth. But such men usually suffer from despair." By Howard Bowman
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Collected and Corrupted by Skippy R. and Harry G.
ARTICLE: Committee Calls for Ambidextrous Bible - Exposing the Bible's demonizing of left-handed individuals. By John Green
ARTICLE: Sotheby's Auction Features Priceless Lewis Memorabilia - Item five: a wad of gum found on the underside of the table where Lewis and Tolkein used to sit in the Bird and Baby. By David Werther.
THE LAST WORD: Rendering unto Caesar. By Ole Anthony and Skippy R.


#202 November/December 2005
The Elvis Hypothesis: A Postmodern Perspective

ARTICLE: The Second Coming: Post-Modern Perspectives on the Elvis Hypothesis: Wherin we do a hunk hunka exegetin'. By Jeffrey M. White.
ARTICLE: Readings in the Book of Elvis: More Presley-ana. By Dale B. Dobson.
CARTOONS: "Harold gave it to me for our onehundredfiftieth anniversary." By Bob Schochet and "I've been to hell and back." By April Pedersen.
ARTICLE: Ten Commandments a Terrorist threat: There's nothing that the terrorists would like more than for Americans to stop coveting. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier.
FEATURE: Emergent Strains of Spiritual Sickness: Unicrainians: Often mistaken for Reconstructionists and nicknamed "Jesus Geeks." By Ed L. Weir.
INTERVIEW: Barbara Rossing: In Search of the real Book of Revelation. By Amy C. Thoren.
ARTICLE: Jesus is Lord? Some UCC members had no idea their denomination was against anything. By Mark Linville
CARTOONS: "Nature Exhibit" "Human Nature Exhibit" by Jon Clark and "Earth...Take 175!" by Bob Schochet.
FEATURE: All We Like Sheep: The Original manuscript. Back before quills had a "delete" function. By David H. Schroeder.
ARTICLE: The Christmas Miracle: You loved him in The Passion of the Christ; you feared him in Left Behind. By Matthew McCrady.
FEATURE: Church of Satan Weekly Annnouncements: CURSE REQUESTS - The new Pope. Ashley Olsen. Those meddling kids. By Dale B. Dobson
CARTOONS: "What would Jesus Do?" By Jack Corbett and "No wonder you're sick. Nobody actually eats fruitcake." By David Cooney.
FEATURE: Compatibility Quiz for Baptist Teens: Scored less than 20: dump him, tell him he's going to hell, pray for his soul. By Scott LaCounte
FEATURE: God's Creation Blog: There are advantages to being omnipresent in time as well as space. By Chris Mikesell.
ARTICLE: The End Times Watch: "This watch is apocalyptic-tick-tick-tick." By Bryan T. Jones.
ARTICLE: Jedi Religion in 2,000 Years: He will begin his conquest at Café du Monde on New Orleans IV, in the Crab Nebula. By Chris Towles
ARTICLE: Mark Twain: He. Believes. Every word. In the Bible. By Gordon Atkinson.
ARTICLE: Zoning Laws Illegal in Church Display: "We're a filling station without the high prices." By John Carney
INTERVIEW: Joy Wallis: Meet the real Mrs. Vicar of Dibley. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier.
CARTOONS: Faxable Toon Page!
ARTICLE: The Christian Coalition's Rewrite of Matthew 5: 9. Misled are the peacemakers, for they are wimpy ecumenicists. By Chris Whitehead.
ARTICLE: Family Christian Tatoo and Body Piercing Stores: "Where Dreams Turn Into Dollars Daily." By Mark Linville.
ARTICLE: Zondervan's Christian Bookstore Mysteries: A Confusion of Tongues: Lost in the New Translations Shelf is set to appear in mid-December. By Howard Bowman.
CARTOONS: " This year we made all the toys out of depleted uranium!" By Pete Mueller and "The usual stuff...contemplating the limits of empirical knowledge. Like how can I understand death when all I've known is life? And how matter is ultimately just strings of energy and it's all just a figment of God's imagination anyway. Why? What were you thinking about?" By Paul Pell.
LOSER OF THE BI-MONTH: Pat Robertson closes the fatwa gap. By Skippy R.
ARTICLE: Lutherans Protest 95 Theses Desecration: Make casserole, not war! By Matthew Pickett
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR:
You rant, we rave. Assembled by Skippy R. and Harry G.
ARTICLE: The New "France Moderne" Bible: "Man shall not eat only the plat du jour." By Howard Bowman.
FEATURE: The All-New EpiscoPAL ... with built-in Orthodoxometer Technology?! By Lance Grigsby
THE LAST WORD: After the storms, redeeming the times of trouble. By Ole Anthony, with Skippy R.


#203 January/February 2006
The Dangerous Christian Comics of Chris Yambar

INTERVIEW: Chris Yambar: Celebrating Sacred Silliness. By Arsenio Orteza.
ARTICLE: Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners. With deepest apologies to John Bunyan. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
CARTOONS: "Saint Andrew, I presume..." By George Abbott and "Gardening Angel" By Jack Corbett.
ARTICLE: Americans Dismayed as Pope Remains Catholic: Look for more Prosperity Gospel Masses in the future. By Dale B. Dobson
FEATURE: Children's Letters to Satan: Please send me an autographed picture, and a girlfriend? By Dale B. Dobson
FEATURE: 700 Club Emergency Script. Ixnay on the ad-libbing, boss. By I.F. Eastman
FEATURE: Great Excuses for Sleeping in Church: Isn't this the healing service for nacolepsy? By Randall F. West
INTERVIEW: Steve Chalke: The Good News of therapeutic temple-smashing. By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Sam I Am is Dead: The Theological Underpinnings of Green Eggs and Ham I will not eath them in a church; I wil not eat them on the lurch. By Phyllis N. Lewis
ARTICLE: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Personality: How to brag about conceal one's SAT score after the service. By Howard Bowman
FEATURE: Hanahiah, Mishael & Azariah, Attorneys-at-Law: Your immediate compliance is anticipated. By Dale B. Dobson
FEATURE: Pope-a-Cola Classic: "Benedict, or 'B-Sixteen' as we like to call him now, is really 'hyped.'" By Aaron Alford
FEATURE: The Charisma Interview: Dr. Anthony Flew: A life spent in contemplation and philosophical analysis. By David Davis
CARTOONS: "Mark of the Beast" by Jim Siergey and "The following program is being shunned by the Christian right" By Jack Corbett
FEATURE: MMPI FOR Christians Organizations: God wants everyone to.. become wealthy working only in their spare time. By Doug Fattig
ARTICLE: Robertson Rails Against Psychiatrist Activists: Down with psychiatric professionals who legislate from the couch! By David Sklar
ARTICLE: Your Church Might be a Cult If... The annual Bake Sale is conducted in airport terminals. By Dale B. Dobson
FEATURE: New Trends in Church Design: Separate seating for hand-raising and non-hand-raising parishioners. By John Carney
ARTICLE: The Ivy League Bible Club Goes to War: "If you're even thinking of getting back together with Eric, I'm going to have a migraine." By J. Mark Bertrand
ARTICLE: No Sunday School Child Left Behind: Failure is not an option. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
ARTICLE: Monty Python: The Sacred Order of the Knights Who Go "Ni!" By Gordon Atkinson
FEATURE: Messin" With Mormons: "Do you believe Jesus and Lucifer were brothers?" By Jason Kranzusch
FEATURE: Your Church Might be Too "Cutting'Edge" If... Philip Yancey is the Children's Church pastor. By John Green
ARTICLE: Chesterton's Ghost: A Personal Appearance "I'd prefer you not be inspired and do anything." By Maureen Martin
FEATURE: Joes Osteen's Audience Behavior Guidelines: #2. Female audience members may not be prettier than Joel. Kathy Harris-Smudka
ARTICLE: Announcing the All-New Blame-o-Matic Making theology a lot more accessible. By Matthew Pickett.
FEATURE: The Trash Bin of History: Christian Book Reviews: I'm OK you're OK, let it be, and fall mountain, just don't fall on me. By Mark Liebenthal.
FEATURE: The DaVinci Quiz: The factuality of some portions of the book may be contrary to fact. By Randy West
ARTICLE: Incisive Sermons Create Rift in Mainline Churchs. Warning: straightforward expository message ahead! By Howard Bowman
ARTICLE: Would-Be Messiahs Through History: Fond memories of Ozymandias Zoroaster, The Wireless Messiah. By Dale B. Dobson
CARTOONS: Faxable 'toon page. Spam your friends with these little beauties.
ARTICLE: Loser of the Bi-Month: Christian Exodus. Coming soon to a state near you! By Todd Outcalt
FEATURE: Big-Time Religious Cinema. Coming this summer: Bill and Ted's Most Ecumenical Adventure! By Dale B. Dobson
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Guaranteed anthrax-free reading! By Skippy R. and Harry G.
ARTICLE: Generation-Y Christians Create "Church of Entitlement" We don't condone non-cyber murder, or course. By Howard Bowman
CARTOONS: "Remember this, Eve - I'm the one who wears the plants in this family." By George Abbott and "I have to be honest. Here's where apologetics, for me anyway, really begins to fall apart." By Roger Judd
THE LAST WORD: Taking the plunge. By Ole Anthony and Skippy R.


#204 March/April 2006
The Last Communion

ARTICLE: The Last Communion. By Robert Darden
ARTICLE: Gilligan in Purgatory: And please don't bother throwing Romans 4:3-5 in my face, either. By Robert Hornak
INTERVIEW: Don and Emily Saliers: Music as Spiritual Practice. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
ARTICLE: My Dear Weaseltooth: You're doing a heckuva job, Weaselie! By Jim Goble
FEATURE: Chicken Soup for... All we need is our contribution from Jamie Farr and this one will be going to press. By Daniel Giang
INTERVIEW: Rob Lacey: Takin' the Gospel to the streets. By Becky Garrison
FEATURE: Revival! I was shocked to hear how badly our little church had gone astray. By Wendy Noble
ARTICLE: One Fish, Two Fish and the Redeemer of Man: The mark of Christ and the diversity of life. By Phyllis N. Lewis
FEATURE: God's Home Page: It's as user-friendly as you'd expect. By Lance Grigsby
ARTICLE: "This Day in History" throughout the Year 2033... Tim LaHaye named the most influential person found in the Bible. By Scott Lacounte
ARTICLE: Pat Robertson: "Disaster Targeting Specialist": Before he was too narrowly focused on WMDs - witches, Moslems and Democrats. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
INTERVIEW: Rick Warren: Cleansing a continent. By Scott Lacounte
CARTOONS: "We're freaks. We're hideous. We're dinosaurs who lacked the fashion sense to die. But when there's a female in season I can't help myself. My resolve goes out the window and I visit our tragedy on a new generation." By Roger Judd and "What happens in Sodom & Gomorrah stays in Sodom & Gomorrah!" By Rex Rubenzer
ARTICLE: Victoria's Ruby Red Osteen: A toast to "Queen" Victoria! By Al Speegle
ARTICLE: Schism Splits Fundamentalist Druids: Words of wisdom from Sally Freewind Thunderjug Meadowlark, owner of The Goddess Shop and Veggie Sandwiches in West Underhill. By Starlys Jenkins
ARTICLE: You Go, J-O! Live From a Joel Osteen Crusade: Over in Section 1, we have the blue light salvation special. By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: Penguins Confess: Film Funded by Focus on the Family. The March of the Penguins exposed! By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
ARTICLE: Eulogy for Evelyn Roberts: Reconciling the incongruities from the inside. By Jan Sykes
ARTICLE: In the Weeks Following The Prayer of Jabez Seminar... Home-based sales really do help people put God first. By Patricia Asaad
ARTICLE: Pat Robertson's Most Beloved Imprecations: The master of ministry malaprops strikes again. By Mark Linville
FEATURE: Easter Quiz: Jesus' last words on the cross translate best as: 3) "Don't dream it. be it." By Dale B. Dobson
FEATURE: 10 Things God Never Said "Who's there?" By Robert R. Hostetler
ARTICLE: Lewis-Tolkein Urinal Fetches $35,000 on eBay: What might he have been thinking as he stood here? By Mark Linville
ARTICLE: Willow Creek's Wal-Mart Expansion: Fiction that's dangerously close to truth. By John Green
ARTICLE: Evidence of Intelligent Design Found... In Evolution: I have to believe that God was a procrastinator. By Lance Grigsby
ARTICLE: You've Been Tagged! Fwd: Must read! Do not delete! This really works! By Ellen Gillette
CARTOONS: "...and before you know it you're looking at everyone as a potential convert. I'm telling you evangelism is a brutal industry." By Roger Judd and "If we went back to earth today, they'd quarantine us for avian flu." By Martha Campbell
TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: Would we lie to you? Compiled and Reviled By Skippy R and Harry Guetzlaff.
ARTICLE: Wanted: Patron Saints: Introducing the Patron Saint of college literature professors who enjoyed the Left Behind series. By Jane Lebak
CARTOONS: "GREETER -O-MATIC" By David Penn II and "Who authorized you to have this personal information on Mr. Caldwell?" By Jonny Hawkins
FEATURE: Youth Specialties Inc. Presents ... VBS 2006 Preview: Pat Robertson and Quentin Tarantino present: Kill Hugo - Vol 1. By A.T. and E. I. Coffey
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Where there's smoke... By Skippy R and Harry G.
CARTOONS: Faxable Toon Page!
ARTICLE: Megachurches Cancel Easter: Really - what choices did they have? By Mark Linville
FEATURE: 10 Worst Christian Movie Scripts: And that's not even counting anything starring Tab Hunter. By Lance Grigsby
THE LAST WORD: Playing mind games. By Ole Anthony, with Skippy R.
BACK COVER: Yeshua Joe Comics: Bring on that schmo Bazooka Joe - this is the real deal! By Dale B. Dobson


#205 May/June 2006
East-West Social Justice Turf War!

ARTICLE: East/West Social Justice Turf War! Wallis' ideas on globalization is wack, and I'll tell anybody that who axes. By Aaron Alford.
FEATURE: New Flaw Found in Human Operating System 2.0: Vulnerability in logic components could result in sin execution. By Jane Lebak.
INTERVIEW: Eugene Peterson: Living is like playing a violin concert while you are still learning to play. By Katie Buchanan.
ARTICLE: The Message song: What then? A sheik in silk pajamas? By John Gram
CARTOONS: "SO HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN BORN AGAIN?" By April Pedersen and "church in aquarium" By Scott Masear.
ARTICLE: Megachurches Mull Making the Sabbath Holy Again: What better way to honor Mom than to stay home on Mother's Day? By Tom Allen
ARTICLE: My Daily Devotional: Victoria's sweet little secret. By Al Speegle, Jr.
ARTICLE: Relevant Models on Strike: It's just fat. AND WE'RE OK WITH THAT! By Aaron Alford
INTERVIEW: Eric Metaxas: by definition, Christians are never going to fit too comfortably in this world. By Becky Garrison.
ARTICLE: Missionaries Welcomed in China: We aren't having dangerous nonsense taught here under the guise of religion. By Siarlys Jenkins.
ARTICLE: Dogs Playing Poker Code: Bad Judas - bad! Bad! By Steven J. Rolfes.
FEATURE: Introducing Elijah-Slim: Lose weight and get energy - the Old Testament way!!! By Lance Grigsby.
ARTICLE: If the Bible Had Been Written by Dogs: And the Dinner was good: And it divided the sleeping-time from the eating-time. By Dale Dobson.
ARTICLE: Progressive Dyslexic Theologians Say, "Our Image of Dog Must Go": Lassie is the paradigmatic case of masculine-canine inspired marginalization! By Link Minville and Derth Waver.
INTERVIEW: William Hendricks: Lessons from The Runaway Bunny. By Robert Darden.
FEATURE: Evangelical Christian Leadership for a New Millennium: If there are two evangelical leaders in a room and two more leaders enter the room, there will be four leaders in the room. By David Werther.
CARTOONS: "If you want your fish dinner, then I suggest you pray that Frank gets a nibble." By Jerry King and "Yeah, yeah, we know - you weren't born yesterday! By Jack Corbett.
ARTICLE: The Biblical Roots of Handism: A Summary Report by the Dexterity Committee of the Diversity Commission of the Diversified and Union Church. By Chuck Mikkelsen.
ARTICLE: Jesus Seminar - the Sunday School! These materials will be available at www.jesusDIDNOTsaythat.com By A.T. Coffey
CARTOONS: "Maybe Bono will save us." By Pete Mueller and "Stand by". By Vahan Shirvanian.
"INTERVIEW": Kirk Cameron: Standing in awe of the man's sheer presence, smoldering sexuality and room-filling charisma. By Scott Lacounte.
FEATURE: Rejected Veggie Tales Script Titles: Lord of the Beans Get Gas. By Becky Garrison
FEATURE: Guardian Angels Online: How many of you think "Come With Me" by Phil Collins was specifically written about guardian angels? By Jane Lebak
FEATURE: Oprah or Osteen? Just innocuous or merely inane? By Becky Garrison
FEATURE: An Open Letter to the American Heart Association: Don't stand pat on this syndrome. By Jerry Berggren
FEATURE: Placemat: For your everlasting dining pleasure. By Dale Dobson
ARTICLE: Young Believers Take "WWJD" to Extremes: If He did, why did He put other books in the Bible? By Howard Bowman
"INTERVIEW" - Thomas Merton : The only way to find out anything about the joys of contemplation is by experience. By Bert Montgomery.
FEATURE: Focus on the Family's Plugged-In: Though there are occasional snippets of Godly wisdom contained in the Old Testament, they are hardly worth the effort. By Ryan Horky.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Redacted and redirected by Skippy R.
CARTOONS: Faxable Toon Page
FEATURE: Forgotten Religious Programming for Children: Program highlights included an All-American musical tribute to asceticism. By Dale Dobson.
THE LAST WORD: Can't help myself. By Ole Anthony with Skippy R.


#206 July/August 2006
The Gospel According To Napoleon Dynamite

ARTICLE: The Gospel According to Napoleon Dynamite - "Pastor, if Napoleon can endure dry lips that hurt real bad, I can get through this." By Tim Patrick
INTERVIEW: Terry Mattingly - Standing at the intersection of culture and religion. By Bob Gersztyn
CARTOONS: "Wouldn't a baptism be redundant, Pastor?" By Scott Masear and "...and they shall be cast into the lake of salt." By April Pedersen.
FEATURE: Lost Masterpeices of Religious Cinema - The French Crucifixion: Frank "Popeye" Scott-Doyle meets Dan Brown. By Dale Dobson
ARTICLE: Mohler's Crossing - He's had some success in the area of kicking out godless moderates before. By Paul Smith
ARTICLE: "The Newer Scofield Reference Bible" Announced - Making a revelation given under previous dispensations relevant yet again. By Paul Smith
INTERVIEW: Brett Younger - Making ministry fun again. By Mark Young and Robin DeWeese
ARTICLE: The Emergent Elijah - Let us be open to what the prophets of Baal have to teach us. By Dave Green
INTERVIEW: Robert Darden - Meditations on the hero's journey. By Mary Darden
ARTICLE: MegaChurch Burnout - The younger crowd has had its fill of big, flashy churches. By Clint Rainey
FEATURE: Why Benny Hinn is Better Than Chuck Norris - Because Superman wears Benny Hinn pajamas. By Paul Harry
FEATURE: Christ! (Canst Thou Digg-eth it?) - They say this man Jesus is one bad son of Jesse... by Danny Gallagher
LOSER OF THE BI-MONTH: Bet Your Bottom Dollar: It's All About the Dough Re Me at Creflo's NYC Show - Wherein your intrepid Reporter feels compelled to holler. By Becky Garrison
ARTICLE: The Tao of the American Evangelical - In the beginning, was the Tao... By Erick W. Robinson
ARTICLE: The Polygamy Problem - filling the quiver in Louisville. By Bert Montgomery
ARTICLE: Bolsheviks of the Heart: George Barna's Revolution Reviewed - God calls us to do the work of God's kingdom. Period. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
ARTICLE: Stupify Me! Outstanding Cultural Documentary: Evangelicals for Financial Accountability. By John Green
ARTICLE: The Spong Seminar Report - What Bishop John Shelby Spong Really Said. By A. T. Coffey
CARTOONS: Faxable Toon Page!
ARTICLE: Creation Evidence Museum Unveils New Finds - Updating the dispute between the "Young Birkenstockers" and the "Old Birkenstockers." By Mark Linville
ARTICLE: The War on Error - A new video game takes aim at aberrant theology. By Benji Bruneel
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: E-mailed, snailed-mailed, but never cur-tailed! By Skippy R. and Harry G.
ARTICLE: Revival Update: Bearing Good Fruit - Why is Earl the only one, so far, having any success? By Wendy Nobles
ARTICLE: Estrogen Dampens Holy Spirit! Imagine a day when any potential pastor would be tested for their estrogen levels. By Matt Mikalatos
THE LAST WORD - The joy of repentance. By Ole Anthony and Skippy R.
FEATURE: The Goodest Shepherd - Thou pre-payest for us a table in the presence of mine enemy's stragegery. By Howard Bowman


#207 September/October 2006
WWJE? Who Would Jesus Exclude?

INTERVIEW: Albert J. Reyes - How would Jesus relate to systems that oppress people? By Bob Flynn.
ARTICLE: The Perfect Bible Translation: Available in leather, faux-leather, nylon and virgin wool. By Gary Sinclair.
ARTICLE: Terror in the Skies! It started as a milk run... By Robert Darden.
CARTOONS: "Boy, does THIS change the debate!" By Jess MacCallum and "Welcome to HELL. No Public Rest Rooms." By H. L. Schwadron.
INTERVIEW: Becky Garrison - Red and Blue God, Black and Blue Church. By Robert Darden.
ARTICLE: Scriptural Passages - Retold by Famous Authors: He preparest a table so swell; all my enemies sputter and yell. By Dale Dobson.
FEATURE: Yale Divinity School vs. Oral Roberts University. "Tenure" is a four letter word at ORU. By Rev. Eric Titus
INTERVIEW: Stanley Hauerwas - It's a deeply conflictual position to be committed to Christian nonviolence. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
ARTICLE: Seminar on the Mount... The Unity Version: You are the condiments of the earth. By Doug Fattig.
CARTOONS: "You're watching a televised poker game. How much worse can this be?" By Scott Arthur Masear. And "Congress is trying to change The Golden Rule to say: Do unto others, with the exception of illegal immigrants, as you would have others do unto you." By Jon Clark
ARTICLE: Spurious George: Creationism 2.01 - They can't pray or marry; their brains are too dinky! By Mark Liebenthal.
CARTOONS: "How did things go with tools? By Pete Mueller and "What's on the Christian Channel? 'Contented housewives' 'Chastity and the City' or 'CSI-Gomorrah'. What happened to 'Supreme Court Make-over'?" by Kevin Frank
"INTERVIEW": Dan Brown - Revelations from the ultra-secret Council of Dog Fight Trainers. By Scott LaCounte.
CARTOON: "He's a retired pastor." By Scott Arthur Masear.
ARTICLE: The HOTline - Beware of Dell-fire and brimstone! By Jane Lebak.
ARTICLE: Ice Age 2: Christian Meltdown! March on, God's Special Ops for Truth! By Jeff Nelson.
FEATURE: P.E.T.E. - On October 31, the windows in two cars belonging to William and Mary Windsor, prominent Episcopalians in Boston, were smashed. By Chuck Mikkelsen
FEATURE: Good News for CBA 2007 - Announcing: What Every Man Wants: Twelve Extraordinary Women by John Hagee and John MacArthur. By Darrin Rittenhouse.
CARTOON: "Museum of Natural History" By H. L. Schwadron and "Funny, you don't sound Jewish." Bob Schochet.
ARTICLE: The Final Episode of Bob Larson's "Game On". Jesus I know. But you? By Al Speegle.
FEATURE: The Last Adaptations of Christ - Opening January 1st. Guess Who's Coming to the Last Supper? By Danny Gallagher.
FEATURE: Jerry Falwell's Halloween Hell House! Gasp in horror at The Abattoir of Hygiene. By Dale Dobson.
ARTICLE: Give God the Best Second of Your Day! More industrious readers can complete Paul's epistle to the Romans in just under 12 years. By Darrin Rittenhouse.
FEATURE: Dearest Parishioners... Why God hates Tupperware. By Dale Dobson
CARTOONS: "I told you we weren't the only ones!" By Bob Schochet. And "A gang sign from God" by Pete Mueller.
FEATURE: The Wittenburg Door's Piety Meter - #9 - You think God is lucky to have you on His side. By Jan Sykes
FEATURE: Church Planting through Division - Now that's some great commission! By Ed Cysewski
FEATURE: Signs You're a Closet Calvinist - You've never confused Spurgeon with sturgeon. Or find it funny when others do. By Matt Self.
FEATURE: "Jan Crouch's Eyes" - Her couch is solid gold: Her hair like pink sunrise. By John Cosper.
FEATURE: Hey Judas" - Na na na nanananaa.. nanananananaaaa, hey Judas. By Fred Allen.
FEATURE: "I Can Only Imagine" - Makes them dance for you, Jesus, makes them think that You are swell! By John Cosper.
FEATURE: "Mr. Robertson" - And here's to you, Mr. Robertson; Jesus really wishes you'd shut up. By John Green.
FEATURE: From the Bowels of Ralph Reed's Computer. After prayerful consideration, I should have ordered a hit on Robertson a long, long time ago. By Becky Garrison
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Abrogated and Abridged. By Skippy R. and Harry G.
CARTOONS: Faxable Toon Page!
ARTICLE: Courageous Email Campaign Triggers Second Coming! With the advent of email, there was really no point in dragging the whole thing out. By John Gram
THE LAST WORD - What's really bothering opponents of immigration? By William B. Lawrence.


#208 November/December 2006
A Wittenburg Christmas

FEATURE: A Wittenburg Christmas: Shakespeare's Lost Pageant - Here's a night pities neither wise man nor fool. By Dale Dobson.
ARTICLE: The Gospel of Caiaphas - "If she had faith, she would have more to give, therefore, cast her out of the temple into outer darkness." By Paul Smith
INTERVIEW: Will Campbell - I'm a Conservative because I am a card-carrying member of the ACLU." By Bob Flynn.
FEATURE: The SUPER-Seeker Welcome Message - We Guarantee three "warm and fuzzies" or your tithe back - guaranteed! By Matt Self.
ARTICLE: Barbara Johnson Loses It: Pens Exciting New Books: "She's just finished yet another book, Why God Hates Me, but I think she'll pull out of this soon." By Aaron Alford.
INTERVIEW: Cathleen Falsani - BTW, we worked hard to completely avoid imagery from The Big Lebowski throughout the interview. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier.
FEATURE: 2007 CCM Concert Forecast - Coming to a medium-sized venue near you: Reliant K.C. and the Sunshine Band! By Chris Mikesell
FEATURE: Donnie Wildmon Finds Evil in TV Commercials: Mr. Whipple is a very poor role model for young Christians. By Dale Dobson.
"INTERVIEW": The Veggies of Veggie Tales - "Some nights I have nightmares I'm skewered between pieces of pork roasting over a pit." By Al Speegle, Jr.
ARTICLE: My DaVinci Code Penance - "That's not church teaching, that's The Mikado," I told him. By John Boni.
ARTICLE: Judas' Gospel: The Missing Bits - And I rent my garments and said, "You know I always wanted to be a Zebedee" By Robert Hornak
CARTOONS: Ho! A veritable cornucopia of Christmas cartoons! By various artists.
ARTICLE: Nothing But the Truth: Christian Colleges and New Courses - from Baylor University - Great Texts 3003: Still More Dead White Males from Western Europe Before the Renaissance. By David Davis
CARTOONS: "Oh yeah. Now we're definitely on that naughty list." By Roger Judd and "Steven, may I make a suggestion?" By Dan Rosandich.
FEATURE: Short-Lived Worship Fads LDS (1960s) - What happens when you couple bad handwriting and dyslexia. By Dale Dobson.
ARTICLE: Joy to the World - What's next? Jesus in a Santa suit? By Wendy Noble.
ARTICLE: 35 Years Ago ... A Door history lesson: "The War on Christmas."
"INTERVIEW" - Warren Jeffs - Like Father Like Son - it seems the nut doesn't fall far from the tree. By Kathy Harris-Smudka.
ARTICLE: Ultra-Mega Church Offers "Luxury Skybox" Seating - It's all about stewardship. By John Rallison.
FEATURE: New Christian Book Titles - A Journey Toward Forgiveness: The Afterlife Apologies of Adolf Hitler. By Becky Garrison.
ARTICLE: The Second Book of Suggestions: Even I am powerless against the hold of post-modernism. By Gregory Rogers.
FEATURE: Finding the Perfect Youth Pastor: The Questionnaire - If married, will you be a cheerfully committed role model of abstinence? By Mark Liebenthal
FEATURE: The Wittenburg Door's FAQ - A first draft. Solving the Poincare' Conjecture was easier. By John Bloom
FEATURE: Heaven's Suggestion Box - Wouldn't it have been nicer to have someone befriend me for a decade or so before sharing the Best News You Can Share? By Mike Mikalatos.
"INTERIEW": Rev. Raymond L. Chrissler - Spending time learning Hebrew is like spending time learning to hula hoop. By Benji Bruneel and Jacob Glidewell.
CARTOON: "Folks, I'd like you to meet David. He's one of our freelance content providers." By Andy Singer.
FEATURE: Moses I Am - If I should fill you head with lice? Would it help to ask you twice? By Ivy Reisner.
FEATURE: Spiritual To-Do Lists -#5 Work on this whole Third World Debt thingee. By Becky Garrison.
FEATURE: 10 Things My Seminary Hopes I Never Say: #3 "This saith L. Ron." By Jason Kranzusch.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Corroborated and collated by Skippy R and Harry G.
ARTICLE: DC'S Dollar Days - "Anyone with the last name 'Dollar' has got to be good with money." By Matthew McCrady.
ARTICLE: Satan's MySpace Page - General: I'm a pretty normal guy. I'm into sodomy, torture, fire, and damnation. I'm also a good listener. By Scott Lacounte.
CARTOONS: "The First Christmas Wish List." By Kevin Frank, Hippie Holy Daze, By Andy Singer and "Joseph's First Diaper." By Kevin Frank.
THE LAST WORD: With mocking lips ... By Old Anthony, with Skippy R.
FEATURE: Landover Baptist's Afterlife Realty Ads. Even Mary will think your land-scaping is immaculate!


#209 January/February 2007
This is My Father's World ...

ARTICLE: The NOAH Conference: Also, do not be misled by billboards taking My Name in Vain. By Siarlys Jenkins.
CARTOONS: "The meek shall inherit what's left of the earth." By Jack Corbett and "When the ocean rises, let's get some lawn whales." By Pete Mueller
INTERVIEW: David James Duncan - On the preaching of Churchless Sermons. By Robert Darden.
FEATURE: Final Draft: EPA Report Findings vs Hebrew Nation, Inc. To: Most Glorious Sun God, Unspeakable Ra, His Imponderable, Unfathomable Majesty. By Robert Darden.
FEATURE: Christianity Today's Personal Ads: Christians Seeking Churches: TULIP, ESV, AND West Con. a must. By Ed Cysewski.
ARTICLE: Looking for the Best Christian on TV: John Bloom encounters the dangerous Hollywood Jew, Tommy Schlamme. By John Bloom.
FEATURE: Zondervan's Bible Predistressing Service: Plumbing the depths of a well-thumbed Bible. By Axel Capricello.
ARTICLE: Why the Devil Wears Prada: Introducing F.U B U (For Unitarians By Unitarians). By Christopher Coffman.
FEATURE: Human Harassment Manual Update: Take unrelated cell phone calls during your apparition. By Jane Lebak.
ARTICLE: CleanFlicks Presents: The Song of Solomon - We will make thee borders of gold with [crude reference to breeding stock expurgated] of silver. By Dale Dobson.
FEATURE: Choose Your Own Doctrine Study Bible: From Thomas Nelson Publishing, where "The Lack of Money is the Root of All Evil". By Chris Fisher.
ARTICLE: Churchgoers Live Longer! "We're cheaper than sleep therapy, if you don't count our per capitas." By Howard Bowman.
CARTOONS: "Now do you believe in global warming?" by April Pedersen and "What do you mean, we evolve into pebbles" by Pete Mueller.
FEATURE: The Message Remixx X.5 Ultra - And remember, every The Message Remix X.5 Ultra is Three Laws safe! By Aaron Alford.
FEATURE: The Gossip Scroll: Hairy breakup predicted for beefhunk Samson and eye-gougingly gorgeous starlot Delilah. By Dale Dobson.
FEATURE: The New King James Prosperity Gospel: Are they not standing by waiting only for your call, electronic check or credit card information? By Dale Dobson
FEATURE: Log in You Eye Contact Lenses: Are you a contact lens wearer who would appreciate a constant daily reminder of one of Jesus' most important teachings? By Tamara Jaffe-Notier.
FEATURE: The Apostle's Creed (2007 Version): I believe nodding is an act of radical obedience. By Fred Allen
CARTOONS: "They solve one problem, and another one always pops up!" By Bob Schochet and "The Greenspace of Eden" by Pete Mueller.
FEATURE: How to Change Your Church Persona: A one-week trip you take to do manual labor in place of that hedonistic cruise you wanted to go on. By S. A. Miller.
ARTICLE: Everyone knows that Pope Boniface II was an Ostrogoth and not German at all. By Chuck Mikkelsen.
FEATURE: The Episcopal Dictionary (Revised at General Convention, June, 2006) GOD: Final definition pending approval at General Convention 2009. By Becky Garrison.
ARTICLE: FaithMobile Announces The Relevant Revolution: The alternative is unthinkable. By Douglas Groothuis.
ARTICLE: Stick a Fork in it: The Final Presbyterian Schism: We all know etiquette is the mere expression of what's really in our hearts. By Howard Bowman.
ARTICLE: Inside Millennium Marketing: The rest sort of takes care of itself. By Scott Beggs.
FEATURE: Introducing Prayer Wireless: And NO roaming fees! By Danny Murphy.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: abrogated and abraded By Skippy R. and Harry G.
FEATURE: Christian Video Games Explo 2007: Trick neighbors into circumcision and then kill them. By Jen Garrison Stuber.
FEATURE: Ask the Ecumenical: Write back and tell me which group was responsible for the fish. By Tammy Hansen Snell.
THE LAST WORD: What wisdom is and what wisdom isn't. By Ole Anthony, with Skippy R.


#210 March/April 2007
Happy 35th Birthday To Us!

INTERVIEW: Moby: Musings from a musical mystic. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier.
ARTICLE: Four Spiritual Laws "Too Hard": Sin bad. God good. Peace out. By Joe Christian.
INTERVIEW: Bruce Cockburn: The tumultuous soul journey of one of rock's greatest bards. By Bob Gersztyn.
INTERVIEW: Simon Conway Morris: Looking for life's solutions. By Emily Winslow-Stark.
FEATURE: Alternative Vacation Bible School Programs: Select from Track A (Red "Death to Blue!" Team) or Track B (Blue "Red Must Die!" Team). By Dale Dobson.
FEATURE: New, Improved Handbook of Christian Pick-Up Lines: "Miss, I believe that if you were to count your ribs you'd find that you have one of mine." By Jacob Glidewell.
FEATURE: Minutes of the February Meeting of the Choir Subcommittee of the Music Committee of the First Community Church: The fine art of snit-leaving . By Chuck Mikkelsen.
FEATURE: John Calvin 3:16-21: so he that doeth truth cometh to the light by the TULIP. By David D. Flowers.
ARTICLE: In the Beginning Was the Word: Maybe the Beatles had something there... By Jeff Carter.
FEATURE: "My Favorite Things": Brimstone on sinners and pitchforks in deadbeats. By Fred Allen.
FEATURE: Helping Injured Victims for 4,000 Years: To further complicate matters, God isn't a United States citizen. By Ivy Reisner and Jane Lebak.
FEATURE: High Flyers: Stand By: Nicking a Gideon's Bible from a Holiday Inn. By Todd Outcalt
FEATURE: Sitting on the Promises": Lyrics prepared by the International Delegation of Languid Evangelicals (I.D.L.E.). By Christopher Fisher.
ARTICLE: The Wittenburg Door Review of Bishop John Shelby Spong's Jesus: The Meandering Scholar. When was the last time you saw a lily on the side of the road begging for matzos? By Jeff Gustafson.
FEATURE: Biblical Child Care Centers: "Welcome to Goliath's Forehead Day Care – where the little guys always rule." By Marvin D. Hinten.
ARTICLE: The Great Commission Expedition: Call 1-800-TRIBESTRONG so that you too can have your patch on our sweet Expedition windbreakers. By Brian Johnson.
ARTICLE: National Council of Churches Dies at 56: Dang – we're always the last to know. By Becky Garrison.
ARTICLE: Does Heaven Have a Drive-Through? And if so, can I get salvation to go? By Thomas Watch.
FEATURE: Priceless! Reading the entire Left Behind series...powerful. By Todd Outcalt.
FEATURE: Holy Dough Tithe Lottery: Not valid if purchased in a liquor store. By Bob Barr.
FEATURE: What's Your Church Class? Sideburns: Minus 5 points for each centimeter below the ear hole. By Robert McLeod.
ARTICLE: Pope Declares Self infallible: If the pope is fallible, why is he claiming that the other infallible popes were wrong? By Abbey Brennan.
FEATURE: The Gossip Scroll #2: Mah Nishmah, ma dish-diggaz! By Dale Dobson.
FEATURE: Little Known Christian Tribute Bands: Yo! Check out Praise Against the Machine, playas. By Danny Gallagher.
FEATURE: Worship Choruses Almost Anyone Can Sing: I can sing of your love two minutes (repeat 25 times). By Jim Watkins.
CARTOON: "God is dead". By Vahan Shirvanian.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Abrogated and abraded. By Skippy R. and Harry G.
ARTICLE: The Case for the Saint: The Purpose Driven Darkness, the Revival and the Apocalypse. By Darnell Neff.
CARTOONS: Faxable Toon Page: Time to redecorate the 'fridge.
THE LAST WORD: 35, but who's counting? By Ole Anthony, with Skippy R.


#211 May/June 2007
Blessed Are The Poor...

ARTICLE: Jesus Was a Homeless Bum: I'd never imagine Him sleeping outside, shivering in a park somewhere, living under a bridge. By Wendy Noble.
ARTICLE: At a Downtown Police Station: Mister, we've got laws about loitering here. By Robert Darden.
INTERVIEW: Ron Hall and Denver Moore: Being homeless, you don't need to know nobody's name. By Bob Gersztyn.
FEATURE: Solving America's Quaker Joke Shortage... What do you call 100 Quakers sitting in total silence? By Michael Richardson-Bryan.
CARTOONS: "We should spend our way out of this." By Pete Mueller and "The bishop called and wants to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday." By Dave Carpenter.
INTERVIEW: Jimmy Dorrell: People who are praying for their next meal pray much better than I do. By Teri Jo Ryan.
FEATURE: The Gossip Scroll: Taxin' Zac - no pauperazz', he-comes up a little short at Jericho. By Dale Dobson.
INTERVIEW: Shane Claiborne: I actually think Mother Teresa died a long time ago when she submitted herself to Christ. By Becky Garrison.
FEATURE: Hell's Police Blotter: Blood alcohol level below posted limits. Dale Dobson.
FEATURE: Spring Arbor's 2007 Preferred Customer Catalog: How to Make a Career Out of One Idea. By David Werther.
ARTICLE: The Next Big Evangelical Scandal: In his own words: "Strategery!" By John Cosper.
ARTICLE: Church Dismantling at Willow Hill Valley Springs Community Church: Running every little mom and pop, second-rate church into the ground. By Ed Cyzewski.
ARTICLE: Men's Retreat Shocker! I'm starting to think I'm somehow responsible for my own lustful thoughts. Matthew Mikalatos.
CARTOONS: "Angela, there must be more to life than having everything." By George Abbott and "The Semi-Good Samaritan... Yeah, I'm alongside a road out here on my cell phone-some guys messed up pretty bad - better send someone out this way... By Mark Sisson.
FEATURE: Those People Behind you at The Sermon on the Mount: You know who would build his house on the sand? Your cousin Ron." By Dale Dobson.
FEATURE: Grand Larson-Y: My Dear Tasty Wormwood: Satan Forbid that he ever takes a whole biblical view! By Doug Fattig.
ARTICLE: Right Behind You: Next slide, please. By Jane Lebak.
FEATURE: Preacher's Kids Anonymous: You and your siblings were the youth group. By Linda Gilmore.
"INTERVIEW" - Superman: It's nice when Christians want to sell your movie so badly. By Matthew Mikalatos.
ARTICLE: Reformation Day Under Attack! "It's fate," O'Reilly said. "It's out of my hands." By Howard Bowman.
CARTOONS: "Pirates in church" By Scott Arthur Masear and "That mermaid was a perceived threat to my family values." By Pete Mueller.
Feature: Mike Murdock's Heavenly Pass Principle: An updated Ponzi Plan for today's busy, busy Christian. By Howard Bowman.
FEATURE: Off-Message Church Marketing: Howdy, pardner! Reckon ya oughter made time to come to church! By Dale Dobson.
ARTICLE: Pythons to Fund Grail Search: Returning the Anglican Church to its roots. By Howard Bowman.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Transcribed and proscribed. By Skippy R and Harry G
CARTOONS: Door Toons
ARTICLE: What the Homeless Really, Really Need and Why They'll Never Get It. The churches haven't done doo-doo. By Joe Bob Briggs
CARTOON: Homelessland Cartoon: It's just like the game Chutes and Ladders! By Tom Roberts & Jim Siergey.
THE LAST WORD: Indiscriminate compassion. By Ole Anthony and Skippy R.


#212 July/August 2007
TBN Invades Afghanistan!

ARTICLE: Letter from Kabul: I believe that my left deaf ear drum blown out from a rocket attack will be healed. By Al Speegle, Jr.
INTERVIEW: Brian McLaren: You can have a big church, thousands of people, and still miss the point. By Becky Garrison.
ARTICLE: Jesus on Money: The TBN Translation: Can all your worries about the FBI finding your ministry "fraudulent" add a single dollar to your life? By David D. Flowers.
ARTICLE: James Dobson Teaches Luke 14:26: "I'm not going to compromise with the word of God. You can put that in the bank." By John Bloom.
INTERVIEW: Stephen Mansfield: The Church in America is a mess. By Flip Blaney.
ARTICLE: Inelegant Design Developments: The important thing is to keep people's options open so that they don't fall into the trap of limiting themselves to a single, sensible view of biology. By David Sklar.
ARTICLE: Louis Seifert's Penultimate Performance: I'm a Pro-Lifer, and a Procreationist. Broad are the hips that lead to destruction. By Thomas Watch.
INTERVIEW: John Hagee: My first wife was not God's blessing. By Robert Flynn.
ARTICLE: Let Dead Men Lie: How long he had sat there, no one could remember. By Eric W. Robinson.
ARTICLE: A Note of Thanks from the Worship Dramaturge: I am certain all will agree that her heroic actions saved many lives and nearly as many limbs. By Dale Dobson.
FEATURE: The Debate: Well, he wasn't a very good Catholic, which makes him OK in my book. By Matt Self.
FEATURE: Jesus' Bumper Stickers: So many lepers, so little time. By Mike Richardson-Bryan.
FEATURE: Jan Crouch's Diary: I love him! I hate him! Why is life so complicated? I'm eating large blocks of blue cheese. By Mark Rasmussen.
CARTOONS: "Cartoons of Mohammed? It's not enough you're an endangered species!" by Scott Arthur Masear and "I'm sure not gonna tell them, but they're praying towards Lynchburg" by Roger Judd.
FEATURE: A Brief History of Reality Programming: Survivorman (Job Edition): Lacks adequate schadenfreude; audience tops out at three. By Chris Mikesell.
FEATURE: Temple Classifieds: Golden calves half-off. By Mike Richardson-Bryan
FEATURE: Dave and the Doomsday Asteroid: All I can say is, I'm amazed at Your pettiness. By Ralph Gamelli
ARTICLE: U2-Charist: Only through the power of U2 can I experience the presence of God in any real way. By Aaron Alford.
FEATURE: Failed Christian Board Games: Widely regarded as the board game equivalent of fruitcake. By Dale Dobson.
ARTICLE: Postmodern Job: The True Story: Temptation ain't what it used to be. By Robert Flynn
ARTICLE: Jeroboam & Sons, Ossuarians: "May his soul burn even as worms burrow into his filthy, syphilis-riddled brain. Do go on." By Robert Darden.
FEATURE: The Emergent's Creed: The third day He emerged from the fourth dimension. By Marie Natha.
CARTOONS: Faxable Toon Page! Suitable for refrigerators of all shapes, colors and sizes.
FEATURE: The Legend of Bob the Good: "May God help you become worthy of a minimum wage job." By Bob Flynn
FEATURE: Welcome to Emerging Philo! The quest is more exciting than the treasure. By Joann Hawkins.
FEATURE: Peter's Performance Review: Not so well received was his plan to outsource some duties to hell. By Scott LaCounte
LOSER OF THE BI-MONTH: W. W. Norton, Book Publishers: There is a fine line between fearless and foolish (as if we'd know). By Joe Bob Briggs.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Assembled and assimilated by Skippy R., Harry G. and Scary Spice.
FEATURE: Bob Larson's Latest: Help Save Anna Nicole Smith's Baby! She was literally assassinated by Satan. By John Green.
ARTICLE: Neo-Fundamentalists at Your Door: They also engage in depression by proxy, a ritual in which one's ancestors are made retroactively despondent. By David Sklar.
THE LAST WORD: The New Jerusalem. By Ole Anthony and Skippy R.
FEATURE: New Hollywood "Faith" Movies: by Jim Siergey.


#213 September/October 2007
Kenneth Copeland: Detective Ace of the Air

ARTICLE: Detective Ace of the Air! Another Kenneth Copeland Mystery: What's the frequency, Kenneth? By Robert Darden
INTERVIEW: Rob Bell: Preaching is one of the original art forms, kind of the original guerrilla theatre. By Flip Blaney
ARTICLE: Magnum Message Remix: Beware the Unified Unilateral Pre-Tribulation Trinitarian Fundamentalist Brigade! By William McPherson
ARTICLE: Your Chosen People's Management Plan: Premium customers will receive the first manna of the morning at 7 a.m. By Jane Lebak
INTERVIEW: N.T. Wright: Living in the Fifth Act. By Becky Garrison
FEATURE: Our Daily Muffin: A new book of meditations for a new age. By Judith Hugg
CARTOONS: "DNA" by Ham Klan and "No, this is definitely NOT our church..." by Jon Clark.
ARTICLE: Church Struggles in Wake of Potluck Scandal: Nobody likes a whistle-blower. By John Green
CARTOONS: "You know we'd be on the other side of these leashes if they hadn't spelled our name backwards." by Jon Clark and "They misspelled us again." by George Jartos
ARTICLE: Dispensational Smackdown! Theological mud will be flung. By Paul Smith
FEATURE: NEW! The Submergent Church! Sprinkling or immersion? By Matt Mikalatos
FEATURE: Pre-Prayed Phone Cards: Too busy to pray? We can help! By Jane Lebak
FEATURE: Epigrammatic Theology: Bumper Stickers for a New Millennium: The Meek don't want it. By Fred Allen
ARTICLE: The Shocking Truth About Catholics: They Can't Sing: Just what have those pesky Papists been up to? By Jane Lebak
FEATURE: Lifestyles of the Rich and Religious — Kenneth Copeland: This little guy has done all right by himself. By John Bloom, Jim Siergey and Pete Evans.
FEATURE: St. Peter's Basilica Visitor Information Survey: The Swiss Guards chopped my buddy's head off! By Aaron Alford
CARTOONS: "Thy will be profitable..." by Jon Clark and "Notice, they never speak in tongues when they're asking for money." By Jack Corbett
ARTICLE: Midwestern Christian Girl Still Single at 22: This is no way for a godly young woman to live! By Leann Long
FEATURE: New Good-News Goods: 0100010100101000101110000. By Dale Dobson
CARTOONS: "I've recently given my heart to Jesus, and I'm here to buy a Christian radio." by Jess MacCallum and "I'm cruel...I'm evil....but doggonit I'm necessary!" by Jon Clark
FEATURE: New! From Fairway to Heaven... From the creators of Evangaballs! By Chris Coffman
FEATURE: Don't Ask, Don't Tell: Don't ever tell them you did ecstasy with Ted Haggard in the church parking lot. By Todd Outcalt.
FEATURE: Retread Records' Shout to the Lord-Extreme Edition: Featuring the music of the spheroids. By John Green.
CARTOONS: "God bless mommy, daddy, sissy and my tarantula who's somewhere loose in the house." by Jerry King and "iPod user — I AM Pod user" by Jon Clark.
FEATURE: Matt Crouch's Celebrity Church Member Rental Service: How come those other churches get all the cool people! By John Green.
FEATURE: Thomas Nelson Publishing: A Division of Globex Applied Weapons Systems, Inc. Let's learn Leviticus! By Jamie and Caron Crossan
FEATURE: This Week on HELL-TV: Now showing: Belial or No Deal. By Dale Dobson
FEATURE: The Emergent Church Blogspot: It takes an Emergent Village to raise a blogspot. By Becky Garrison
CARTOONS: Charles, we need to talk." By Ron Stanfield and "Science and religion finally agree?" by April Pedersen
ARTICLE: Satan's Performance Review: Having free reign on Earth isn't all it's cracked up to be. By Tiana Tozer
FATURE: LaHaye and Liberace: Separated at birth? By Mark Jaquette
ARTICLE: Pastoral Letter to The Body of Christ Assembly of Unity and Harmony: Hey! You're the Body of Christ... get with the program! By Jan Hamlett
CARTOONS: "See, I told you we're all God's children." By George Jartos and "In the (very) beginning" by Ham Khan.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Elongated and exacerbated. By Skippy R and Harry G.
ARTICLE: Won't You Be My Neighbor? An enlightening encounter with a church growth expert. By Dan R. Dick
FEATURE: Conservative Christian Hits of the Sixties: It only takes a spark, to get temptation flowing... by Dale Dobson
CARTOONS: "Anything new on the God front?" by Joe Fariss and "I think my halo batteries died..." by Jon Clark.
THE LAST WORD: All is now ready. By Ole Anthony and Skippy R.


#214 November/December 2007

FEATURE: "They'll Know We are Christians by Our Stuff." "And if the NASDAQ keeps on rising, up to heaven we'll both go." By William Jolliff
INTERVIEW: Rolf Potts: Looking for faith signs in the back roads and byways. By Kristin Van Tassel.
FEATURE: Landmark Moments in LDS History, The Golden Plate Collection! Creating Tomorrow's collection tables with yesterday's money, today! By John Green.
ARTICLE: The Exegete: Harmonizing the Gospels for Dummies. By Joe Bob Briggs.
INTERVIEW: Phyllis Tickle: Bringing your heart and mind to the debate. By Becky Garrison.
ARTICLE: Least Favorite Children's Bible Stories: But the donkey had very little to offer beyond a few lame jokes and tired aphorisms. By Dale Dobson
ARTICLE: Vision Statements You're Not likely to See: "We wanna make ur earz bleed, u grok?" By Jamie Crossan
FEATURE: Dear Dr. Luke: We feel the time is ripe for a sequel. By William Batcher.
FEATURE: Some Things Jesus Would NOT Say: " Which Mary are you again?" By Fred Allen.
FEATURE: My Messiah-Matic: Let the Lord endorse your favorite values with these great robe decals! By Dale Dobson
FEATURE: Aliens in Our Midst Visitor Response Plan: Where is Homeland Security when you really need it? By Kathy Harris-Smudka
CARTOONS: "The team began to wonder if Santa's new 'No-carb Diet' and Rudolph's disappearance were somehow related by Dan Foote and " Al's Bar" by Joseph Farris.
ARTICLE: Greeks Protest Cameron's Next Religious Expose': "Keep your ossuary out of our ouzo!" by Chris Mikesell
ARTICLE: Whiter Than Snow: Shared Need Reunites Carpet Cleaners: The tao of carpet cleaners and the Sinner's Prayer. By Jon Erickson.
CARTOONS: "Ornery Building" by Joseph Farris, "Joseph, Bethlehem, 2:00 A.M. Dec 26th" by Kevin Frank and "If you're naughty, Santa will bring you the toys with excessive lead content." By Srini Bhukya.
FEATURE: Thou Art Sicko: "Who callest thou 'sicko?'" by Robert Darden
FEATURE: Christian Music Acts You May Have Missed: Including the late, lamented Village Steeple. By Dale Dobson
FEATURE: Churches Offer Classes in Fellowship with Gen Y'ers: And it's about time...By Howard Bowman
ARTICLE: Morning Vineyard Workers Sue Lord! An injury to one is an injury to all. By Tamara Jaffe-Notier.
ARTICLE: Jesus Weary of Being Lifted Higher: "Also, please stop singing 'All I Want is You'" By Tamara Jaffe-Notier
ARTICLE: Moore Posts Ten Commandments of Driving in Traffic Court: ...right next to the Sevenfold Rede of Four-Way Stops. By David Sklar.
CARTOONS: But I'm nice until proven naughty in a court of law, right?" by Srini Bhukya and "No, sweetie, I don't think White Christmas has racial undertones." By David Cooney.
ARTICLE: Goin' Straight: Notes from Ted Haggard's Support Group: toodles, Ted! By Todd Outcalt.
ARTICLE: The Book of Cat-Lovers: And lo, the Very Angry Cats will torment him with much nibbling of their needle-like teeth. By Jane Lebak.
ARTICLE: Gold Star Saints: One week after the self-Esteem Initiative, Creation lapsed back into Chaos. By Jane Lebak
ARTICLE: The Theological Enforcers Want You! "Hi, I'm Paige Patterson, and I have a wonderful opportunity for you..." By Paul Smith
ARTICLE: St. Christopher Relieved from Duty: A "sunset commission" for busy saints. By Joe Christian.
FEATURE: InfoCision: The Highest Quality Call Center in the World! The automated attendant job aid for Spiritual Advisors. By Andrew Hilgar.
ARTICLE: American Evangelicals: A Field Guide to Their Identification, Traits, and Proper Mockery, Part 1: Thanks and a tip o' the hat to our buddy Joel Kilpatrick... By Jeff Gustafson.
ARTICLE: "Perks War" Escalates: "It's despicable-the same kind of techniques the cults use, luring people under false pretenses!" By John Green
FEATURE: You May have Missed the Rapture if... Hey, you're reading this, aren't you? By Joe Christian.
FEATURE: A James Dobson Emergency Alert: The Newest Threat to American Families: Focus on this. By John Green.
ARTICLE: Reading Lolita at Liberty University: The forbidden books and cigarettes of the Dear Jerry Club. By A. Speegle
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR: Insights grieved, retrieved and ill-conceived. By Skippy R and Harry G.
FAXABLE TOON PAGE: Merry Christmas from us! By Various artists.
ARTICLE: Kim Jong-II "Possibly" the Antichrist: What else is there to do in Pyongyang? By Joe Christian.
FEATURE: Why Wait? Your Best Rapture Now! Joel and Tim explain it all for you... By Stephen Whitaker
CARTOONS: "The night when normal isn't normal" by Marian Kaminsky and "This year, we're mailing our holiday newsletter to the random strangers in the local phone book" by Andy Singer.
THE LAST WORD: Santa, Yule and me. By Ole Anthony, with Skippy R.



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